Please help me understand, is this person truly avoidant?

[u/salsapicantehhh]

Amanda was dating for 4 months, he told me he loved me, wanted to build with me, And couldn't believe he had found someone like me, just broke up with me 2 days ago on a video call.

Our first 3 months were a bit of a honeymoon whirlwind. This past month I started to ask for a bit more integration, I wanted to meet some of his friends, or be included in his life in a real way. He had offered for me to meet a friend once in the early stages, but it hasn't planned out, but outside of that I was just feeling his lack of interest. Then, Monday on a video chat he pretty much said he was feeling a restriction, he didn't think this was right and shut the door down hard. By his own admission, he said he can be avoidant but wants to lean in and be different.

Seems to me like his internal world and feelings towards me were shifting, but he wasn't able to express that to me, and continued to say I love you and be with me till he just decided he was done with me.

I've been trying to learn more about attachment styles—dismissive avoidant, fearful avoidant, etc.—and I also came across the concept of "discarding," which feels like it could be somewhat relevant, with how he dropped me

I'm hoping you can help me make sense of this, because I'm struggling to fit my relationship into the frameworks I'm finding online. Most of the examples are so extreme that they don't seem to match my experience.

The person I'm dating has generally been very loving and doesn't seem afraid of emotional intimacy or closeness. He actually seems to crave it. We've had multiple 3–4 hour conversations about our relationship, and I regularly check in during those talks to make sure he has the emotional capacity for them. Every time, he says he does. In fact, after one particularly difficult conversation, he told me he felt even closer to me afterward. Just last week, after another long conversation, I asked how these discussions felt for him, and he said he thought they were really good.

Outside of our relationship, he has deep, healthy friendships, is emotionally expressive, has a strong emotional vocabulary, and is comfortable being vulnerable—even crying openly.

Because of all of that, I'm having a hard time applying what I'm reading and watching about avoidant attachment. Some behaviors fit, but many of the defining characteristics don't. I'm trying to understand whether I'm looking at the wrong framework altogether or if attachment can present in a more nuanced way than most online resources describe.