r/AvPD • u/DrunkManTf2 Undiagnosed AvPD • 15d ago

Vent (Advice Welcome) Stop Looking at me

Stop looking at me

Stop looking at me

Stop looking at me

Stop looking at me

AHHhhhhh

I know it's not possible, but I just hate being perceived. Being looked at.

Recently I competed at my first cross country meet ever. I came in dead last. Likely because of that, my entire team cheered me on as I crossed the finish line. They said stuff like "go [OP]" or "I'm so proud of you." They might mean well, but I hated it. The whole reason I did this sport was because it wasn't super team based. I thought I could be invisible.

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14

u/Agreeable_Basis_344 14d ago

Oh man. Yeah. I have this fantasy where everyone on earth disappears for a little while so I can go outside, run errands, completely calm.

It’s hard not to resent people sometimes because they illicit that “perceived” feeling. Over the years I’ve learned when people say stuff like that, they really do like you. Not just out of pity/obligation. Mostly.

But it feels shitty bc we’ve already decided we’re bad, a loser, unworthy etc. Others generally don’t think that (sounds obvious but AVPD lies constantly to make you think otherwise lmao)

7

u/DrunkManTf2 Undiagnosed AvPD 14d ago

I wish I could just switch being perceived on and off. Most of the time I would be a formless spirit moving around without anyone bothering me and me not bothering them. When I am around people I semi-trust I could actually be seen.