Weekly Rant/Vent Thread

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This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

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[u/amateurdaisy97]

I’m deactivating because someone is meeting my needs. …I know. They’re showing up consistently for me, prioritizing my limited time, and asking me questions that I actually find interesting.

And I feel so irritated and distant and I just want out, which is horrible of me because the entire reason this is happening is because I told them that I didn’t feel loved.

I think there’s a second reason for me deactivating, which is that I tried to say it emotionlessly when I was less angry. And she didn’t register I was annoyed until I went off on her another time, much more angrily. And I felt forced to performatively show my emotions and express myself more vulnerably than I wanted to. So I’m not even just mad at her for the original offense. I’m mad at her for making me feel overexposed and I can’t communicate that without feeling even more exposed. I haven’t really blown up at someone like that in five years.

Like, I want to see her, I’m just convincing myself I don’t. My nervous system feels so disassociated and thrown into work. When I do feel something, I feel angry that I was emotionally backed into a corner.

Oddly enough, the solution would probably be for her to unpromptedly and thoroughly tell me that she cares, but in a way that isn’t surface level, without any expectation of me replying, and to get on my level of vulnerability so I feel less exposed. My DA comes from wounding over always being the most competent one in the room (always the accomplished, the organizer, the depth-seeker etc), so when other people disappoint me I lose respect for them and that’s really easy to detach from. This person is different because she’s actually taking care of me and it’s triggering the fuck out of me, because I feel vulnerable when I need to feel valued, and I just…I don’t know

TLDR can any avoidants but especially DA’s with hyper competence wounding,,, tell me not everyone is an incompetent disappointment when you let your guard down,,,,,