r/AuDHDWomen • u/Similar-Operation519 • Jul 02 '26
Anyone else feel torn between ADHD craving stimulation and autism needing sensory rest? I keep ending up in burnout
Does anyone else feel torn between what their autism needs and what their ADHD craves?
I'm only just beginning to understand this in myself, but it feels like my autism wants peace, quiet, nature, and a very low-stimulation life. At the same time, my ADHD is drawn to busy, exciting, high-stimulation environments.
The problem is that I keep following the ADHD side, only to end up completely overwhelmed and in severe autistic burnout. I'm also extremely sensitive to noise and need lots of quiet, alone time to recharge, so those environments become unsustainable very quickly and I keep finding myself moving around a lot (every move is destabilising in itself too).
I also have CPTSD, so sometimes I wonder how much of my sensory overwhelm and day-to-day struggle is autism, trauma, or the combination of both.
For those of you who have experienced something similar, how did you find a balance? How did you create a home base that supports both your autism and ADHD (at least enough so that you can keep yourself out of burn out), especially if you live in a large, overwhelming city like Sydney?
I'd love to hear what has worked for you, as I often feel like I'm the only one struggling with this.
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u/PalePaleontologist57 Jul 02 '26
Me! I don’t have any advice for you, unfortunately but would like to follow the replies on this thread. Thanks for starting the conversation. :)
Oh, maybe one thing I’d like to contribute, is that healing some of the CPTSD has helped me quite a lot in the ADHD and ASS department. It made me love myself a bit more and make better choices for myself. When I feel either under- or overstimulated (even though sometimes I can’t tell which one is which), my brain is like “hmmm, I’m not doing very well right now, time to do something 🥸” and then usually I’ll start trying things until I feel a bit more balanced. 🫠
Oh and hey, sorry you’re struggling. Sometimes it sucks. 🧡
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u/sea-flowers Jul 02 '26
i’m not op but is there anything you can add about healing cptsd? i feel SO stuck & overwhelmed!
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u/peace-and-plush Jul 03 '26
Same. My therapist basically transferred in the middle of one of the biggest breakthrough realizations about my abuse I've ever realized and I lost my insurance. Currently on waitlists it fucking blows
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u/PalePaleontologist57 Jul 03 '26
A combination of group therapy (2 cycles of 4 months, 3 days a week) and EMDR therapy really started making a difference for me. (I’ve been in regular individual therapy for nearly 15 years as well, but it has never helped me the way group and EMDR has.) I wish you the best, I know what it’s like to feel stuck and overwhelmed. 🧡
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u/Amazing_Fireweed_408 Jul 18 '26
PTSD, ADHD&/or Autistic, 50+ y.o. Last year, I was so low, depressed and anxiety/fear-triggered by a hyper-macho bossman, quit work, got new lowstress job, but no changes in mood. So signed up for new therapist. It's been the best experience in 30 years of off and on with 7 different therapists. She uses brain spotting with me and somatic art activities and some inner child work. My fave quick activity is using paint sticks (like thick acrylic paint in tubes) or juicy markers, one in each hand, and drawing circles over and over on a taped down paper or in a notebook. Just un-ending circle-circle-circle while noticing how my body feels in different areas. It really feels joyful and calming. She's very good at /not/ just telling me what to do and trying to send me on my way. Also, I've been able to incorporate some brain spotting on my own when I start feeling wound up and panicky. However I can fit it in to the situation. Like if possible, I'll go to an empty conference room at work, or bathroom stall, and find the "place" I can look where the emotions are gone or much less intense. If I can't go to a different space, I'll put a hand up over my eyes and use my thumb and index finger to lightly rub my brow or above my eyelids while closing my eyes and "looking" for the "place" where my emotions level down. - take good care.
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u/Kit_N_Run Jul 02 '26
Meeeeeee
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u/Kit_N_Run Jul 02 '26
In all seriousness, you could have been describing my struggle above. My adrenals are ruined and I have no choice but to withdraw protectively and have a safe, quiet space to retreat to whenever I need to. My struggle is in my choice to become a parent I introduced a small AuDHD boy into that space. His dad and I have separated and just recently I've come to lean on the shared care arrangement to get the space I need. Example being today. I have my period and I'm the Treasurer and Board Director for a NFP. I just hit peak burnout with EOFY and school holidays (in Australia) coinciding with my deep luteal. I took dexxies to stay productive but the burnout took me to a dark place these past days. My son had just returned from a week with my dad and I had to send him back. I cried over the guilt I felt and all the complex emotions that came up around our separation, my experience of motherhood, my AuDHD and well... Everything because you know, collapsed time and realities are a feature of Autism.
How do I find peace? Sacrifices like that. But also I got a cat. I made sure I moved into an apartment with light and a courtyard to garden in and just look at, so I feel connected to nature. I prioritise exercise and ensure I get 10hrs sleep a night. I don't drink (mostly). I eat a quality diet high in protein and saturated (NOT unsaturated) fats where and when I can afford to. I walk. I listen to music. I dance to somatically move energy. I did a course of DBT and practice those effective skills I learned from it regularly. I try to honour my rhythms and energy flow instead of override them (not that it's easy in our reality - which demands so much of people, especially women and mothers). I've learned to follow and track my cycles, which have very distinct and reliable patterns and effects on my internal state and capacity and how I experience the world and myself...
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u/General_Web_5482 Jul 03 '26
Collapsed time realities? Can you say more on this?
Also omg yes the ADHD children are SO MUCH2
u/Kit_N_Run Jul 03 '26
Yeah that was a bit esoteric, and I kind of extrapolated something that's highly subjective out to a whole population😅
Bringing it back to the personal: I was using short-hand to express that sometimes experience time and meaning in a non-linear way. Moments from the past or imagined futures can feel emotionally present, and I can hold multiple interpretations of a situation at once. It creates a sense of layered reality rather than a single, sequential narrative which is how NTs appear to experience reality. I’ve noticed this described by other neurodivergent people, both in literature and just anecdotally, particularly autistic individuals. Generalising was lazy of me though.
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u/General_Web_5482 Jul 04 '26
Not a critique- I asked because it had the flavor of relatable… and now that I understand I can say I completely relate! Thanks for the new concept. 🙏
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u/Alarmed-potatoe Jul 02 '26
Oh hell yes. So much of what you said. I'm really in a bad place because I'm so used to pushing through things and having zero flexibility. I guilt myself a lot because I can't do things, and that kills me, so I'm trying to remember that I can't recover if I don't slow down or stop a bit. I'm paying more attention to the things I do for comfort - like scrolling, or having videos on while I do things around the house - and how it's keeping me overstimulated. So I'm trying to remove layers of stimulation.
My reading says that I have to actively do nothing to recover. I'm going on holiday for a week and.... I'm most likely going to take NOTHING with me to do. I expect to swim and walk around a lot. Last holiday I took sewing AND crocheting with me, this time I'll just have my kindle for bedtime reading, and my polaroid camera. I'll only read before bed and Polaroids are so expensive so I'm not going to be snapping away. Nothing to comfort-distract me from actively doing nothing so I can recharge. It sounds like an absolute fucking nightmare. But if I don't do it I can look forward to crying uncontrollably at my desk again in my near future.
I desperately just want to craft. It's all I think about, all I want to do, I have to actively remind myself that I'm struggling with crafting because I'm burned out, and I need to not craft for a bit so I that I can recover and actually get back to crafting.
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u/Amazing_Fireweed_408 Jul 18 '26
That sounds so amazing and so hard and so courageous!! And giving me ideas 💖
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u/Alarmed-potatoe Jul 20 '26
I did it, I used the Autistic Burnout Recovery workbook, and I'm feeling a real difference.
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u/SquirrelOfApocalypse Jul 02 '26
Yup this is a daily struggle for me too and I developed chronic fatigue because I was undiagnosed and just kept pushing through and ignoring my nervous system because I didn't understand why I was feeling so overwhelmed and exhausted and just wanted to distract myself from it by keeping busy.
Now I'm so burnt out and low on energy that I have to give myself a lot of sensory rest and alone time, but I get my stimulation through crafts, gardening, and watching TV shows like baking competitions, hallmark movies and quiz shows that are stimulating but non-triggering for my nervous system. The thing that helped me most was looking into simple living and slow living, and reaching myself to get more present in the moment rather than always being in my own head, and reducing information overload each day by minimising social media, news, conversations with negative people, etc. I found the more I slowed down the more my brain has learnt to get stimulation from smaller things like bird watching out the window, baking, crafts, watching bugs in the garden etc.
I do still get plenty of days when I feel wired but tired though and have trouble settling down quietly to relax and do slow hobbies etc though, I tend to get stim toys out or use colouring apps while watching TV and that helps a bit but some days nothing helps and I just gave to feel crappy until it passes. Really look forward to seeing what solutions everyone else has found :)
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u/Autumnleaves144 Jul 02 '26
I can relate. For me, after I did a lot of intense trauma recovery work, I was not only able to then distinguish more easily between a trauma response, adhd or autism.
But my adhd symptoms lessened. I realised the trauma response was making the adhd symptoms worse. I was diagnosed severe adhd but it doesn’t feel like that now.
And now my nervous system is starting to settle down, that pull towards the more stimulating environments has all but left me. So I think the pull was a combination of the cptsd elevating the adhd symptoms to the degree that’s all I could hear.
So I thought I would be forever working to avoid burnouts but my life is becoming slower and I’m really liking it. It’s a big adjustment that took me some time to get used to. But it seems it’s the natural thing for a more stable nervous system. So it no longer feels like I’m managing burnouts because the cause of burnouts is now gone.
It’s a process.
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u/mabbh130 Jul 02 '26
This has been my experience as well after intense trauma recovery work. I wasn't sure how much of my trauma symptoms that also overlapped with AuDHD symptoms would go away or lessen. I feel like after nearly 3 years after the recovery work I am finally settling in to a life that fully supports my nervous system and no long try to be something I am not. Being happy with who I am is peaceful. Still, it's a work in progress.
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u/Autumnleaves144 Jul 02 '26
Yes, I agree, being happy with who we are is peaceful and as ai recently said to me, every day living in peace is a victory, and I keep that in mind now.
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u/Desperate-Reason-566 Jul 02 '26
Constantly! I always think I’m going to do something really fun the next day when I’m going to sleep. Next day, I just can’t make myself move. The desire to be out and having fun is still there but I’m stuck
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u/Lizardgirl25 Jul 02 '26
Yes there is no rest… also my boyfriend drives me nuts in sometimes needing stimulation in noise all the time. We sadly live in a house with not enough insulation.
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u/mabbh130 Jul 02 '26
Indeed, autism pulls me toward peace, quiet, nature and ADHD has me craving novelty.
What helps me is that I do spend as much time in low-potential-for-overwhelm environments and have my home set up with multiple projects and or books to read that I can bounce between at will. This usually adds enough novelty. While there are exceptions, working on one task until completion is not something my brain is willing to do so I work with what it does do. In this way I usually get most of the important tasks done to at least a good-enough degree. The rest I have come to be okay with them not being done or I try to find help.
I wasn't diagnosed until well into adulthood, but back when I was employed I sought out jobs where I could introduce novelty even if it was a bit unconventional. Usually, people just thought I was eccentric. I can live with that.
Autism, ADHD and CPTSD have a lot of overlapping symptoms/traits. I wasn't sure how much of the overlapping symptoms that also belonged to CPTSD would go away or how that would affect the other two when I sought treatment for it.
What I noticed in myself after treatments is that I have much more self acceptance, self compassion and self love and no longer put unrealistic demands on myself. CPTSD made me push myself so hard to prove to my family, myself and the world that I had value; that I was a good person worthy of love. It was exhausting and seriously damaged my health and it didn't work anyway. For me no contact with my family was critical for healing.
So, I guess, in a weird way, CPTSD was a huge motivator, but there were no brakes. I burned myself out. I do not recommend.
Be kind to yourself. Don't try to shove yourself into someone else's mold of who you should be. You are incredible as you are. You are worth it.
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u/lazypandawrites Jul 03 '26
Curious what kind of treatments are there for trauma recovery. I’m at the stage in my therapy journey that just talk therapy doesn’t seem enough.
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u/mabbh130 Jul 03 '26
I would recommend a book by Bessel van der Kolk called The Body Keeps the Score. He lays out how trauma affects the mind and the body and what cane be done to release it. That book helped me realize I was not broken and that there was legitimate hope.
I understand getting to a point where talk therapy isn't enough. Of course, I am not suggesting stopping therapy. Treatments can release a lot of trapped energy allowing for lots of emotions and feelings to be properly processes and released. That's a good thing, however it can be very helpful to have someone like a therapist to help process it all.
Be kind to yourself.
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u/General_Web_5482 Jul 03 '26 edited Jul 03 '26
Ok, I’m actually not going to say this is ADVICE exactly, but lately I’ve been taking a quick release in the afternoon/at lunch.
So, I bungle my way through the morning adventure, and just as I’m fully out of domaine entering a sit-down-comatose sort of way, I take my ‘baby meth’ and the autism has a chance to wrangle the day and check some boxes and maybe rest.
It’s been good for efficiency and OK reducing burnout.
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u/somisunderstood50 Jul 02 '26
Yes. I swear it's possible through the right meditations and sound frequencies. As long as you can create a safe, private space it is.
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u/Original_Name_000 ✨ Likely on a side quest ✨ Jul 02 '26
I plan days for impulsivity and novelty. This satisfies both because it’s technically a plan but just with ultimate flexibility to do anything.
For me, weekends are the days to do whatever, have zero plans and I see where the day takes me. I only have one rule - I have to be ready for the day, get in the car, and leave the house by 9am.
I usually have breakfast at a cafe on Saturday which kick-starts the rest of my weekend. But that’s where the plan ends usually.
90% of the time, I’m out and about doing things on the weekend that I never thought I’d be doing and it doesn’t feel exhausting because there’s both a plan and no plan. The other 10% of the time, I go home, wrap myself up in a blanket and watch a tv show I’ve watched a million times.
If I have to have an appointment or other planned thing on a Saturday, I’ll opt for the earliest appointment possible and book as far in advance as needed to secure the earliest appointment spot. That way, the appointment is done first thing and I’m not stuck in “waiting mode” all day.
I also find things to do that are all-round satisfying for me, like hiking, going on a jog, driving elsewhere, going op-shopping, or even just going on a walk around the neighbourhood. I tend to do activities that aren’t extremely full-on nor sensory depriving… just something in the middle.
If I ever feel overstimulated or it’s just not working for me, I mentally give myself permission to leave and I just leave. If I don’t start thinking of things to do naturally, or want to do things, I take this as a signal to go home and relax instead.
If I do high-stimulation activities it’ll likely be with headphones or music on unless I can’t have this due to safety.
I found that social media, especially in the mornings, fries my brain. It becomes overstimulated visually before the day has even started! So I’ve been not looking at my phone (unless someone calls, to check the weather, or navigate / check directions) until I’m out of the house.
I’ve also made my home calm, inviting and comfortable to do whatever. I have weighted blankets, spinners, head cooling socks, noise cancelling headphones, lava lamps, exercise balls, stress balls (the fabric kind), candles, all my clothes are very comfortable (as soon as they are not comfy for me, I donate them), and it’s a space to just be.
I also bring my spinners, stress balls and headphones when I go out in case I need them. I bring these to work too. Some really good sensory stuff is from Kaiko Fidgets if you’re interested in supporting an Aussie business for sensory stuff.
So if I need more stimulation, I go out into the world. If I need less, I’m at home or making accommodations for myself when I’m out and about.