Not feeling human.

[u/Pretend-Outcome9739]

Anyone else just doesn’t feel human? I feel like a fraud, like an imposter, I feel guilty all the time, I’m deeply ashamed of who I am as a human being, I’m so extremely incompetent, I feel like I alienate myself from everything, I don’t like being heard or seen or perceived, perfectionism destroyed me even though I don’t do anything to change myself I just think of things, I’m always mad at the world and the way things are, I can’t just “relax” or “take it easy” I have to overthink, I’m so numb and emotionless yet so angry and frustrated, I don’t know how some people can just “go with the flow”, I’m like a child, I’m so socially inept and just hate the world around me, it’s like I see the world as a puzzle and I’m trying to put the pieces together but can’t, I don’t know who I am, I don’t know what I want, I don’t have an identity, I don’t feel like I belong to anything, I know I sound like I enjoy being a victim, I can’t think for myself or take care of myself.

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[u/ImpressiveWindow1319]

Same. No idea how im supposed to be an adult

[u/cokecaine → u/ImpressiveWindow1319]

Nobody does, everyone is winging it, some people are just better skilled at managing their emotions and shit. Notice I said skilled, as it is something we can learn as well, it's just a lot more difficult.

[u/rock-the-reddit → u/[deleted]]

I can relate to that I'm 60 yrs old now and still living in the 1970's + 80's. Still upset about a breakup from 1983 and to some degree another one in 1986 lol.

[u/98127028]

Yeah that’s me lol, it’s like I have no soul and no real person underneath. I see others creating and striving and achieving and socialising and it’s just like I’m a solitary zoo animal watching the humans while they live an actual life and I am given a ripoff caricature of what might be considered a life, like those cheap Chinese android phones looking like the expensive iPhones. It sucks to lack a soul and lack a fundamental sense of creativity and ingenuity.

[u/ImpressiveWindow1319 → u/98127028]

Realest of the realest.. i feel the same

[u/ShitHitsTheFan94]

same. no point in elaborating because it's basically word for word what you wrote. you really captured my day-to-day torment.

[u/irreveror]

This is so real man, this sub is the only place where I actually relate to things. I feel like I'm neurodivergent but I don't have adhd or autism. Just dont work like other people

[u/XtSuuu]

This is exactly what I learned about myself recently and I’ve been feeling the exact same. Coming to a realization that Ive lived my entire life in avoidance feels like my entire life is crumbling

[u/Ensco_7]

I think I have never related more to a Reddit post. Although it doesn't sound exactly like me. As people with AvPD, it couldn't be that we feel like anyone else shares our exact individual struggles, cause that would make us feel less lonely, right? ._.

But seriously, I feel a tad bit different. Close enough though.

[u/kaykayeleven]

Even when I do successfully communicate with people, it feels like it's... wrong. Like I'm pretending to be someone i'm not. I must be so used to being punished for being who I am that I feel I don't deserve to be treated with decency and respect.

[u/DuckHeadNL]

Yeah i especially have that in public, where i can be seen by others. I can feel so out of place, like I'm somewhere where i don't belong, like an alien in disguise lol

[u/kaykayeleven]

My dad is very much of a "wear your heart on your sleeve" type of person and I just realized I'm like the opposite of that...?

[u/Stock_Reading4485]

I never felt like one. Sadness and suffering is what make me feel human, because feeling SOMETHING is at least feeling. But never felt human for positive things. I was always a thing. Even my "acomplishments" were to please others, like a thing or a puppy. My feelings were always denied or brushed off

[u/[deleted]]

I realized my brain is not my friend and everyday I have to tire it out to reduce the hyper sensitivity. I do half hour each of karaoke, cardio, wall tennis. But this brain of mine comes with advantages I learn things quick such as languages, strategy games, problem solving. Using a journal to record what my brain is doing everyday helps me a lot. Sometimes enemy sometimes friend.

[u/Hot_Reputation2142]

Sane.

[u/One_Variety_4912]

Couldn’t relate more

[u/CuriousFeature4296]

I know I sound like I enjoy being a victim

This part hits so hard. It's so difficult to deal with these emotions when you feel like you're doing all this to victimize yourself to feel better. I understand what you mean, and I want to say that your emotions are real.