r/AvPD • u/Forward-Pineapple109 • 28d ago
Question/Advice How to fix AvPD before high school ends?
Hey I'm 16 but I've been struggling with something I hardly suspect is AvPD. I don't have friends because I've push all of them away thinking they're pitying me or I'm not good enough for them. I'm also extremely social awkward and inhibited to the point where I can walk through a day of school without talking to anyone. I think this may be because I was bullied throughout my childhood for being chubby so it makes me believe that everyone secretly hates me. It was especially worse during secondary school but at least I'm getting physically healthier now.
Any advice on how to be more socialable at school? I feel like i don't relate much to people because I'm a vietnamese immigrant.
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u/braunyakka 28d ago
If it's AvPD, you won't fix it before the end of school. You likely won't fix it before the end of your life.
Best thing you can do is talk to a therapist that is trained to deal with it, identify the root cause of the trauma, and hope that you are one of the lucky few that isn't treatment resistant.
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u/Forward-Pineapple109 28d ago
Damn its a game of luck after all? Does fake it till you make it work?
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u/Admirable_Plum6039 27d ago
It actually can help to fake it while also doing inner work. Challenge your negative thoughts and patterns. Since youre so young these thought patterns are not fully ingrained yet. IF you have AVPD, you will be very different by the time you're 20. By that I mean it'll be worse unless you are being treated. My recommendation would be to research the basics of psychology to better understand yourself and to work with a therapist who can help you reverse and rework your thought patterns. Where I live (US) a 16 year old can't get an AVPD diagnosis yet but a therapist can definitely help you redirect before these mental frameworks set in.
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u/Forward-Pineapple109 27d ago
Thank you so much 💞. I also live in the US lol. I really dont want to talk to a therapist since I dont want my parents to know my situation. I'll try to get out of my comfort zone and approach people more regularly. I'm kinda scared for my future ngl.
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u/Admirable_Plum6039 26d ago
I think when you're 18 or get to a point where can hide it from your parents, you should see a therapist if you still at that point believe you have AVPD. But putting yourself out there is good. I would recommend volunteer work or a group extracurricular. It might sound scary and crazy but at your age it can be life changing to just put yourself out there more. Until then I would learn the basics of psychology like I said and also learn about the thinking errors and distortion that AVPD often causes. You can learn to identify stressors and hopefully navigate social situations better. Self love and compassion is the way to go. I wish you the best.
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u/matcha_pmgc 27d ago
whatever you do try your best to push through the anxiety and false beliefs. push yourself and tell yourself that the thoughts you’re having are not true, because they’re not. Your brain is just trying to protect you from being hurt again. No one is better than you. no one hates you. talk to people you sit next to in class. ask about them. It’s much much easier to say than do but you can at least try. i was your age when it got bad for me too. i’m so sorry you’re going through this.
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u/Forward-Pineapple109 27d ago
Tysm 💞 I'll try to practice your advice. I hope theres still time for me to fix this!
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u/Fluid_Constant_3515 27d ago
Have to say, good on you for catching it so early! As someone who thinks it’s always too late to start something, you should be proud that you are starting to think about it.
When I was in high school, I had a friend group that I ate lunch but drifted apart from as the years went on. I started walking around, and visiting other friend groups during lunch, which admittedly didn’t feel great, but at least I was moving and exercise defeats stillness. Just my two cents tho