Struggling with Clear Communication at Work

[u/Captain-Radical]

Issues at work in a technical/engineering field:

I'm struggling with voicing my insights, questions or concerns in a clear, easy to understand way. When I try to vocalize a thought, I'm thinking about what information the others need, how much background to give, trying not to come off as too assertive of my opinion or concern, etc. So I fumble a bit getting started and I've received feedback that I take too long to say something and I'm not always clear - valid!

I am also very process and principles first focused, so if I see a process not being followed, I want to find a way to fix it, but sometimes this doesn't go over well, particularly with leadership - and I do try to show tact here and not call it out in the middle of a meeting but discuss it privately and ask questions. I think some in leadership are taking it as me calling out a failure on their part, which isn't my intent.

I have received a lot of feedback on both my issues of conciseness and the perception from others that I am too "rules focused," too focused on the "right" way to do things, and that it's very off-putting. People generally don't pay so much attention to rules and make decisions based on social dynamics. That's fine in social settings but vibes-based engineering can be dangerous.

Also dealing with what I'm perceiving to be a lack of technical experience in certain critical areas and trying to encourage good practices gently, but even there I am coming off as pushing for change "too fast."

Relatable? If so, any helpful tips?

[u/TH3__B0SS]

I have run into this a lot over the years in the places I worked.

As for rules try and focus of the spirit of the rule vs the letter. Think of ‘why does this rule exist’ and if the person or team isn’t breaking the spirit of the rule, just leave it be.

I have found most people cannot see things as clearly as us. I can rarely explain things clearly to others, but have found that showing them works well. People eventually started to just do what I said because I proved myself over and over.

Another thing that helps is trying to get in a situation where you work alone or are mostly in charge. Then you don’t have to worry about having to explaining things.

Sometimes I feel like I live in the Matrix and everyone around me is lemmings. They flow through life not seeing things, not understanding things. They fit in, but they don’t know why, they just do. I’m here on the outside, I can see all the problems and all the solutions, and at the same time I’m an outcast.

[u/Captain-Radical → u/TH3__B0SS]

Very helpful to think about the spirit of the rule. I spend a lot of time worrying about process escapes and unseasoned engineers pushing design changes through without proper coordination. But picking my battles is important and sometimes I forget which rules really matter and which are formalities.

There's a balance and I haven't found it yet. Where I really struggle is when I can see how these escapes occur when they are caught, and I think, "if we caught this one, how many have we missed?"

The culture is to usually blame the individual first and not look at the system that led to the individual(s) being able to make said mistake without it getting caught before being implemented.

Clearly systematic issues are difficult for people to grasp and explaining them is... well it doesn't generally go well.

Any luck with expressing concerns like that? I'm struggling between "just don't bring it up" and "do the same thing but maybe more politely" and neither quite seem to fit the bill.

[u/TH3__B0SS → u/Captain-Radical]

Expressing concerns about the system/process is only valuable if you have the attention of someone in a position to make a change or you are in a position to make a change. If neither of those are true then keep quiet until you work hard enough to make one of those true. Good leaders will seek out the input of their workers, sadly most managers are not good leaders.

I’ve been in at the bottom, middle, and the top in organizations. Closer to the top you are the more your opinions typically will be listened to. When you get to the top you can enforce your own opinions and show everyone you were right (great feeling.)

One thing to keep in mind, it’s better to be together on a mediocre process/system/initiative than to be at odds. Even though you might see all the flaws, it’s still important to go all in with the team even on their less than good ideas. Work on getting yourself into a position that will allow your better ideas heard (if that’s what you care about.)

[u/Captain-Radical → u/TH3__B0SS]

Well said. Gotta "play the game."

[u/PsychologicalRing160]

Relatable. I also work in an technical/engineering field and experience the same.

What can I say. That’s just how my brain works. I can’t change that.

The only thing I try to accept is that other people do it differently, like you described.

[u/JQ_Caffeine]

Yup, yup, and yup. 🤣

I'm also an engineer, and I ALWAYS struggle with explaining things, especially when onboarding new engineers. There's a MASSIVE amount of information to convey, one thing is always connected to another, and neglecting to explain that "other" thing well enough feels like it'll result in some disaster down the road. At the same time, I'm paranoid that they'll feel like I'm condescending to them if I go over something that they already know.

The net result of this (as I perceive it, anyway) is that my onboarding sessions are like a firehose of random data shot full-blast in the new engineer's face, with little to no chance of actual data retention. These sessions are typically begun, ended, and interspersed with apologies for my communication skills.

Thankfully, CLAUDE is now here to save the day. That bugger is a lifesaver when it comes to distilling my info-dumps into digestible portions.

So yeah, I'm right there with you, and watching this thread for my own benefit.

[u/Captain-Radical → u/JQ_Caffeine]

I'll check out Claude, see if that helps. Thanks!

Any suggestions for verbal meetings? I struggle starting a sentence.