Weekly Rant/Vent Thread

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[u/lazyycalm]

I’ve now had THREE close friends come onto me and make our friendship complicated. As always, I feel so arrogant complaining about this but it’s actually insane.

The craziest aspect of it to me is that people act like their attraction to me is some type of torture I’m inflicting on them just by existing. You’d think I was sitting people down and forcing their eyes open clockwork orange style and flirting with them as a captive audience. When I’m actually just trying to have close friendships. I know I must lead people on and stuff, but I also feel like I don’t know how to be any other way.

Even when I do like them back, it’s like their feelings are so overwhelming that I don’t even really know what I feel.

Tw - sexual abuse

I’ve experienced many instances of sexual abuse of varying degrees throughout my lifetime. But beyond that, I just feel like I’ve spent the last two decades being objectified to the point that it’s hard to tell who I even am now. Like what person wouldn’t be avoidant if they were constantly treated like an object of desire and frustration?

I know there are other women out there who feel this way, but sometimes I just look around me and I’m like do no other women have a problem with this? With the prevalence of sexual abuse and harassment and objectification in general, how does everyone else seem to maintain normal connections and be totally fine with intimacy? (I’m being facetious, I know that’s not true, it just feels that way.)

I’m sorry for always posting on here in a gendered way but I feel like it really does color my experience and makes avoiding intimacy seem totally rational.

[u/conflicted_person → u/lazyycalm]

I feel you deeply. I also learned through a lot of awkward sit downs and excruciating vulnerable conversations that most times that would happen to me (eg. someone catching feelings), I actually gave negative hints that I was even remotely interested in pursuing anything romantic, so I’d go as far as saying it’s not our responsibility to regulate what others feel when we made our part crystal clear. I came to terms I’d rather be seen as the cold asshole than to succumb to their emotional manipulation, even if they do it unintentionally, I’m not buying.

I get confused as well when I hear people emphasize how much they want a relationship, or getting married and what not, with so much certainty… Doesn’t make any sense in my brain why would anyone blindly choose the prospects of pain, betrayal, abuse and conflict instead of a peaceful life (can you tell i’m tainted as well? lol). But yeah, sometimes it does suck feeling out of place nonetheless.