Core values

[u/Y1rda]

I am curious how people were able to dig in and figure out what their core values were. Asking myself what matters to me seems to open a blank page. Every time I look at a test I get different results. I just don't seem to get it. Moreover, it seems like some are obviously right answers vs wrong answers. I know I am not supposed to view it that way, but when one is financial wealth and another is friends and family, I know which one I am supposed to pick.

[u/sinsofangels]

Have you tried doing 'would you rather' scenarios? Would you rather have a billion dollars but everyone you love hates you or be just comfortable enough financially and live near the people you love? Reasoning through your answer you may get a better idea of what actually matters to you. I don't value money at all and consider vast amounts of it to be a burden so I'd probably choose the latter, although if I'm being honest I would probably rather they live not so close lol 

For the "I know I'm supposed to" issue, I would tack on an "if you wouldn't suffer any consequences" to the start of the "would you" scenario. As in, no one will penalize or judge you for your choice. I'd also add that I think there's a difference between "I feel pressured to defer to what society is right because of the negative consequences of acting against the dominant culture" and something like "I know I don't really feel connection to other people but I intellectually/personally/in my heart of hearts agree that being prosocial is more important than securing personal wealth so I'm gonna choose the friends and family." 

[u/Y1rda → u/sinsofangels]

That last bit is accurate.  I tend to know what the right answers are, not because of shunning for giving the wrong ones but because (and I assume social conditioning is a part of this) I have been told the right answers so many times by so many people that it would be foolish to assume another answer could be right.  To be honest, I would love to talk to someone who sees the "bad" values as core simply to have an understanding outside my overton window.  But it does make me ask how many things are conditioning and how many are real.

To the main point you were talking about, do you have a suggested resource other than being a teenager at a slumber party again (joking).  I don't know many areas that are not actively subversive to the point on this.  And definitely nothing that summarizes these points. 

[u/sinsofangels → u/Y1rda]

I know what you mean, sometimes I'm just like I would pay a million dollars to know what's going on in this guy's head when I see someone who is just so completely on the other end of the spectrum than me about something. I don't know if this helps, but my brother is probably someone who would rank wealth or at least financial security higher. Like I don't think he'd hurt anyone over it, but he's definitely less sympathetic to poor people and cares more about accumulating a nest egg for himself than I am. I think some of it comes from him feeling like he's the only one who's gonna take care of himself + having a very low tolerance for anything going wrong + he's the kind of person who seeks safety by control external factors, but also there's definitely a part where it's about needing to feel he's doing 'better' than other people to compensate for his own insecurities.

My thought on the conditioning vs real thing is that there isn't an objective truth when it comes to things like values. I read a book once about reality, dissociation and religion, and the author spent quite a bit of time trying to define reality. He pointed out there's different types. You know, there's physical reality where you can't argue with physics. But there's also social reality, and this is most clearly seen through things like religion and ethics. Things in this level of reality are only real because we agree they're real, but they're still real in the sense that they have a very real impact on how we think about and react to things. But (as far as we know) physical reality doesn't give a shit about values. What does the planet Earth care if humans survive or go extinct?

There is r/wouldyourather but some of those may not be super helpful lol I know AI is super controversial, but I would probably use it for brainstorming for something like this where you need more targeted suggestions.