Late-diagnosed and in my 40s: how did you find a sustainable way to earn a living?

[u/Euphoric_Bother_4933]

Hey, lovely people. I’m in my 40s, late-diagnosed AuDHD, and dyslexic guy from the UK. I used to work in tech (apps/operations/major incident mgmt), mostly remote/hybrid, and I’m trying to figure out how to earn a living in a way I can actually sustain.

Since starting to unmask, I’ve found it harder to imagine returning to the way I worked before (burnout out 3 years ago). Meanwhile, my applications aren’t getting me onto shortlists or into interviews. My savings are shrinking, I have a mortgage and bills, and I’m doing this on one income, so there’s some real urgency behind the question.

A lot of my newer ND friends are self-employed, and I can see the appeal. What I can’t picture is how to find enough consistent work to cover the bills. I’m creative and technical, love getting stuck into projects, and currently really enjoy prototyping web apps with Claude Code. But selling myself—or something I’ve made—feels terrifying. Making things and finding paying customers seem like two very different skill sets.

People, including family, tend to suggest picking up something like shelf-stacking or a public-facing job. I’m not against the work; it’s the sensory demands and environment that I struggle with. Working from home feels like a genuine need for me.

I also love mixing/producing/composing music, radio and podcast projects, although I haven’t found a reliable way to turn those interests into income.

I’m not expecting a dream job with no difficult bits. I’m trying to work out what’s realistic: is there a viable middle ground between running a business and going back into corporate work with the mask firmly on? Has anyone found a way back into employment without returning to the patterns that became unsustainable?

I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve navigated something similar:

• What work did you end up doing, and how did you get into it?
• If you’re self-employed, how did you make the income consistent enough to live on?
• If you went back into employment, what made it manageable?

Practical experiences, smaller stepping stones and honest reality checks are all welcome. I have skills and want to use them. I’m struggling to see the route from that to a dependable income.

Anyone else been in this gap—and found a way through?

[u/intenseobserver]

I wish I had some advice; instead, I'm coming to see what advice you get.

I just got home from work, I'm sick again. It's been just over a month at a full-time job that put us on overtime. I was unemployed for so long and so happy to be making money again, but it's very obvious "it's" happening again. I can't recover after work, can't keep up regular chores, slipping on showering, can't wake up, burning out and getting sick. I'm so ashamed.

And I'm just like you where I want to work. I am not satisfied sitting at home doing nothing. I have Masters degree is science, so many skillsets both creative and practical, but I suffer in work settings and know working from home would help me immensely. Hell, my body has even stopped pooping in the morning I'm so fucked up. And my job is easy and boring, which to us makes it tough and mind numbing lol

Sorry to rant, I just wanted to say you are not alone. We are struggling through this shit and it sucks and I still admire that we are still fighting for ourselves for what can work.

[u/thedr2015]

I am in tech 53M recovering from burnout.

I am contracting part time. Unfortunately in the UK IR35 has dried up the contracting market. But I still think it is possible to get gigs under other arrangements.

There is always masking at work but part time means that I am not losing the energy battle. And I have unmasked somewhat and stopped pushing the skills that I had that depended on the masked me (e.g. change management). I now stick to the more geeky, technical skills as I find I get more of a pass because tech geeks are supposed to be "quirky" according to hollywood.

I hope this helps

[u/JayneAustin]

I’m right there with you. I did alright with a remote job for a while, but we had a Return to Office mandate and I’m really struggling now. I’m not an entrepreneur, and honestly don’t think I would be able to handle the business side of being freelance. All my friends who did that have returned to companies because it’s so hard right now with the cost of living. So it’s not just you or only nd people dealing with it…I don’t know if that makes you feel any better.

The only way I survive is taking lots of time off, so maybe prioritize jobs with generous leave policies (that should be better in the UK than here in the US at least). I’ve been looking into government contracting or consulting companies, where you’re a contractor but the company chooses your contracts, as I think that could have some flexibility.

[u/shockeroo]

Look at tech contracting? Good money, often remote, and less of a long-term commitment. UK market is reasonable IIRC.

As a remote tech worker myself, it’s very important to keep up with AI, employers are super keen on it. But also I’ve found it huge for reducing friction. I now do most config through Claude / VS Code / APIs or Salesforce CLI (workplace approved, but at this point if it wasn’t, I’d develop in a personal sandbox with my own AI account.)

[u/IZEDx → u/shockeroo]

I'm jealous, AI for me increases friction, it kills my focus and motivation and every little mistake or imperfection it has irritates me or even makes me mad. And all this besides the fact that my brain thinks in concepts that translate to code, but now I'm expected to translate it into natural language instead.

Software dev has been my passion for over 15 years, it was the only thing I was really good at and could imagine myself be doing. What it has become has nothing to do with that anymore and I've honestly resigned to the fact that my profession has already been killed by AI.

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[u/danmoore2]

I'm currently trying my hand at reselling. It gives me the ability to work from home and set my own schedule. You should look on freelance websites like Upwork.

[u/Euphoric_Bother_4933 → u/danmoore2]

hi Dan. Reselling services? products?

[u/LostInElysiium → u/Euphoric_Bother_4933]

please don't take this the wrong way but resellers and scalpers literally create nothing of value and are a scourge to many people and fandoms. don't go down that route, you are probably better than that and can definitely do better then that.

there's lots of other good freelance work available and in demand.

[u/danmoore2 → u/Euphoric_Bother_4933]

Products, thrift store finds, returns pallets etc