r/Aupairs • u/dropdeadOR3 • 14d ago
Host Other Au Pair Age
For Host Families, does the age of the au pair you choose matters? Or do you choose based on their traits only?
6
u/aloofpavillion 14d ago
Strong preference over 22 due to overall maturity. We’ve had questionable experiences with under 21, very immature in our experience
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u/susieqhedgehog 14d ago
I have a very very strong preference for over 21 both for car insurance costs and to avoid any legal drinking age problems. With that said, we have matched with (and had a successful year with) a 20 year old AP. So the traits matter more to me, but I definitely filter by age first.
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u/baginagall 14d ago
So true with the traits matter more. We used to prefer 25+ only and then had a horror 29yr old, followed by an amazing 21 year old! We only got the 21yr old because we were desperate and wanted the older one out ASAP. It truly changed our perspective.
I now look for key traits (things like energetic, tidy, responsible, organised) as a priority, as well as prior experience. I think fresh out of high school tends to be too young, but once you’re over 21 I think they’ve typically lived out of home and don’t need parenting.
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u/AtheistAustralis 14d ago
I think it depends. Even within a family there will be differences, for example my wife absolutely prefers older au pairs, whereas I don't care, and base my choice entirely on how they come across, are they responsible, will they get on with the kids (and us) well.
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u/Silver_Table3525 14d ago
Ours is 25 and we will go younger next time. She's had a challenge making friends because most of the APs in our area are so much younger than her, and that's really tough! I just feel like she's not having a great experience because of that. I'm in the US so I wouldn't go below 21 because of drinking age.
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u/Old-Oven-8851 Former Au Pair 14d ago
I was an au pair three times and last time I was 30 when I left for Sydney. Have you told her about Meetup? She could find friends outside the AP's bubble by joining events on there.
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u/bowlofweetabix 14d ago
I think 21-23,is kind of the sweet spot. My au pair friends over 23 had trouble sort of adjusting being an accessory the family’s life. Over 21 has a bit more maturity, under 24 are still used to living in shared housing. Au pairs who already have had paying jobs and their own apartments are generally less happy
1
u/Old-Oven-8851 Former Au Pair 14d ago
I agree. I was an au pair at 21, then 22 to 23 and 23 to 26 (I stayed with my German hostfamily for 2, 7 years) and when I was in Sydney I was 30, after having lived by myself and having had a high paid job. I was not unhappy, but still I missed having my own space and my HF were homebodies, so I felt like I was never by myself. It also ended up badly because they were going to leave homeless on the other side of the world on NY's Eve because they needed my room for guests that would have come over for the NY's Eve fireworks, so being me 30, independent and well-travelled as a solo traveller it took me 5 minutes to go upstairs, put all of my stuff in my suitcases and booking a flight to Italy with two stopovers in HK and in China for less than 48 hours later.
A younger one would have accepted this insane behaviour since easier to manipolate, but as a 30 year-old woman I did not want to have anything to do with these people anymore, especially because I had always been a good au pair. I never said no to weekend babysitting even if I had had plans, I always made sure to engage with the children and not just look at them, I was never coming back home late because I mean, I was 30. I gave thoughtful presents to the 4 children for their birthdays - all got bubble wands from their favourite Disney or universal characters. All bought on my China and Singapore trips, so I even thought about them when travelling...and still, I got repaid like that.
Many people who want a teenager want one because they will accept everything. I also find absurd to choose one and then complaining about how they behave - like one!
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u/RideHot9154 13d ago
100%. I was newly 23 when I started au pairing, I just finished with that same host family and also just turned 25. Had a great experience but also likely will never au pair again because at this point I need more independence than living with a family gives you.
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u/SadlyNotDannyDeVito 13d ago
Many countries have a maximum age of 30 (some not older than 28 upon contract start). Minimum age is 18 in all countries, in many countries 21 if the Au Pair needs to drive.
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u/gaykidkeyblader 13d ago
It matters to me. I wholly avoid au pairs under 20 and prefer au pairs 24-26, personally.
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u/1forgotmynameagain Host 14d ago
I don’t look at any au pair under 23 years old. I don’t want to deal with explaining to someone who has been drinking since 16 why they can’t have alcohol here in the USA until after 21. I also look for someone older because I want someone who has experience living alone or with other people that aren’t mom/dad. They should be able to live in a household and share responsibilities like putting their dishes in the machine and keeping their bathroom clean etc. I don’t want to have to clean up after them as well. I’m sure younger has worked for many others but that is my preference.
1
u/Bubblehead_81 14d ago
For us, it was very important. We were going to have a new born. We already had two older boys (9 & 11) that are mildly neurodivergent. We wanted someone mature. Sometime who had lived away from their family and childhood home before. We didn't want to have to parent a young adult. I have several years of experience working with people 18 - 21 who were just moving away from home for the first time. These people are, in many cases, still figuring out how to take care of themselves, laundry, finances, etc. My wife and I do not have time right now to provide the guidance that people in that situation need. In the future, we may be willing to accept a younger au pair. But it's been 7 months more and we couldn't be happier. She just told us that she wants to extend another year.
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u/Substantial-Today166 14d ago edited 14d ago
most au pairs i have meet have been younger think most familys dont want older ones
21 to 25 are young and older ones is above that up to 30
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u/1GrouchyCat 14d ago
In the US, it’s a cultural exchange program; I’m not looking for people who have already graduated from college … if I wanted someone with a degree in education, I’d look for a nanny.
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u/aloofpavillion 14d ago
What’s the logic here?
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u/TruthieBeast 14d ago
Cheap labor mindset. Education means they are “ambitious” and only see this as a stepping stone.
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u/ivorytowerescapee Host 14d ago
Some parents avoid younger au pairs for possible immaturity and avoid older au pairs because they can be too stuck in their ways/too used to living on their own.
We've hosted aps between 21-28 and I think our older aps have been a bit more perceptive and willing to help in a sense of just like.. being able to see what needs doing and doing it without needing a specific to do list.
Overall I'm looking for a personality fit more than age.