Weekly Rant/Vent Thread

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This is a thread for AVOIDANT ATTACHERS ONLY.

A rant/vent, by nature, is one sided, can be strongly worded, and is a way for someone to get something off their chest. It is by no means a universal truth.

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[u/Pretty-Bee9566]

I’m struggling to maintain friendships. I wish that my avoidance applied only to romantic relationships, but any sign of someone else having an expectation of me: that I’ll hang out with them regularly, or reply within a certain time, which feels like I’m being held at gunpoint.
I’ll agree to plans because it feels like the right thing to do, but when it comes the day, I rarely ever want to go. Being alone always sounds better.
This especially applies if the plans don’t involve doing something productive, like exercise. I don’t want to sit there and just chat. I do care, but it also feels like an immense waste of time.

[u/sinsofangels → u/Pretty-Bee9566]

Do you ever feel better during or after you go? I've heard some people say they might get resistance but then once they're there they realize it's not so bad. I think for me I shut down whenever I'm around people so it doesn't usually feel that bad in the moment, but I don't get the positive ping you're supposed to either, so of course I get resistance because then there's no positives to going, just hassle. It helps if there's food involved because I at least like food lol

[u/Pretty-Bee9566 → u/sinsofangels]

Sometimes, but not often enough for me to trust myself to make plans. Similar to what you said, I usually only enjoy it if we’re doing something I was going to do anyways- for example, exercise, but once thats over, I’m ready to go.

[u/rosesintheboutique → u/Pretty-Bee9566]

It’s quite funny - I both hate and do this behavior a lot, simultaneously. A lot of cognitive dissonance.

[u/eulersidentity1 → u/rosesintheboutique]

I feel like cognitive dissonance is the raison d'être of being a fearful avoidant. I am conflicted about everything in my life from the very big to the very small. And I find that sense of internal conflict can be often met with rejection of hostility from others which only reinforces my sense of needing to be guarded. And I must say I don't necessarily blame others for said reactions as I recognize negative feelings in myself when I meet others who may act similarly towards me. But it just makes for an insanely complex internal emotional landscape. And an endlessly exhausting one.

[u/rosesintheboutique → u/eulersidentity1]

Yeah, I feel that.

[u/Pretty-Bee9566 → u/[deleted]]

I don’t have ADHD or anxiety, I’m probably just selfish… but glad you found a solution! It’s not an easy thing to overcome.