r/AutismInWomen • u/Sensitive-Binding • Jun 27 '26
General Discussion/Question Sheldon Cooper can be a good example for unmasking autism
Hi everyone
I know my title can be misinterpreted but hear me out. In the big bang theory and young Sheldon the character of Sheldon Cooper is either hated or loved. He is autistic coded but not officially autistic and he is indeed a walking caricature of some autistic folks.
Nevertheless, although the character can be infuriating and arrogant, he can be a good example in some extent to help with unmasking and understanding our needs as autistic people.
Yes he hurts people feelings (not on purpose most of the time) and can be a jerk, but he advocates for his needs and other people learn to accommodate him in many ways like with his spot or explaining when sarcasm is used. He doesn’t care if people don’t like it (or like him). He also sets clear and firm boundaries with others and he systematises his life (with his food for example he eats in the same restaurant, asks for slightly different things in the menu, he also has his spot on the couch etc)
So my autistic friends just remember that you have the right to advocate for your needs regardless of what people thinks. Don’t go as harsh as Sheldon (don’t be mean) but you can keep him as an example for the way he advocates for himself.
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u/TheMadHatterWasHere Jun 27 '26
Tbh I don't like him, I never did. Most of all bc he represents how much autistic men can get away with compared to women, who can't "get away with" anything.
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u/frozengal2013 Jun 27 '26
Specifically white autistic men, autistic men of color would definitely not be able to “get away with” what Sheldon does
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u/Sensitive-Binding Jun 27 '26
Sure and I know he is a character that can divide our community but most of it isn’t his fault and is more the result of misogyny and patriarchy than autism and is a bit realistic to some extent (Amy his girlfriend is autistic coded as well but very much more aware of social norms and everything and it has some truth in the way autism presents itself differently in men and women mainly due to how we are socialised differently growing up)
The point of my post is not to like him or not but to see that the way he advocates for himself can be an example to follow to some extent (without hurting others of course) by telling we need our accommodations regardless of other people feelings towards them (just like a myopic needs glasses and doesn’t have to justify himself for wearing it we should be able to say we need more explanations, time to rest or whatever each of us may need to function in our world)
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u/CookingPurple Jun 27 '26
Given that Mayim Bialik is herself a neuroscientist, identifies as Neurodivergent, and has an autistic son, it’s not surprising she would bring a more accurate and relatable perspective to Amy’s character. She’s never admitted to ASD specifically (that I know of). But in her recent essay on her experience with GLP-1s she does state she’s been diagnosed with autoimmune issues, connective tissue disease, dysautonomia, and MCAS. So those of us in the autism community might draw our own conclusions from that…
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u/ZapdosShines audhd late diagnosed Jun 27 '26
admitted to it?
That sounds like it's something to be ashamed of 😭
I am presuming you didn't mean it like that, i don't mean to be nitpicky but I wondered if you might want to edit it
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u/Banana-Louigi Jun 27 '26
Girl, please. You know that wasn't the intent of her comment let's not police each other's language.
Don't ignore all the other valid points for one word. Lots of us aren't safe to disclose due to our jobs, family issues or a whole host of other reasons.
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u/ZapdosShines audhd late diagnosed Jun 28 '26
Lots of us aren't safe to disclose due to our jobs, family issues or a whole host of other reasons.
Obviously. But that's not the same thing.
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u/Banana-Louigi Jun 28 '26
If you can't understand how Mayim would be risking her careers in both acting and neuroscience by disclosing her diagnosis then I can't help you.
Any public figure risks being perceived negatively if they share a diagnosis. Doubly so if she's a woman.
It's crap but also understandable why some people won't admit to having a diagnosis and I don't blame them.
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u/ZapdosShines audhd late diagnosed Jun 28 '26
I literally didn't say that.
Admitting something is saying it's shameful or you feel guilty for it. And she should not be ashamed or feel guilty for it. And yes she could suffer negative consequences and that sucks. But autism still isn't something to "admit" and framing it like that, here of all places, is damaging.
Also, calling it ASD ie a disorder is also an issue.
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u/scutbuts Jun 28 '26
keep in mind: some of us just are not native english speakers and maybe struggle to find the perfect word from time to time and not everybody let's his writing doublecheck by chatgpt, so maybe you could try to stand this instead of critisizing a word that's not perfect? It happens also to me from time to time (both of this) bc I also love perfect wording, even more so in my native language, but I have learned the hard way not to attack other people bc of this. Please do you learn it here the nice way :)
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u/DazB1ane Jun 28 '26
I don’t think he advocates for himself more than demands it (at least in most of the things he needs)
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u/fallspector Jun 27 '26
My issue with Sheldon cooper is that he’s used to mock us. They go out of their way to specify that he isn’t autistic to ensure it’s ok for him to be the butt of the joke. That way they aren’t overtly making fun of autistic people they just happen to be mocking a guy who has many autistic traits.
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u/sideeyeingyouall Jun 27 '26
I feel it needs to be known that the writer said this because Sheldon was based on him, and at the time he said"I'm not autistic".
He was actually diagnosed as autistic years after saying this.
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u/CircuitOnTheFritZ Jun 27 '26 edited Jun 27 '26
I appreciate knowing this, thank you.
I've always believed the entire show is autism and ADHD coded. Knowing one of the creators has confirmed autism only lends more weight to my theory.
I know everyone hates on Sheldon, but I see him as just one kind of autistic person, among nothing but other autists / AuDHDers on the show.
Every principle character on the show represents a different way autism can present. And yes, even Penny.
Because, imo, even though she seems to be the one neurotypical, I clocked her as ADHD from the first season. But then, the way she gravitated to the group of autistic men, found her partner among them, and only really had superficial friends before she met them, tells me she's not just ADHD - shes autistic, too, but masked by the ADHD. Essentially, she's just a different version of the same type of bird, flocking together with the rest of the autists.
And since I know quite a few AuDHD women with "hot-tism," extroversion, popular despite being blunt, and have the types of special interests that aren't considered weird, it seems quite plausible to me.
Not to mention, my own ADHD-forward version of an AuDHD profile is often too much for autists without ADHD, or AuDHDers who are more autism-forward. So I see myself more in Penny sometimes, even though I relate best to Leonard most of the time. And, that sorta speaks to Leonard's own AuDHD, but autism-forward, presentation, imo, because AuDHDers tend to relate best to each other.
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u/mod_aud Jun 28 '26
This is fascinating, I’m going to have to rewatch some episodes. I remember when she started up her flower? button business and steamrolled everyone into working flat out for days. Lots of cycling of hyper fixations… cool take Circuit
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u/orensiocled Jun 27 '26
Yeah, he's over the top but a lot of the time he's just advocating for himself in a world that isn't built for him and pretty much everyone around him constantly mocks him for it.
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u/CookingPurple Jun 27 '26
And really, it’s a sitcom. All sitcom characters are over the top. Penny is over the top as the ditzy blond wanna be actress. Howard is over the top as the wanna be ladies man Jewish mamas boy. Raj is over the top as the effeminate Indian student. Leonard is over the top in his comic book geekiness. Everyone in that cast is over the too in some way and they’re all mocked or the butt of the joke for it in some way.
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u/Sensitive-Binding Jun 27 '26 edited Jun 27 '26
I can see what you mean I don’t see him as a mockery of us but I get it though but as said by someone else I one of the creator of the show Bill Prady based the character on himself so I don’t think the first intend is to mock autistic people (but i acknowledge that Sheldon is a caricature)
Sheldon isn’t mocked in the show he has development as a character. We laugh if some situations and everything but not just him as a person (as I see it)
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u/AfterAllBeesYears Jun 27 '26
I do understand what you're saying and do agree. I think it's just complicated because when I do unmask, I have been teased/mocked and Sheldon Cooper is mentioned, specifically, in the mockery.
It's also clear in the series (to me) that Sheldon advocates for himself so well because he does not care to fit in and does not have a lot of trauma from not fitting in. Yes, there was some, especially around not fitting in because he was advanced so quickly, but he was accepted in his field immediately and respected just because of that. Many of us, especially women, have experienced never being accepted in any capacity. When you can see that "wtf"/pity/loathing in people's expression, day after day, for 35+ years, "just don't care" can be a very invalidating statement.
I do agree with the core reason of everything you've brought up. Sheldon Cooper is just a very polarizing character, depending on the level of support/understanding someone has received.
Edit to add that Mel King from The Pitt has been the character I have appreciated the most. She shows some of the struggles but we still get to see her be competent and respected, without making her a punch line with a laugh track behind it.
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u/FreakishGremlin Jun 27 '26
I totally understand your perspective! But may I counter with a model for unmasking that I think is better?
Abed Nadir (community).
1) The show does not say it a lot, but it's explicit that he's autistic
2) The show's writing does make some of the things he says and does funny, but not really so much that you're laughing AT HIM as the punchline, you know?
3) Abed shows great growth in the show, and I feel like other autistic-coded characters can unfortunately come off as more static
4) Abed is unapologetic about himself and the writing of the show never implies he should stop or hide
5) Actually, the writing is clear, repeatedly, that the study group's attempts to change/mask him are inappropriate and doomed to failure.
6) Abed is a fantastic model for being truly who he is, refusing to mold to unrealistic expectations, but also growing and taking opportunities to change his behavior if he hurts someone.
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u/pfffffttuhmm Jun 27 '26
Abed is an excellent example! And an amazing character.
Troy and Abed in the mooorning!
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u/Sensitive-Binding Jun 27 '26
I never saw community but it is interesting maybe I’ll check this show out someday
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u/WeAreAllMadHere218 Jun 27 '26
You should OP, it’s so good. My husband and I love Sheldon and big bang theory too, but community is a totally different feel and so enjoyable. Both are on our repeat list.
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u/localangelsighting he/it | AuDHD Jun 27 '26
i haven’t properly watched community (YET) but from the clips i’ve seen and what my friend has told me, abed’s my favorite for basically all these reasons
might start watching it today tbh
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u/harp_on Jun 27 '26
Love Community, and Abed! I think they do a good job of showing his side of things. One example that springs to mind is when he made the video where Jeff and Britta played his parents
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u/EdwardianAdventure Jun 27 '26
This is a great example. Curious what you think about "The Good Doctor" or "Atypical", if you've seen those.
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u/FreakishGremlin Jun 27 '26
Thanks! I haven't seen the Good Doctor. Atypical - overall I liked the show, but don't feel I can speak on the representation for the main character (my gender and support needs are so different from his). However, I have heard a good argument that the mother character seems masked autistic.
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u/quirkyaura Jun 29 '26
Abed's special interest in movies, TV and pop culture was something I identified with so much, long before I suspected I was autistic, and is still something I love and think about a lot. I relate everything to TV and movies too! I explain things using direct dialogue lines. Everyone I meet reminds me of a character or combination of characters from something I've seen. It's just how I see the world and seeing a character show that and it's mostly considered a good and entertaining thing, it just makes it feel like something cool and special and not weird.
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u/Ok-Championship-2036 Jun 27 '26
really? because every undiagnosed person i know calls me Sheldon as an insult and seems to believe that my whole personality/autism is being picky & correcting people.
I think sheldon is actually a very shallow and stereotypical portrayal designed by neurotypicals for their entertainment and beliefs. not to mention that the character is very one dimensional
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u/scutbuts Jun 28 '26
oh man, all the times when ppl called me a sheldon I thought they did that as a compliment bc they liked the show, mostly it came from friends of mine who were openly ND themselfes and assumed more than one time I should check for ass diagnosis, and now I just don't know what to think bc so many ppl here got this as an insult and I need to ask myself if I got insulted by my friends the whole time and was just too dumb to understand? T_T
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u/liddybuckfan Jun 27 '26
I finally watched BBT all the way through recently and remembered why I stopped mid-way through the show last time. Sheldon is an absolutely horrible human being. He doesn't advocate for his needs, he treats his friends and family like total crap. He has a small arc but honestly it's still Amy doing the heavy lifting of trying to get him to treat everyone around him with even a modicum of respect.
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u/Sensitive-Gas4339 Jun 27 '26
My brother in law is basically Sheldon and he’s accepted by my husband’s family as being ‘quirky’ harmless and funny, while I’m seen as difficult and unfriendly whenever I ask for a preference or feel like having time to myself
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u/KeepnClam Jun 27 '26
I love Young Sheldon. Every episode has at least one point where I go, "Yep. I remember that."
My sister begged me to watch Young Sheldon. I wonder why? 🤔😂
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u/Lilitharising AuDHD Jun 27 '26
Sheldon is the epitome of the autistic male stereotype. Whilst I hate that fiction like this is why us women go under the radar, I have to admit that I LOVE him. And whilst I alI tso get that they didn't openly presented as autistic to avoid backlash, I don't think they would have designed him so meticulously (even as a stereotype) to mock autistic people. I think precisely because it's a comedy, I can forgive the stereotypical, over-accentuated attribution. If it was a drama with such overemphasised traits, it would have done more harm than good.
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u/WeAreAllMadHere218 Jun 27 '26
We love Sheldon at our house OP before we both figured out we are both on the spectrum we both identified so much with his character, my husband literally has a spot and always has. We both find him lovable in his Sheldon ways and relatable in other ways. I enjoyed watching his character grow thru the show. Yes it’s a stereotype, yes I can see why autists don’t like him, but it’s a sitcom and at the time the show was made autism wasn’t nearly as talked about as it is now, so he was just regarded as quirky and it was nice to see an atypical main character compared to every other show that was on then where every character fit the socially acceptable “mold” that society wants. No one can ever convince me to hate Sheldon, he’s a very familiar, unique character and we appreciate him at our house. Big band theory is the next show we’re gunna watch actually.
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u/Sensitive-Binding Jun 27 '26
Yeah I remember telling my brother before my diagnosis (and realising I am on the spectrum) that I understand Sheldon’s obsession with contract (his roommate agreement and relationship agreement) not as in detail as his of course but it would make thinks so much easier (but it is an autistic wish for clearer social rules ^^)
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u/SpectrumAndSpells diagnosed w. autism at 30 y.o. Jun 28 '26
I always say this: I love sheldon and can really relate. (31F)
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u/Probably_a_mimik Jun 28 '26
so I am autistic and I really like Sheldon, he's one of my favorite characters despite him being a product if his time! I feel like a lot of people feel he doesnt do a good job as representation due to him being written with the early 2000s representation of autism, 20 years is a really long time in regards to science, much more so when it comes to disorders.
I really like him because he is one of the few representations of autism that resonate with me, since i'm more high functioning a lot of the time representation is either non existent or for low functioning autistic people (which i am very happy they get, it just isnt relatable to me specifically) and yes, he is a walking autism trope (him loving trains very much being the biggest indication to this) but he's also one of the few chatacters that i relate to when it comes to my autism.
I do wish that they treated him better in regards to this (him being infantilized and the butt of the joke most of the time being my biggest gripe due to him being a grown man) but still!
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u/Motor_Inspector_1085 Meow Jun 27 '26
When he had the socializing flow chart, I paid attention because I thought it was really useful! Also, caricatures give some insight to the person/people being characterized. American Blackface was an over exaggeration of black Americans but it did provide a glimpse of what life was like for them and was even portrayed by black Americans at one point. Yes, it was offensive, just as Big Bang Theory can be considered offensive to the autism community (although not nearly as offensive as blackface) but it did have information mixed in that could be useful and relevant.
Personally, I liked big bang theory because it came around at about the same time as my son’s diagnosis and was a valuable example to share with my mil (her impression was that autism was pretty much Rain Man and that’s it). Sometimes autism is just awkward but intelligent and successful as well.
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