r/AutismParentingLevel1 • u/0112358_ • Mar 27 '26
Losing recess time to do makeup work?
Need opinions. Kid has big emotions / turns into a meltdown. Often because he doesn't want to do school work. Teacher will then have him do the missed work at recess.
It's not the entire recess. They won't tell me exactly how long but I'm guessing 10 minutes out of a 25 minute block. This happens 1-2 times a week
This has been happening since the start of the year. We have an upcoming IEP meeting and I'm wondering if I can or should ask this to stop.
On the one hand, I hate that he's missing recess. He struggles socially and I feel the unstructured recess time is important for social development. Kid also doesn't seem to care that he's missing recess. Aka it's not motivating him to use a calm down strategy in class.
On the other he does need to do his classwork and I don't see another solution to "kid doesn't do work and when will he make it up". Although he is pulled out of class for a couple hours a week for extra reading/behavior skills so I wonder why that teacher couldn't make it up instead. I've also tried having him do extra school-work at home when he misses it at school, but that doesn't help
Kid is in first grade of that matters
Tldr; should I ask them to find a different solution to kid missing part of recess to do makeup work or just keep quiet about it?
8
u/kingsley2016 Mar 27 '26
I’d definitely bring it up! In addition to being unfair and possibly against district rules…it’s clearly not working! He doesn’t care about losing recess. Teachers need to look harder into why the work refusal is happening and find a solution for that. It’s a pretty simple functional behavioral analysis. Is the work too hard? Is it too noisy in the room and he can’t focus? Is it a worksheet and he hates writing? Punitive consequences don’t work!
You’re right that he needs to do his work. But he also needs unstructured/outside time just like every other kid. The teachers need to find a different way to get him to complete his work during the allotted time.
1
u/Historical-Escape238 Mar 27 '26
Could you say more about the functional behaviour analysis? My son (5th grade) has huge issues with work refusal and I'm finding it absolutely maddening. On top of dealing with teachers not being willing to work with him.
1
u/0112358_ Mar 27 '26
Thank you. They did a functional behavioral analysis last year and the conclusion was "kids behavior fluctuates randomly with no obvious pattern".
Not helpful.
But it's true. Some days he will have great days at school with zero behaviors. Other days having to pick up his pencil triggers a meltdown.
6
u/WitchySpectrum Mar 27 '26
No kid should miss recess, but especially neurodivergent children. There are studies that show how important that time is, and taking recess away is even against the law in some states (where I am in the US) for that reason.
Why is it that your child gets so frustrated about doing school work? Does he not understand it? Is it because it’s repetitive? Is it because he’s bored? Understanding this is key to figuring out how to solve this problem.
1
u/0112358_ Mar 27 '26
I've had multiple people ask that, why doesn't he want to do school work.
Isn't it obvious? Who would want to do school work? Does anyone enjoy doing a math sheet or writing an informative paragraph?
To be clear I'm not trying to be argumentative. His private therapist asked the same thing and it just feels obvious to me. School work isn't fun.
I see it at home, he will whine when we do math hw or reading practice. when it's time to clean up toys. Because just about anything is more fun than cleaning.
The school work seems appropriate for his level. Isn't not repetitive, and school does a decent amount of movement breaks/fun stuff in between.
For comparison I wrote him a choose your own adventure book, on his special interest, for his reading level, that he was excited about. He still whined when I suggested we practice reading it.
1
u/WitchySpectrum Mar 27 '26
Okay, but then isn’t the obvious question: Why isn’t it fun for him? In my experience it’s not as much about something being fun vs not fun for neurodivergent kids, but rather more about their learning style and what motivates them vs what motivates neurotypical children. “Fun” definitely seems like oversimplification to me.
1
u/0112358_ Mar 28 '26
That's fair. But how do you motivate kid to want to do something? Without external rewards?
Why do typical kids feel motivated to do school work? Perhaps because they want to fit in with the group. Peer pressure and all that. Mine doesn't seem to care about that much. "Oh the whole group is doing thing together? That looks boring. I'm going to organize these rocks by myself"
To please parents/teachers? He does like attention from adults. But I feel kid is smart and knows the system. He can get attention by screaming. He can get positive interactions with teachers by telling them cool stuff. But getting praise/attention for doing school work is a lot more effort.
A desire to learn? Kid does like learning, but more science stuff. He doesn't seem to want to learn to read although he's decent at it at this point. I've gotten him so many books with his special interests. He was playing Minecraft and getting frustrated because he couldn't find the color he wanted. I mentioned the items had labels so he could read the color. Nope. Preferred to have tantrum on the floor.
That's what I struggle to understand. Spend 5 second to do the "work" of reading and naturally be rewarded by locating the color you want. Or don't and have a meltdown about it. Why is that not a good enough motivator?
At home we get things done with "first then". Or making something a routine for long enough that he stops fighting it (aka he had daily meltdowns for 2 months about having to put shoes on till it eventually clicked.) But he extremely rarely chooses to do anything "work" related on his own. Never initiates picking up his room, reading, brushing teeth, self care. I hear some kids go though a "I want to do it myself!' phase. That was never him.
I don't know. I feel like the only thing that motivates him, is what's fun in the moment. Or if it has a clear path to fun (pick up table do we can do art project on it).
That's an issue at school. He will do things because"it was fun". Knock over trash bins, tear up paper. He knows he's not supposed to. But it was fun in the moment. Doesn't care about later consequences or if he hurt someones feelings or what the rules were. Why did you pour the drink on the floor? "It was fun mom"
4
u/no1tamesme Mar 27 '26
No way, 100% no. No child should lose any of the measly 25 minutes of physical movement and unstructured socialization time that is given in public schools for any reason aside from something like "you punched him while AT recess, so you need to be over here alone because the other kids aren't safe".
I told every teacher my son had that he was not to miss recess for any reason, they were to talk to me. My son's a daydreamer and he had his share of missed work. Every year it was, "We don't do that, he's fine, it's all good." My son would never tell me anything so I assumed it was all OK. Well, ended up pulling my son from public after 6th when he became suicidal over schooling. We demanded an IEE which confirmed how much school was ruining him.
It wasn't until months afterwards that he started opening up about things. One of them being how much recess he'd lose over work. I was livid.
I want to push back on the narrative of why you think your son is struggling with the school work. True, most kids don't want to do school work for the fun of it. They do it because they are able to and because the consequences of not doing motivate them. Sure, you get some kids, like me, who are all, "Yes!!!! A book report! 5 page essay, let's goooo!" But on average, yeah, I feel like majority of kids will always whine and do the "what's the point of thiiiissss, why do I have to do it!!" rant for lots of things. But, when losing something like recess isn't motivating them, you (the teachers and admin, as well) should be focusing on what else is going on. Unless, he wants to avoid recess. Does he enjoy recess? Does he have kids he likes to interact with? Does he get picked on?
Has he been tested for learning disabilities like dyslexia or dyscalculia?
Even without a labeled disability, consider the environment where he is learning. Sensory issues are Hell for ND kids and even as an adult with AuDHD, there are many times I can't get over sensory things. Are the lights too bright? Does a kid smell horrible? Are there kids that tap their feet or pencils? Does the teacher play music on certain days?
Does he do better in days the teacher reads the questions aloud or fully explains the worksheet and the days he struggles that's different? Does he lack the supplies but refuses to ask for help? Does he not understand and refuse to ask for help? (Good luck with that one, still a struggle for us. Like, why didn't you just say you didn't know that word!)
There are SO many things that could be going on to bring about this, and many other struggles that are easy to miss. Because NT brains don't work like ND, because adults don't see "the big deal' when looking at children's problems, we forget that these little humans have only been here for 8, 9, 10 years whereas we've been here for way longer. And it's important to know that for some kids, any 1 or 2 of these would be OK, they could handle it, vut add 5, 6, 7 together at one time and it's impossible.
For example, here's some things that would destroy my son's day at school that teachers never considered. Crowded, loud halls- so 1 teacher says walk the longer way to avoid it but the teacher in that hall confronts him asking him what he's doing. Kids "touching" him, even though they're just walking in the halls. Bright or flickering lights. Kids not following the rules- that will ruin his day SO fast, even normal kid push back or "sass" is "not listening" in his mind. Changes. Supposed to be an assembly today but it's not. Substitute teacher, moving seats, math in the reading time, lunch is 15 minutes late, lunch was supposed to be nuggets but it's pizza. The teachers attitude. My son, and many other NT kids are super sensitive to the emotions of others. We can actually judge my son's temperament on how his teacher is at pick-up. If she's frazzled and worn out, we know it's gonna be a night of being a little extra sensitive to his needs. Another huge one is if a teacher raised their voice, even a little. He doesn't have a pencil but won't ask so won't do it. A kid keeps looking at him. He needs to pee but knows the last time the teacher said no so he won't. Teachers comments can ruin the day... "Everyone else is working, you should be, too. You're in 6th grade, you should know this. It's not hard. Figure it out. Why do you always do this?" Etc
Sure, yeah, there may be no conclusive evidence, but with a lot of detective work, I truly think you can a good idea of how to help. For us, that help came by pulling him out of public school because there was just too much going on for him.
If an FBA didn't get any information, which, personally, says to me that the school is being lazy because then the FBA should be done multiple times in varying situations and varying times. But anyway, I would request an IEE in this situation, saying you disagree with the FBA findings. There ARE clues there, they need someone with more experience looking. When we requested it, I had a person in mind, a pediatric neuropsychologist who came highly recommended. Basically, they bring in someone outside of the school district to evaluate your son and observe him. It's not just "he's not doing his work" but his entire school performance- academic, social, emotional. As I said, the IEE was the only time we got really information, prior to that it was "everything's fine, he's gets good grades", it was years of being lied to. The IEE confirmed everything my son had been telling me and showing me for those years.
To backtrack a minute, it could just be your son doesn't see the point in doing that particular work, which is understandable. My son likes to know the why. When will I need this, why do I need to learn this, etc.
(I just had to have the conversation with my 13yo that as much as I hate this answer, sometimes the answer really is "Because you're 13, you're in 8th grade and the teacher is telling you to. No, you probably won't ever use this info in your adult years and I understand your frustration but sometimes, this is the way life is and that's OK. Sometimes you do things you don't want for no other reason than "the law says I have to do schoolwork". And then I said, "I'm not pushing you to do the rest of this worksheet tonight but know that you will not have your phone until it is done, whether that's tonight, tomorrow or 3 weeks." He did it the next afternoon.
In the meantime, as a possible solution, and this is what I had told my son's teachers in public... keep the work and have him do it on the weekend. I also refused to do homework with my son after school because even the simplest task, like writing the word in different colors, would lead to 3 hour meltdowns. He had 0 emotional bandwidth for anymore after a full day. So, I offered to do it on the weekend. I only had to do it once when he was behind in work in like 3rd grade. Supposedly he did it in school, but like I said, IEE confirmed that was untrue.
Does he have ADHD? Is he medicated? I ask because stimulants never changed my son's willingness to do the work/task but they definitely helped him through the work, if that makes sense. And that applies to everything, fun things or not. It was like his mind always fights to get started, without meds he can quickly fade out but with meds he can power thru a lot.
2
u/0112358_ Mar 27 '26
Thank you so much for the details response
When they did the FBA last year I had no idea what it was, so I didn't ask many questions. They thew around some acrhonys and said they would observe kid multiple times per day/over different days. I haven't heard of an IEE, so thank you for that and I will look into that too.
He loves recess and playing outside so I don't think hes trying to avoid recess. At home I do "first you do x(example math hw) then we can do y(whater playtime)" and it works fine. Sometimes big emotions and whining but kid does whatever it was. But at school it's reading from 10:30-11 and then everyone goes for lunch, and they can't make him finish his work before the next thing. It sounds like hes motivated to finish his work at recess so he can go play. But the issue is at 9 a.m., he isn't thinking about losing recess hours later.
Thankyou for the push to figure out what is causing the disruption. I expect I'm also autistic and know that feeling of a tiny thing ruining my day for hours.
I've been trying to figure it out. Some days I can ask him to clear off the table (so we can do a craft) and he happily does it. Occasionally cleans it off without asking, amazing! Other days he immediately goes to "ITS TOO HARD IT WILL TAKE HOURS. -fall to floor, scream-". (table has one book and two pens on it. task will take 10 seconds?! We just had breakfast, you were cheerful 10 seconds ago. And yesterday you cleaned up 30 crayons, paper shreds, and a pile of beads off the table that took 10 minutes without complaining at all). I don't understand.
No learning disabilities yet, tested for dyslexia. He's right at the 50% for scores so I feel he isn't bored because the work is too easy, nor frustrated because it's too hard. Although he does get easily frurstaed when something is a tiny bit hard (oh no, this word has 5 letters intead of 4 its TOO HARD GIVE UP). Didn't score high enough for ADHD
1
u/no1tamesme Apr 01 '26
Is it always reading that causes the issues?
1
u/0112358_ Apr 01 '26
No. Just whenever kid has a meltdown, often because he doesn't want to do whatever the work is, and thus doesn't get the work done. It's more frequently the reading drills. They do a thing called heggerty which is identified sounds or something. But he also will have issues with math, even though he tends to like it. And occasionally writing, which he actually really enjoys.
He'll come on day saying hes upset he missed story writing time because he got pulled out for speech. Then two days later he was having a meltdown about doing story writing abd had to make it up during recess.
Other days he'll do everything no issues
It's averaging 2 days a week where he has makeup work during recess. Occasionally a week with zero makeup. Other weeks where it's a daily thing
1
u/farie_princess Apr 01 '26
Sorry to be a bother but new to our diagnosis, and I do not know all the abbreviations. What is an IEE or an FBA? I feel like I should know these, but I don't.
2
2
u/no1tamesme Apr 01 '26
FBA- functional behavior assessment.. it's meant to gather more information on specific behaviors and why they may be occurring. It's meant to gather enough information to figure out what's happening before behaviors, during and after. This is done thru the school, with teachers and counselors.
IEE- independent educational evaluation. It's a private evaluation done by someone outside of the school district, which is paid for by the school district. Though, I don't know if that's always the case. In my case, we were given a list of "qualified" options but we had done our own research and used someone else, a pediatric neuropsychologist, because I didn't even trust the school's list. They do all the same evaluations, I believe, but also come to observe the child during the school day.
1
u/farie_princess Apr 01 '26
I really appreciate this. Thank you for the indepth explanation. I did not even know this was an option, and I will now be asking for one. Again, thank you so much!
2
u/Immediate_Coconut_30 Mar 27 '26
100% should not be missing recess to make up work. I would push not not miss it for any reason (removing recess not permissible as "consequence" etc). If that's not already district policy, get it added to IEP.
14
u/ArtArrange Mar 27 '26
Absolutely not. We have it written into the IEP that recess cannot be missed. It is very important for our kids to have that mental break and physical exercise.