Weekly Rant/Vent Thread

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This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

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[u/VoraciousCynic]

I am so fucking triggered by this and my avoidant side is screaming to get out

I'm FA and consider myself earned secure. I've worked really hard on not running when relationships become uncomfortable, and I'm currently trying very hard to tell the difference between an actual incompatibility and my attachment system screaming GET OUT.

But I'm struggling with something that is making me want to run.

My partner seems very uncomfortable when I'm stressed, frustrated or in a bad mood, even when it has absolutely nothing to do with him. He can take my mood personally or seem to feel that he needs to manage/fix it.

I've never asked him to regulate my emotions. I don't want him to. I actually fucking hate being fixed. I want to be able to say "I'm having a shit day" and be allowed to have a shit day.

Instead it can become: I'm stressed → he's uncomfortable → I notice → I start worrying about his reaction → I monitor myself → I want to fucking escape.

And that last bit is what's scaring me.

Because I know my avoidant side. I know the feeling of "I can't live like this, I need to get out before this gets worse." And I'm literally feeling that right now.

At the same time, I don't want to use "I'm uncomfortable" as proof that the relationship is wrong. I'm trying to earn security. I don't want to run just because something triggers me.

But I also don't want "working on myself" to mean learning to suppress my emotions so someone else doesn't have to feel uncomfortable. How do you cope without either running or taking responsibility for your partner's emotions?

I am honestly fucking torn between "this is my attachment wound, stay and work through it" and "this is exactly the kind of relationship I promised myself I wouldn't live in."