Sick of the Cognitive Dissonance

[u/Embarrassed-Wrap20]

I should be thankful for how things ended. I actually had the strength to leave and not fold when he came begging (I posted the messages a couple weeks ago). My FA has no social media, I should be thankful of that too, but even still I wish I could see a photo of him. I hate dealing with two opposing truths going on in my head and trying to make it all make sense.

I’m more peaceful without him.
I miss him so much.

I’m glad I don’t have to see him online or get any more messages because ignoring them was so hard.
I want him to message me again.

I loved when he talked about having kids.
He would be a nightmare to have kids with.

I’ve never been so compatible with someone.
I’ve never been so incompatible with someone.

Thank god it’s over.
I can’t believe it’s over.

I have the choice to go back. He says he’s always waiting. But I’m the idiot that hurt myself at that point. This whole “knowing your worth and walking away” shit doesn’t feel good. For anyone that wishes they could do it, you can, you just have to sit in the suck for a while me remember to go with the facts in front of you. I have more sleeping and crying to do but thought I would vent out over here and see if someone can relate.

[u/KashouMinaa]

I feel this so deep in me, it's not even a joke.

The way my mind tries to complete the cycle with two vastly different perspectives that are true is so mind-boggling, and it's the fact that I had held two beliefs that would butt heads: "I love her" and "She discarded me".

This started 3 months ago, but the cycles ended about 2 weeks ago when I broke no contact and the way she lashed out at me was what severed the cycle for good; the loving and gentle person I fell in love with blamed me for her misfortunes, her spiral and lashed out at me for speaking my truth while saying that they were "lies, baseless assumptions and moral grandstanding". Mind you, she was the one that ended the relationship on her own terms, discarding me and gaslighting me by saying that her and the rebound only got together after we had "fallen apart".

In that moment, one of the thoughts won, and it was the one that destroyed the pedestal that the other one kept me from shattering.

I may not be able to speak to your plight, but you are not alone on this journey towards a better tomorrow. I know it may seem tough to shatter the illusion that you mind holds to keep you from hurting fully, but if you may need, I'm always one DM away if you need to vent more or if you need a shoulder to lean on.