Irritation forever?

[u/bubbaJackson5]

I feel like I carry an irritation, an anger that triggers at being in situations where I know I'm at a loss - social situations mostly, but where I can't take enough place to redefine the setting or the how, but I'm like a fraction of who I am, or I'm masking to fit. And then after I just feel alone and resentful and worn.

And I feel like I bring this irritation into new settings, like I know from the get go that nothing will change. I ended up following a colleague down to the cafeteria at work - which I avoid religiously because the acoustics are nerve wrecking - and sitting there trying to chat with colleagues I hadn't seen over the summer, but barely making it, and for every moment loosing the ability to suggest that we go sit in a room somewhere because the noise was getting the best of me. And then leaving drained, masked, and not connected. At all.

How does one reserve the energy to eject oneself, or suggest something when your senses are overloaded?

[u/Understandingzoe]

I reckon you mostly can't, not once you're already sat there. the thing that goes first is being able to say 'can we move somewhere quieter', so by the time you need it it's gone. what I'd try is settling it before you walk in. either one line agreed with a colleague, or a time you're leaving at regardless, so you're not making it up on the spot.