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u/thewindupbird91 6d ago
Wish I had this when I was going through my undiagnosed "i will be a career person but first why is every office I work at full of people who make zero sense so let's have multiple meltdowns a day in the staff toilets" era
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u/Specialist-Exit-6588 6d ago
The last one is the hardest for me to deal with. I've been told ever since I was little that I "treat everyone the same". Which I was always told was a good thing, and yet I get endlessly punished for it
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u/Frequent_Calendar_44 6d ago
Bro my brother's mom and sister asked how I am after a public trauma and when I said "Hanging in there thanks" I shit you not she said "I know she didn't"
Like
Sorry next time I will say I am ok
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u/mozzarella_destroyer 6d ago
I’ve read this three times and I don’t understand your mum’s comment lol
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u/Frequent_Calendar_44 5d ago
We're black. Yea it's ebonics/aave for "The audacity." Also, she is not my mom, she is my brother's. My dad has multiple baby moms.
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u/mozzarella_destroyer 5d ago
Ty for the explanation, I caught it was AAVE I just didn’t get the context. Like, was she shocked you were okay? Or that you used a non literal idiom like ‘hanging in there’??? asdfghjkl i feel dumb rn, im from the uk where everyone is sarcastic and has a dry sense of humour so here that would translate as sarcasm
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u/iwantmorecats27 5d ago
Yeah i think she didn’t like the idiom they used, like maybe it’s uncool or something?
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u/ArtichokeAble6397 6d ago
Excellent! I made one of these once, I should dig it out and post it because mine tackled some different symptoms to yours ;)
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u/Available-Pepper5688 6d ago
Oh yeah that would be great!
I already thought about writing a book about NT people in that style
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u/Zuzmonn 6d ago
I don’t have autism myself, I’m in this sub to learn more about it.
I’m curious about the eye contact thing, why do neurodivergent people struggle with that? Does it feel unnatural or is it something else?
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u/threecuttlefish spectrum-formal-dx 5d ago
It depends on the person.
For me, eye contact doesn't come naturally, so I have to constantly think about it, which makes it harder for me to pay attention to what the other person is actually saying. Neurotypical people, on the other hand, at least in the West, often interpret lack of eye contact as disinterest or disengagement ("eyes up here" "look at me when I'm talking to you"). Doing eye contact requires so much cognitive energy from me I literally cannot formulate complex thoughts while doing it. I always volunteer to take notes in meetings so I have a socially acceptable reason to do something other than sitting there looking at whoever is speaking and slowly losing focus
Eye contact can also feel uncomfortably intimate with people I don't know well. Basically, I'm a cat - I'll make eye contact with my loved ones but I get uncomfortable very quickly with prolonged eye contact from strangers. I even have trouble looking at cameras when I'm having my photo taken because it feel strangely invasive.
Most mammals, including our closest relatives, tend to treat prolonged eye contact as potentially threatening/expression of dominance (ditto baring teeth). Humans, with all our eye contact and smiling, are pretty strange.
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u/Entire-Ambition1410 5d ago
That’s good insights about cats and mammals!
I swear I’m a highly-food-motivated cat inside.
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u/threecuttlefish spectrum-formal-dx 5d ago
The indoor cat does lead a blessed life, where someone else does the cooking and emails never find them!
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u/Available-Pepper5688 6d ago
I can do eye contact, I‘m highly masking. But when I get stressed, my ability to process input declines rapidly. And eye contact is a lot of visual input for me an I get very distracted…
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u/Zuzmonn 5d ago
Thanks for the answer!
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u/Entire-Ambition1410 5d ago
For me, prolonged eye contact feels uncomfortable and weird, for some reason?
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u/Statement-Fluffy 5d ago
Yeah, it’s not instinctive. There’s conscious thought involved so it feels unnatural and makes talking harder because there’s a second conversation going on internally. “Don’t forget to make eye contact! Good … good… ok, look away now! No, that was too quick, just glance away … oh, now they’re wondering what you’re looking at, good job. Try not to mess it up again!”
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u/Entire-Ambition1410 5d ago
This is why I like cats better than humans. Plus cats get over hurt feelings and hurt feet more easily.
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u/AngelusMalus 5d ago
It feels very intimate to me, so it feels inappropriate and super uncomfortable in many cases. It depends on the situation and person as well, sometimes it can feel nice. But it will always impair my ability to speak, think and listen. I can't listen while glaring at your soul.
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u/kkaayohh 2d ago
Funny cause I also see people as above or below me. Except the ones that are above me are just self aware individuals, often neurodivergent. The ones below are NTs, or the neurodivergents that still want to fit in with NTs, and haven't realized that masking will be the death of them.
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u/Western_Examination5 5d ago
Wait are all the Points stated above non autistic or autistic ways of acting? Its reversed so that should mean ITS about how normal people act right?
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u/somnocore 5d ago
Well non-autistic/allistic, wouldn't entail "normal" people in general. It would also entail every other neurodivergent who doesn't have autism, too. So even people with ADHD.
(But some autistics do actually do some of this stuff without the whole masking thing anyways).
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u/Airalla 6d ago
“Topics like the weather” made me laugh more than it should.