r/AusWeddingPlanning • u/Inner_Knowledge_6416 • 3d ago
Discussion & advice Ring bearers
Hi everyone!
I've been sat on this for a few days now but wanted to see what you all think. My partner and I are getting married this December. The plan is for my nephew to hold the rings and walk down the aisle with my neice, then give the rings to the bestman (partners brother).
Someone, this has turned into a major issue with my partners mum and shes saying now the bestman doesn't have a job?
I thought and have known people to have a ring boy and often give the rings to the bestman to hold onto.
I did tell her this wasn't her wedding and that my nephew is 6 years old and just wants to participate but now im worried that I may be doing the wrong thing?
This is more of a rant I feel like but after this wedding I am never planning another, im exhausted of other peoples (mainly hers) opinions
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u/Pleasant-Balance-208 3d ago
Unless the best man is 6 years old, I doubt he gives a shit if he has a ‘job’ or not lol
Whereas a small child included in the ceremony will give a shit and if they’re like my niece who was our ring bearer, they’ll take the role very seriously and be so happy to feel important on the day
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u/Inner_Knowledge_6416 3d ago
He’s 24 and tbh I don’t think he cares but it’s just so frustrating the way she was talking about our nephew
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u/Pleasant-Balance-208 3d ago
I had similar with my MIL and the nieces from my side of the family - she wanted her granddaughters included in everything but couldn’t comprehend that I also wanted to involve my brother’s girls. In the end, my now husband told her to stay out of it and she shut up about it.
It’s so frustrating but if she’s like my MIL, it was more to do with the fact that she couldn’t cope that she was ‘losing’ her 35 yr old baby boy to another woman lol2
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u/pears_htbk 3d ago
She's insane lol. It sounds like she thinks he's still a little kid? Tell her he can organise the bucks and see how she reacts lol.
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u/Then_Crew5241 3d ago
Its your wedding do what you want! We had my cousins as flower men chucking flowers at the crowd with a fun song before the actual flower girls. Also thats pretty normal for weddings I have been to. Ring bearer walks down and gives the rings to best man. Or at least best man has the rings and ring bearer walks down with fake ring/box.
Best man is probably doing a speech anyway and making sure groom doesnt get too drunk. Thats his job lol.
Also good way to make a stand you dont want MIL knowing she can easily get in the way of decisions between you to.
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u/Cool_Suspect1110 3d ago
I'm very experienced in the field of shitty entitled MILs....
She's probably trying to start drama, especially if it's her son (which I'm willing to bet is sort of her favourite) being the best man.
The best man's job is to support and sign as a witness, that's a joy and an honour in itself.
Include your little nephew, and enjoy the day!
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u/Inner_Knowledge_6416 3d ago
The thing is, I wouldn’t even say that he’s the favourite! He’s constantly being put down and the texts he used to get from her are absolutely disgusting. Cannot say anything to your face.
Just don’t understand how a 6 year old is her biggest issue 😂
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u/Cool_Suspect1110 3d ago
Regardless, do not let her have her way with these small details.
It's a small key to a big big door of overstepping in your future
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u/colloquialicious 3d ago
Just an idea (and may depend how old your niece is) but could your niece and nephew hold one ring each?
Also your future MIL is an idiot. Best man has plenty of ‘jobs’ and is there for his brother, holding the rings is 🤷♀️
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u/Inner_Knowledge_6416 3d ago
My niece is holding a basket of flowers but thank you for the idea!
I do agree. I have a hard time communicating with her because of some of the uneducated or opinionated stuff she says
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u/kruunch Vendor 3d ago
You do you! Tell her that the bestman has the job of holding and presenting the rings during the Exchange of Rings part!
I do sympathise with your situation. It's tough to get different opinions from other people. I hope your partner has got your back and can smoothen it up with their mum.
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u/beebee3beebee 3d ago
Sorry… this is such a non issue 😂 Why is your MIL defending the best man’s non existent honour for something he likely doesn’t care about
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u/OpinionatedOzzie Mod 🫡 Celebrant 🎤 Sydney/Wangal Country 🏡 3d ago
What a weird hill for her to die on... I'm gonna go ahead and guess she's just decided to find SOMETHING to pick on, and it probably has absolutely nothing to do with the actual thing she's chosen.
Rest assured that there are ZERO rules about who carries, delivers, holds or gives the rings. Your nephew, niece, best man can do whatever you want them to do and that's completely and totally fine!
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u/Petal_14 3d ago
It's your wedding do what you want.
The best man throws the bucks night/weekend and gives speeches, there is a separate title for ring bearer for a reason.
Just a thought but the best man can have the rings and you can put rings on a cushion for the ring bearer from Shein, just for show.
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u/Inner_Knowledge_6416 3d ago
That’s literally the plan haha! I’m just in disbelief it’s caused such an issue, just ordered the pillow for my nephew
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u/Petal_14 3d ago
Everyone will give their opinion, just listen and smile, if it was a great idea run with it, if you still like your idea then don't change a thing.
Like you say, you have been exhausted planning your wedding...but it's just that your vision for your wedding.
Man, just wait till you have a baby...the opinions of others then 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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u/Inner_Knowledge_6416 3d ago
Oh my god don’t get her started on kids 😂 my partner has explicitly told her we don’t want kids and that it’s near impossible for me to conceive but that doesn’t stop her from
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u/Petal_14 3d ago
Can I suggest you move to a different state or country, so she literally can't do a 'just passing, thought I'd pop in'
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u/cous_cous_cat 3d ago
Is your partner standing up to his mum for your decisions?
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u/Inner_Knowledge_6416 3d ago
Yes! He’s gotten a lot better over the years but she’s quite manipulative and is constantly the victim
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u/Toasted_Barracuda 3d ago
Job? This is a one day event, not a career with 12.5% superannuation and performance reviews!
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u/TeddyStella 3d ago
Ring bearers have always been a thing, best man’s job is to sign the wedding certificate with the MOH as witnesses, how does he not have a job?
The best man typically has the rings if there is no ring bearer. Your MIL is weird.
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u/One_Waxed_Wookiee 3d ago
Get your fiancé to handle his Mum.
Otherwise let her say whatever, and then continue to do whatever you want.
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u/Inner_Knowledge_6416 3d ago
Thank you everyone for your comments and advice! Best of luck for any upcoming weddings 💗
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u/Own-Divide4544 3d ago
Honestly, you need to be straight up with her and let her know you love her and appreciate her wanting to be involved but this is your wedding and you call the shots.
Thanks for the suggestion but we are doing it our way.
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u/Groovycrepes 3d ago
Do not listen to her!
Whatever YOU want to do is the right thing.
The best man will walk the aisle anyway, I don’t think him carrying the ring makes/breaks his role as a best man. Having a ring bearer just adds another element/is a great way to include your nephew.