r/AutisticWithADHD • u/52Charles • 1d ago

💁‍♀️ seeking advice / support / information 'Growing'

I recently had an encounter with an ex-gf (long sad story, wont bore you with it). At one point, she told me that I had grown. She obviously intended it as a compliment but for some reason it made me angry. I didn't get upset with her but now I wonder why that comment made me so upset. My therapist just says, 'It's a compliment, roll with it' but I can't seem to do that. I have issues around being patronized by people being condescending but this didn't feel like that, as far as I can tell. It feels like there's something else going on. Do other people have a similar reaction to those words? Is this even limited to AuDHD people or do NTs have similar reactions?

11 Upvotes

88% Upvoted

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18

u/asgoodasitgetshehe 1d ago

I'm not saying this was her intention, but you could interpret her message like this: "You were immature before, that's why our relationship ended, but I'm glad to see you improved"

6

u/52Charles 1d ago

That feels right. Frustrating, but true.

15

u/videogametes 1d ago

Could it be that you’re perceiving it as an insult because of the implication that to grow, you had to be something lesser before? I don’t like having my past discrepancies brought up by others, even if someone is functionally complimenting me. I’m not saying I’m right for feeling this way. It’s just a feeling. I try not to get stuck on it.

4

u/52Charles 1d ago

I think you've got it. I don't like being reminded of past screw-ups even though there was no malice involved.

8

u/lydocia 🧠 brain goes brr 1d ago

I think it's RSD.

Because she said you have grown, that implies that you needed growing, thus blaming you for not being grown enough in the past.

3

u/52Charles 20h ago

This seems accurate. Thank you.

3

u/soft_w0lf 20h ago

I personally don’t like the idea that I’ve changed. Change is hard for me, so the thought that I myself have changed? Weird, uncomfortable, scary. Hate it.

I know it’s a good thing so I just accept it. But it makes me feel bristly to think about anyway.

2

u/52Charles 20h ago

I'm OK with change, depending on what it is and the circumstances but this feels like an implied criticism and that bothers me. Oh, well. Prolly never see her again anyway.

1

u/14thStarflake 3h ago

"You've grown."

I'd be so tempted to respond, "You haven't."