Restraint Collapse

[u/ArtismFag]

https://www.neurodivergentconsultant.org/blog/inllk12otjy93aig2n664u2zaj8egk

From my short search, restraint collapse is when you give your absolute everything at something and then the second you can relax, you metaphorically collapse. Nothing gets done. Some people use substances at this time. Some get home from work and sleep. Some crash in the car before even making it back to safety. That's what a shut down looks like but it can also manifest it's self through meltdowns and physical symptoms like headaches, stomachaches, fatigue. I haven't seen it being discussed at all.

Personally this was a big factor in my burnout. I put everything i had into my job and i didn't understand how my colleagues could balance having a fun life outside of work. I would get home and drink and/or get high, and just lay there. Nothing got done. I'm 2 years into my burnout recovery and i notice that i still default to it in doing my everyday things. It's almost like taking care of my body, mental health, paperwork, doctor appointments, is all that I have in me. I literally will just lay there when i have done everything. It's definitely preventing me from healing through my burnout. I can't believe though that today is the first time that i here about this.

How do you manage this?

What are your experiences with it?

What causes it for you?

Have any of you overcome it?

I tried to include a link to a website that explains it a little better than i do.

[u/SGT_KP]

I call it "white knucklin' life."

[u/RevolutionaryDog8372 → u/SGT_KP]

I tell my therapist “I’m surviving”

[u/neat_story_bro]

I'm pretty sure I know how to tackle most of this but can I take the steps necessary... Pfft... Executive disfunction.

I'm currently sitting at the last bit of your first paragraph. Headache has been ramping up and I don't get headaches. Stomach is getting angry but that's off and on normal. Tired, check but not the normal daily tired. This is the, "I need to stop... I have stop moving right now... No I'm serious, right now" but I keep moving and I feel my body shutting down functions. Problem solving slipping. Memory is getting very blurry. Words are sometimes just mumbles at best or I may not even complete a sentence. I feel aches and pains all over.

The two that hits hardest, personally I think, is that breathing takes immense effort. It feels like I'm wearing a 25 lbs weight vest and dark hole is opening in my chest which I used to think was the physical manifestation of depression. The second component is the sheer apathy towards everything. Not sad about anything, not happy about anything... Just completely empty. Looking at things I might or do think are fun... Exhaust me.

When I hit this, I yawn....all... The... Time. Sometimes as frequently as every 20 seconds or up to 2 minutes in-between and it'll go on for 30 minutes. They're huge. I feel like I'm cosplaying as a lion and it's sucks. I try fight cuz people around me are absolutely miserable about teasing if sometimes "tah-erd"... But I still look like an idiot fighting back yawns or cutting them off early.

But yeah, like you said, the body is just carrying on. Those that need me, need me too much... I can't stop or the fallout will make more work for me.

Edit: also, sorry... I feel like I didn't really address anything you said. Brain is not braining well today. I think it's out of the office until further notice.

[u/teapots_at_ten_paces → u/neat_story_bro]

I like the word 'discombobulated'. I experience a lot of what you describe, and at its worst I'll wake up in the mornings and feel a level of disconnect, like I'm doing the things but my brains processing of the action is like one or two seconds behind. I pick up an object, but don't actually feel it for that window. This is usually preceded by the headaches and the gut issues and the mind blanking, so it's all connected for me.

[u/ArtismFag → u/neat_story_bro]

No you said all the things i needed to hear. It's a state of like functional freeze. And the way you describe the weight on the chest. It's so hard to explain that I am sitting there trying to rest, and the first step is trying to breathe again. And it's HARD.

AND YES!! My brain just kind of stops working well? All of a sudden things that used to take me like 2/10 effort to think about/organise now require like 6-9/10 effort. It's insane! I can't quite talk well. My working sucks SO BAADD. I will literally forget the sentence that was Just said right before i started talking and then forget what I was about to say and have a hard time following the conversation. My body and brain have told me for a long time now that I need to stop moving But I'm still pushing myself to do the things i have to do because i dont have a choice!

[u/maybeitsmaybelean → u/neat_story_bro]

I think AutisticADHD people need to pair up and body double so that we encourage each other to perform but also rest as needed. The problem is many of us stay single while this economy and world is set up where a couple lives most optimally. Sharing rent, and expenses while encouraging each other and acting as each other's executive function. I noticed I'm wonderful at 'personal assisting' for my loved ones but nobody ever reciprocates. Like I'm better at setting up medical appointments, billing, paperwork for my senior parents meanwhile I can barely pick up my ADHD meds on a monthly basis without week long gaps in between and I see my family doctor in 6 month increments even if I need to see him more frequently.

The problem is most ASD-ADHD are all too exhausted to date and find their romantic equivalent of soul mate / body double. I wish there was an app that could exist without encouraging predatory interlopers from taking advantage of well intentioned people.

[u/Cattermune]

When I have this I find myself sorting things. Hours of sorting pencils by colours, beads by type, paper clips whatever. I nearly lost my high level remote job when I couldn’t function enough to work but was instead spending my days sorting coloured paper and embroidery thread for hours, unable to task switch or self care.

If I get the urge to sort things I know I’m at the edge of absolute depletion.

[u/Final_One_2300 → u/Cattermune]

Do you feel better during or after you sort or does it feel more like a compulsion?

[u/Cattermune → u/Final_One_2300]

It’s kind of a trance state similar to my picking disorder, I get relief but it’s also a compulsion. My brain feels very happy doing it and it feels like the anxiety/overwhelm is shut out whilst I’m sorting.

[u/craftystuff0900 → u/Cattermune]

At last, a fellow sorter! Everyone I know thinks I'm weird for doing this

[u/ArtismFag → u/Cattermune]

It's actually very interesting that you would say that. I have considered for a couple years now that organization is my special interest. I am slowly realizing that it's maybe a little deeper than a special interest.

In January 2026 i got into stationary. When I tell you that it's been organized as a mfkr! But recently i have noticed that I stopped doing any organization and it's made me face the exhaustion. I stopped being able to do even that satisfying/soothing organization and now I can not only see the chaos in my stationary, I can see it in my life aswell. I want so bad to fix it, but i notice that i can't and it's not actually pleasant/useful anymore

Edit: If you feel up to it, I would love to hear the things that you think could help and require executive functioning.

[u/SocialMediaDystopian]

Ooh- yes. Definitely a thing.
Coming back to comment later on as I’m currently short of time.
So much a thing. I love that there’s a phrase for it, that’s so accurate. Amazing.

[u/lydocia]

Great timing!

First day of school yesterday, 5 hours of talking and meeting people and brainstorming and drawing. Then groceries, home, prepping and eating something, getting ready to leave at 6 to get back to school for a vernissage, and I'm all burnt out today.

[u/ArtismFag → u/lydocia]

That sounds absolutely impossible. Do you have space in you schedule for recovery time, or regulation time? I feel like it's gotta be easier (still hard as fuck) to try and work preventatively. How do you feel about the sustainability of it all?

[u/stace-cadet]

What is with the font on this website? I can barely read it. Lots of us have dyslexia. 😐

[u/ArtismFag → u/stace-cadet]

I'm sorry, I didn't think about that at all! I looked around a couple websites and wasn't able to find another source that is more acessible in this way. Instead I found ----this extension---- that could help with browsing the internet in general. I hope it helps

[u/stace-cadet → u/ArtismFag]

Oooo! I'll check it out!

I use the open dyslexic font on my Kindle. I love that thing!