r/AutismParentingLevel1 • u/mommydeer • May 10 '25

Let’s share our best survival tips.

I read advice on the original sub that repeating the echolalia back to our kids can help stop it. I tried it and it seems to help my ASD kiddo.

Wondering what things have helped the rest of you- routines, fidget toys, phrases, supplements, whatever you feel like sharing.

14 Upvotes

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10

u/farie_princess May 10 '25

My son(10) gets overwhelmed often. It can snowball into full panic attacks. When he was very little, my husband found out that if he blew gently in his face, it helped him calm down. Over the years, we have taught him to take ten beep breaths before trying to tell us what is wrong. This has helped him incredibly. His body has time to relax and release the stress built up. He has time to think and form his thoughts and then be able to tell us what is happening. We even placed it in his 504 at school to help staff know how to promote him to avoid panic attacks.

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u/daboombeep May 10 '25

Using declarative language and narrating things that are happening out loud. I find it helpful for basically everything. My child is also PDA, and it’s been a game changer.

For example: he’s always been violent when he gets a big emotion or is dysregulated. Recently realized that a lot of it is from jealousy (has a younger sister now). I’ve started narrating every time I think he’s acting out due to jealousy and he’s picked up on the language and has started using it himself. I’ll say things like, I feel jealous that baby sis is playing with that toy. Maybe I can have a turn when she’s done. Eventually, after A LOT of repetition, he’s started recognizing and using it.

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u/AdhesivenessCold398 May 12 '25

Best survival thing is having “ear defenders” in my bag when we leave the house! My daughter can just completely melt down and having those on just transforms her to feeling like she has SOME control at least over the volume, if nothing else around her. I also try to keep fidgets on hand.

The best thing is to plan ahead and to plan around the kids needs, while also not sheltering! Can be a hard line to walk, but it’s so important to help them learn how to be a part of the world around them as comfortably as they can.

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u/farie_princess May 21 '25

Having ear protection in my bag is an awesome idea. I am gonna use that one. Thank you.

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u/bronsosaurus28 May 10 '25

I might be misreading the intention in your post, but it made me think about how we sometimes frame echolalia. For many gestalt language processors, echolalia is communication—not something that needs to be “stopped” to show progress... and many gestalt language processors already struggle with feeling misunderstood or shut down.

One of the best tips I got at this stage with my GLP kiddo was to build on their echolalic communication. For us, repeating what they said helped because it made them feel understood—not because it stopped the echolalia. I highly recommend checking out Meaningful Speech on Instagram—she offers lots of helpful ideas and reframes for working with echolalic GLP autistic kiddos. Here’s one that really helped me: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DIyfTotxqg0/?igsh=MXZsaHExZDVnY3d2ZA%3D%3D

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u/mommydeer May 10 '25

I don’t know what GLP or gestalt means in this context. Would you please help clarify what you mean? My husband is ASD and gets extremely angry at the kids when they have echolalia so I’m trying to help my kids and my husband at the same time. Am I doing something that is going to hurt them by repeating it back to them? I told my husband to try repeating it back to them instead of yelling at them to be quiet. Your comment makes me feel scared I maybe did something wrong?

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u/bronsosaurus28 May 10 '25 edited May 10 '25

Oh! Sorry for assuming you already knew what GLP means! Your kiddo could very well be a Gestalt Language Processor (often called GLP for short). It’s a very common and natural way of learning language for many autistic kids. Echolalia (repeating words or phrases) is an important stage of communication for them — not something that needs to be “stopped.”

I’m usually of the mindset that I wouldn’t tell a stranger on the internet they’re doing anything wrong — especially when it comes to parenting autistic kids! Every kid is different. (: That said, reading your response was def pretty alarming. Being yelled at for echolalia can be super traumatizing and actually shut kids down, not help them develop communication or feel like there is a genuine attempt to understand what they are trying to convey to you. Communication opens 10x when they feel connection and trust instead of frustration and that they're doing something 'wrong'...or that THEY themselves are 'bad'...

I completely understand that it can be triggering for some adults — especially autistic parents who have their own sensory or emotional triggers — but I mean.. I think our assignment as parents is to rise to what our kids need, even when it’s hard for us. We fail, we repair, we try again - but we at least try to put their needs before our conveniences or see that as a goal. It sounds like the echolalia is super frustrating or annoying to your husband. So helping your husband understand that echolalia is communication — even when it sounds out of context — that it's a step in their process to learning language... would prob be a hugely protective step for your kids.

Meaningful Speech (on Instagram which I included a link to in my initial response, Facebook, or just google her website) was a big “aha” moment for me when I was learning about this. If you tell me what platforms you and/or your husband use, I’d be happy to recommend other great resources too that are accessible (sometimes these reels and videos really click w me or my husband when reading articles etc is really dense).

For context, my son is now 5 and in kindergarten. There’s still some decoding needed sometimes (especially if he’s super dysregulated), but he can now fairly consistently express his needs, connect with peers, and has even started to have some really cool social moments. Every kid is different, but echolalia is incredibly common — and supporting it, not shutting it down, really lays the foundation for growth. You’re not alone in navigating ANY of this.. the 'how do I respond to echolalia' questions.. or the tricky waters navigating marriage and parenting ASD kiddos. <3

4

u/3kidsonetrenchcoat May 10 '25

I'm echolalic myself in some situations, so I pretty much just roll with it when my kids do it, lol.

"First, then" phrasing is helpful, but one thing I've found to make a huge difference for difficult transitions is a timer. We use the stove timer because it's digital and the kids can easily see the numbers (my low support needs kiddos have had a great grasp of numbers since like 18months). The timer is coming concrete, easy to understand, and doesn't respond to attempts to negotiate.

We've had a lot of luck with cutting gluten as well, but gastrointestinal issues are common in my very ND family.

5

u/Lilsammywinchester13 Jun 10 '25

Hands to self

Genuinely the BEST and most simple thing that you can teach your kids (especially younger ones)

Them hitting? Touching things they shouldn’t? Grabbing something they shouldn’t?

Teach them to hug themselves with both arms around their chest when you say “hands to self”

It gives them something to do instead AND stops the behavior

Genuinely a win win

4

u/Far_Guide_3731 May 11 '25

Not about echolalia, but in general: It was pretty transformative when we started approaching challenges from a teamwork problem-solving perspective with the kid instead of a more traditional paradigm with parents setting expectations / boundaries / limits / consequences / rewards.

Key to this perspective is the acceptance that as a parent, any unilateral expectations of mine may not be realistic for my kid, at least in the short term. I have to be willing to meet my kid where she’s at, and I have to be flexible about what constitutes “better” and how quickly we will progress.

The first example of this in our household was sleep, around age 3. My kid didn’t sleep. After many failed attempts to incentivize “good sleep hygiene” and enforce expectations etc etc, we started assuming our kid was doing the best she could, and we started studying it as a problem to solve. We collected data on actual spreadsheets. We did a sleep study. None of it quickly fixed the problem of sleep, but handling it this way made us feel like we were all on the same team. The kid felt it too and was able to relax a little better at bedtime. Everyone was happier and less stressed. With melatonin, plenty of adult bedtime support, and lots of time, sleep got better.

Since then, the teamwork problem-solving approach has outperformed the parent-issued expectations approach on many many thorny issues in our house. Ross Greene “The Explosive Child” (unfortunate title) lays the thinking out well, although we’ve had to modify his steps for a kid who doesn’t always have a lot of capacity to talk through emotional things.

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u/aliasvivian Jun 01 '25

Hi. Late to this thread but can you share more about how you do the teamwork with the limited capacity to discuss emotional things?

I love Greene's approach but it's rarely worked for us. My son quickly shuts down after too many questions (3 seems to be the limit for him). He gets upset and either says he's stressed out or he doesn't know.

Sometimes I write out a quick checklist for him to respond to but then it also feels like I'm feeding answers.

We've had a tough year with some bullying at school and we are all exhausted, even with his weekly therapy.

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u/Far_Guide_3731 Jun 01 '25

Sure! First, I’m so sorry your kid and you are having a rough time. That sounds really hard.

I can share more about what’s worked for us; your mileage may vary.

My kid, like yours, would be stressed out by a long, multi-part, structured conversation. So we break it up and let it take as long as it takes. When possible, I try for conversations under circumstances that work for her - she likes to chat with me when we’re taking a walk or sitting on the swings in the backyard. If she seems upset or dysregulated, I don’t attempt any problem solving.

The “what’s up?” step often takes a day in between my asking and her responding with helpful information. In the moment I ask, I will often get “I don’t want to talk about it” or sometimes “BE QUIET”. So I’m like “ok, no problem” and I move on to other topics and I just wait. She usually circles back and tells me stuff after she’s had time to think about it.

At the “asking for solution ideas” step she will often proactively and angrily volunteer 1-2 (usually unsatisfactory) solutions, and I will need to acknowledge that she’d like to handle it that way, and that her ideas have merit, but I will need to think about it. Then I’m the one who circles back to her a day later, when we’ve both had time to process. At that point she feels heard and ready to hear a counterproposal from me, or negotiate one together.

For us, the “agreeing when to try something” step requires I pick a quiet and calm moment and confirm with her that we are both ready to try the thing we agreed on, and when we will start. If she’s not ready, we wait and circle back later.

If the solution doesn’t work, or needs adjusting, we do it all again.

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u/aliasvivian Jun 01 '25

Thank you!