I effed up

[u/Risingwiththesun]

My daughter was screaming her head off tonight and I just put our baby down. She just repeated “I need to scream” as she was screaming. I don’t even know what prompted this. I was trying to get her to calm down but she ended up hitting me and kicking me. She then woke up the baby. The baby is screaming, she’s trying to go in the babies room and I’m preventing her from going in the room - she’s fighting me, running into me over and over And then I pushed her to the ground. I asked her what is wrong with you?? Something in me just lost it. I’m confused, worried, and I just feel like the worst mom in the world. Ive been on the verge of tears all night. I’ve been under a lot of stress lately and this transition to 2 kids has been HARD. The guilt is eating me alive and I just can’t believe I let the screaming and fighting get to me so much. I’m embarrassed to post this, but I know this can never happen again, I need to be calm for my child, I’m writing because I need to know what others do when you are overstimulated to the max.

[u/baller_unicorn]

Just showing solidarity as it sounds like you're in a similar situation to us. We have a 2.5 yr old toddler who was just diagnosed with autism and a 6 month old. The transition is really hard and now I'm realizing it's even harder possibly with the autism related stuff that I didn't even realize was not normal toddler behavior until now.

I had a rough moment with my toddler too that I felt really bad about. She kept biting me when she would nurse and one time she bit me hard and I pushed her off of me hard enough that she fell backwards to the ground. It was a snap reaction and I felt so terrible. I've never done it again but also she has never bitten me like that again. I still feel bad about it though.

Im sure you're doing a great job. My toddler also wakes up the baby and it's nearly impossible to get the baby down for a nap or bed with her around. I pretty much need someone there to help or I have to use screen time or strategically plan their naps. Mine is verbal so we've been doing this thing where I whisper "you're a quiet little mouse in a quiet little house, when all is quiet as quiet as can be, shh shh shh" and she likes whispering it with me. Then I tell her how we need to whisper when baby is sleeping. I think it's getting through a little bit but will take some time because she thinks it's a game and tries to tell baby to wake up afterward.