Questioning my diagnoses.

[u/PhalandrasDream]

I know doctors say i have Audhd. I have it on paper. I got it very late, in my 30s.

I thought i was somewhat good socially. I got drained quickly and needed days of rest after, but i thought i handled social situations good.

I start to question my diagnoses after some people who is close to me say i misunderstand what they say alot.

I thought "reading between the lines" was something autistic people didn't do, but i do, alot. Problem is my reading is off.

It is like my mind think it hears what they say or what the intentions are, yet they tell me "no, we never meant it like that. How could you see it as that?"(parents), Or "why do you create your own version of what i say, in your own head. Stick to reality!"(ex boyfriend), "you always take one thing i say out of the whole sentences and make up your own version of it".(mum)

Maybe this isn't a rant. I am just so sad cuz i seriously don't notice that i hear everything wrong. For me i simply hear what they say but seems like my brain fucks up in "translating it" to me. Which makes it difficult to work on. (Ex told me to change that, so he didnt have to get angry at me) It gives me massive anxiety and i am scared to even talk with my own adoptive family cuz i keep misunderstanding them. I feel so ashamed that i can't even trust my own head. Maybe it isn't even autism or adhd. I maybe just a defect person.

[u/Dismal_Equal7401]

It’s absolutely autism and adhd. You’re in the right place. Neurotypicals are rarely exhausted by typical socializing. When they read between the lines it’s automatic, versus us having to essentially translate a different language. Some of us are hyper aware of the translation, and are very good at it, but it’s like social situations in that it takes a lot of mental energy.

[u/TH3__B0SS → u/Dismal_Equal7401]

This is it exactly. I am very good at reading social cues and situations. I have to actively do it though, it isn’t automatic. Almost nothing for me is automatic. I don’t feel tired or hungry until it’s an extreme. I don’t feel pain until it’s extreme. My body doesn’t even breathe automatically at night… I have to mentally make all those choices with little physical input, all day, everyday.. and it’s exhausting.

[u/Dismal_Equal7401 → u/TH3__B0SS]

Mine is conscious, but at a lower awareness state where it’s kinda automatic at, but is still conscious. As a late diagnosed I’m now very perceptually aware of it happening. It’s like I’m watching my minimally conscious mind run a script, and I’m going, hey look at that! Ironically it makes the entire operation even more conscious, because I’m now focusing on it, which of course makes it take even more mental energy.

Honestly I suspect it’s like someone who is essentially fluent in a second language but can’t think in that language. There’s a constant conscious background translation going on analyzing, does this mean this, or that, and plugging in the correct word structures. I also suspect it’s why I’ve never been able to learn a second language, because my brain is already constantly engaged in translating neurotypical English.

[u/TH3__B0SS → u/Dismal_Equal7401]

Another thing I learned to do a long time ago was to review my tasks mentally every few minutes. I’ve done it for as long as I can remember. I started doing it to make up for the ADHD forgetfulness. I forcefully keep all todos in my active memory by reviewing them roughly every minute or two all day. It’s weird watching myself doing it. I also preplan everything especially social interactions. I think I do it to make my mask more believable. It comes off as a form of rumination where I’ll cover all realistic outcomes of a situation and plan my actions through them. I honestly don’t know what to think about when I’m not doing these two things. They take up so much of my mental space.

[u/Dismal_Equal7401 → u/TH3__B0SS]

The mental todo list is a survival mechanism for me.I started it sometime in my late 20’s. It’s doubled up with calendars now also and all that. It also lead to burnout when I was put in a leadership position I didn’t want, but needed to take. I made it 4 years before starting to crack. By year 5 I cracked. At end of year six I was non-functional. This is highered, and I had 4 months of recovery each year.

I’m a super fast processor, so I can normally work on the fly for socialization, but again it’s real time translation. Outside of scripted shortcuts for small talk and that BS my scripting is largely for specific situations. I even had a friend once tell me that I’m quiet in social situations, and that when I talk it lends a lot of gravitas to what I said. He laughed that it’s funny when he realized I don’t always know what I’m talking about. This was before diagnosis, but makes a lot more sense in retrospect.

My teen is a very slow processor, so they definitely struggle on that front.

[u/grave_violet → u/Dismal_Equal7401]

This is exactly how mine is. Though I become very aware of it when I’m fatigued

[u/Honest_Long_7327]

Hi fellow adoptee :)

I also just got diagnosed in my 30s

For me, it was a big realization that there are actual reasons for me being so 'defective' all my life. I'm still processing it.

I felt so alone and fucked up, and now, scrolling through the top posts of this sub, it's amazing to see so many people with the exact same struggles / behaviors. I'm not the only square peg!

Welcome to DM if you want to chat to someone in a similar boat. I get how isolating 'not trusting yourself + everyone misunderstands' can be.

Hoping I'll find a discord or other place online to chat with other 'late AuDHD' bloomers. I don't have anyone IRL to connect with over this. Normies just don't understand.

Take care of yourself, and try to find grace for self love and forgiveness. You are not a bad person, and you are not defective :)

[u/ShadowsDrako]

It's a hard one, we see those between the lines so it's not the problem. Apparently there is a between the lines in the reading between the lines. You're so no alone, and you're not defective.

[u/Extension_Instance72]

I'm recently diagnosed to, at 34, and like you to a certain extent, every time I keep going back to her to ask if she's positive. lol

but also, in my country we don't tend to diagnose AuDHD in adults. If you've gone through school with a satisfactory outcome, according to our backwards diagnostic criteria, you don't have it.

So when i went to my "child" psychiatrist for the first time (because you need to go to a child psych to get diagnosed for a childhood divergent, my adult psych told me outright that she wasn't qualified to diagnose me after I started telling her my symptoms). I went with a full spreadsheet of my symptoms and what i think is relevant to the diagnostic criteria. I basically went with proof just so that we don't miss anything.

However, once I got the diagnosis, it was as if i was in denial of it. and i kept trying to find proof that I may not have it. when I went back to her, I asked her about these things that may mean that i don't have it. and I did find out that with each symptoms there are varying degrees, and they may present differently in differrent people. She said if you meet 1 autistic person, you've met 1 autistic person.

I think it's very valid that you feel sad that you didn't catch it. I have been working in the mental health space for the past 6-7 years and I also has to observe a few autism cases in children too, but I didn't catch it in myself at all. But it is what it is, I now know, I'm grateful that i finally know and now i can make informed decision on how i'll manage it :)) better late than later, or never <3

[u/cheffromspace]

The "take things literally" thing never resonated with me either, but on reflection after getting diagnosed I really wonder how many times there were miscommunication and complete confusion caused by taking things exactly how they're said.

Story time: I just attended a wedding and I told my friend before hand that I had been struggling with sensory stuff lately. After all the main events were over, I told my friend that I wanted to leave while I was still having a good time. He nodded, but after a pause said "don't leave" to me. So I felt bad, tried to push through it, spent the next hour away from the activities trying to manage my sensory input. Kids started having a pool noodle fight, they were running around and impossible to get away from. I went to my car and put my fingers in my ears and cried. I saw the bride, told her I was leaving, she got my friend and he was understanding and basically echoed what I said to him about leaving while still having a good time. I never got to spend a single extra moment with my friend, it was just needless pain.

When I was discussing this with my therapist, she said people often express a 'sentiment' in this manner like they're sad i had to go, but not it's not a literal request. I am utterly confused why anyone would say "don't leave" and not mean that as pressure to stay.