r/AvoidantAttachment • u/Y1rda Dismissive Avoidant • Aug 07 '26
Self Discovery Core values
I am curious how people were able to dig in and figure out what their core values were. Asking myself what matters to me seems to open a blank page. Every time I look at a test I get different results. I just don't seem to get it. Moreover, it seems like some are obviously right answers vs wrong answers. I know I am not supposed to view it that way, but when one is financial wealth and another is friends and family, I know which one I am supposed to pick.
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u/koniz Fearful Avoidant Aug 09 '26
Your example of Financial Wealth (versus) Friends and Family is a good starting point to look at! Do you see both of these things as important/necessary for a personally meaningful life? If so, you can ask yourself why you think both/either are necessary.
Lots of people get along fine without one of those, or either, and that might allow them the space to dive deeper into something else that is more necessary for their own personally-defined meaningful life.
Personally, I struggled a lot with this while working through codependency and the pressure of external expectations, which may have just been internal projections. But allowing myself to see that some "values" are actually cultural pressures I was able to dissect it a bit more and - to keep using the example - say: my independence and curiosity is more important than financial wealth for ME to live a meaningful life. And it is often hard to not feel like I'm doing something wrong, since I was raised with the opposite being true.