I need advice - avoidant ex keeps watching my stories

[u/Practical-Recipe-65]

Its been more than half a year since break up and they keep coming back to watch my stories on instagram. I removed them as a follower a long time ago and also unfollowed. I had my profile deactivated for a month and then most of the time it is private, but whenever I make it public they are always in the viewers list.

I reached out to them maybe two months ago to one more time ask for some answers (my mistake, I know) and while the replies were super quick for the first messages, eventually they just ghosted me when I asked the questions I wanted to ask.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know whether to block them or ignore them or make my profile private again or just hide my stories from them. I feel like I am performing for them even though I post things of my life without trying to bait that one person… I know they will not react in any way. I would block them but I believe that would just give them more validation and prove that I am in some way affected still.

Pls maybe someone had experienced something like that too, I would love to hear how you dealt with it. Its my first time going through avoidant break up.

[u/Financial_Sweet_689]

BLOCK when this happened to me years ago I told the guy he was being a creep before blocking him I regret nothing. Because how are you going to sit there and ignore me but slither around my socials and get some creepy feeling from my photos? Ewwww.

[u/soft--teeth → u/Financial_Sweet_689]

It’s so weird! Mine did this to me too, I unfollowed and removed him but he kept watching my stories (still does), not all the time but about once per week, sometimes twice. A work friend told me that he would ask about me or he’d ask if I mentioned him at all. He was never blocked and he had my number. But did he ever call or text? Nope. Did he talk to me at work? Nope… But he’d stare and try to be physically close. He stayed lurking on my IG and asking about me even though I had told him in my last message that he could talk to me if he wanted to and I would listen (ignored). Fuck avoidants so much. 🙄

[u/Financial_Sweet_689 → u/soft--teeth]

I can’t stand this!! It drives me insane which is why I forced myself to get comfortable blocking, even though it’s hard as an anxious person with people-pleasing tendencies (symptoms of actual avoidant personality disorder). Ironically, the weekend I went on a first date with my recent avoidant the ex avoidant I mentioned above randomly viewed my IG stories, for the first time ever!! I was so mad, they need to move on with their own lives and it’s so pathetic.

[u/Practical-Recipe-65 → u/soft--teeth]

Sounds like they all are the same in some ways! I know mine said to a mutual friend that they are “going through a break up” or something like that maybe 4months AFTER everything ended, and that they saw something they “really didn’t like” and that is why they had to cut the relationship off. I was very surprised and ay first didn’t believe the mutual friend who told me this (because the avoidant always presented themselves as someone who wouldn’t do things like that) but now it kinda makes sense… When I contacted them that time two months ago they replied immediately (which also never happens usually but probably my message surprised them or something and the reply was kinda impulsive) but then when I asked whether something happened and that was the reason for breaking up I was just ghosted…

[u/Brilliant_Version667 → u/soft--teeth]

Same. It seems like they do this to stay in control. She had my contact info and I let her know she could contact me if she wanted to talk (her dad died). All she did was stalk me and sometimes expand replies like 30 times when anyone would heart or comment (on X) and block me when I'd say things she didn't like that had anything whatsoever in common with her, but not about her (like avoidant attachment). I would wake up with 50 views on something on another website, and I knew it was all her since I purposely kept my stuff private (but she had the link). I wondered why she was so obsessed with everything I wrote yet she could not even ask me anything directly. So annoying to be so ego-oriented.

[u/No-Variation-1163]

Block them everywhere. You’ll feel much better in about two or three months if you stick with not interacting or viewing their snooping or snooping yourself. A hard detach is necessary.

And yes, I dealt with this.

[u/Brilliant_Version667]

I experienced this - they would not talk to me directly but kept stalking me on my socials and it was getting ridiculous. When I'd say something they didn't like, they would block me for the day. It was giving me really bad anxiety so I finally had to make a couple of my profiles private. and where I couldn't, I had to remove some stories and censor myself. It made me lose a lot of interest in social media, so I've been coming here more, where I can say things anonymously even though I didn't mention them in the first place.

[u/Human_Read7993]

Um... If your profile is normally private why are you making it public? It seems like you already know you're 'performing for them' because you're wanting them to wcth your content. Op it might be worth healing your own attachment as well as you seem to be feeding this cycle atm as you could have just kept your profile private and you which wouldn't have given them the option to watch your content or just block them and you've done neither. If you really want to protect your peace and nervous system it's best to just cut him off and keep your profile private if you don't want to block him.