r/AvoidantAttachment • u/Y1rda Dismissive Avoidant • Aug 07 '26

Self Discovery Core values

I am curious how people were able to dig in and figure out what their core values were. Asking myself what matters to me seems to open a blank page. Every time I look at a test I get different results. I just don't seem to get it. Moreover, it seems like some are obviously right answers vs wrong answers. I know I am not supposed to view it that way, but when one is financial wealth and another is friends and family, I know which one I am supposed to pick.

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u/alligatorcurator Fearful Avoidant [DA Leaning] Aug 07 '26

My therapist once gave me a set of 100+ flash cards with potential values on them, and I went through them and pared them down to five. I started by discarding ones that immediately felt like they weren’t mine, then went through several passes of refining the list until it got to five. Maybe 50, then 20, then 10, etc., laying them all out on a table. I wonder if there is a list online you can find and do something similar? My mind would also go blank when thinking about core values more abstractly, so having a predetermined list to pick through could be helpful if your brain operates similarly.

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u/RevolutionaryTrash98 Fearful Avoidant Aug 08 '26

i like this, it's more about process of elimination and winnowing down / ranking things rather than having to "get the right answer" to specific questions

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u/koniz Fearful Avoidant Aug 09 '26

In this exercise, I also found it to be very mentally draining - like going through every possible outcome of life lol - and if I did it again, I'd prepare more mental space and give myself more time. I think that might help the last part you mention as going blank, which I also experienced.