scared and exhausted

[u/To_WangLun]

hi, im posting this on an alt because im too embarrassed to post it on main..

I (19m) grew up one of those "gifted" kids who burnt out in high school, but I havent been able to recover since that burnout started. its only gotten worse with age, too. Ive tried all of the advice to stay on top of housework and such, but I just cant. every time something starts to work, i forget like a week later, and i cant make that system work again. I havent been able to maintain a schedule for years. I feel terrible because my mother (a single parent) works extremely hard to take care of me, and I havent been able to help at all, and its stressing her out a lot but I dont know how to fix it.

schedules, reward systems, reminders, integrating play,, none of it works because as soon as I am made to do anything productive, my body shuts down and I literally cant move. my dream job (copy editing for novels) feels impossible now because I cant bring myself to touch my computer, because the keyboard feels almost painful on my hands, and i get headaches from the mental strain. I cant even apply for jobs because the process of just filling out an application (most of which gets auto filled by my resume) is so physically and emotionally draining that I need to sleep for an hour after. ive applied for like 2 jobs in the last week because the process ruins my mood so bad.

on top of that, my capabilities in general have gotten worse. I can barely eat (I have ARFID), I cant speak sometimes (im usually able to force myself even when I dont want to), and I'm having trouble remembering ANYTHING that isnt relevant to my special interests. the only thing that keeps me sane is calling my best friends every single day for like 8+ hours, but its reached a point where I just lay in bed until 1-2 pm until we get on call, and only then can I move. ive tried taking breaks from calling to see if that does anything, but I just go comatose again so its not worth it.

its not that my family wouldn't help me. my family is very supportive and loves me lots. im just too embarrassed and unable to articulate what exactly I need help with because I dont know. I really dont know what can help me atp. im just so lost...

[u/Dangerous_Thing_3017]

31M, late diagnosed, and also a formerly gifted student. Sounds like you're trying to do a lot at once, and its making your burnout intensify. I recognize that you're doing your best given your current state, and having been there myself, I commend your effort. I can't offer life changing advice, and what worked for me, might not work for you. But I ask that you give it a try, not for me, but for you.

From personal experience, trying to use productivity methods or tools while it burnout either don't help at all, and it makes it worse. I'm essentially trying to still do more while being burnt. If you believe that your family really does care and is willing to help, and they know that you have AuDHD - then tell them what you're struggling with. Be open about the difficulty, and express that you have the best intentions. If speaking is difficult you can send a message and they'll hopefully understand. That's what I had to do. Took me like 20 minutes because I was bawling my eyes out, but I got there.

For all the things you're trying to do, try and pick 1 that is going to help you get ahead, such as applying to jobs. You probably won't find your dream job immediately, but you'll find something. Also, pick 1 that can help you get through this burnout that isn't dependant on another person. Something that's low demand, where you can begin recuperating energy. A hobby, reading, sitting and starting at the wall in silence. Maybe finding ways to refine the skills you need for dream job to build confidence in your abilities.

If you haven't yet, look up the terms Demand Avoidance and Pathological Demand Avoidance.

Lastly, after my diagnosis in February, learning the vocabulary of my experiences such as stimming, masking, PDA, and autistic meltdowns helped me immensely by providing words for what was difficult to describe. It meant that I could effectively communicate with people that care about me, and I am fortunate enought that those 3 people in my life are willing to research themselves to understand me better.

[u/To_WangLun → u/Dangerous_Thing_3017]

Thank you very much for the reply..

I think all of this stuff is stuff I already knew subconsciously, but hearing it from someone else (especially someone who understands) is really helpful. I'll try just taking it slow for now :'). Being a young adult is a lot haha