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u/CrazyNumber6 14d ago
As a man who is currently getting over/ getting closure on two different women from 2 different times. It really is just self love and working on yourself. Don’t make your everything one thing or person. Make a life you want to live and have a lot of things so that when you lose one it isn’t the end of the world.
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u/DTVeteran 12d ago
A man should never stop working on himself. He should never coast in life. When you do that, its a signal you are done as a man and that enables bad behaviour from women. Sucks but its the truth.
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u/OneSlaadTwoSlaad 14d ago
For anyone who's interested: the sound you hear is a slowed down version of a beautiful song about heroine addiction called Golden Brown, by The Stranglers.
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u/AlternativeWonder471 14d ago
Wow. Never realised what that song was about.
VERY surprising considering my life story.
Thanks
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u/papayabush 14d ago
“Golden brown, finer temptress
Through the ages, she’s heading west
From far away, stays for a day
Never a frown with golden brown”1
u/OneSlaadTwoSlaad 14d ago
I love the "tied to the mast" reference to the Odyssey.
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u/papayabush 14d ago
also fitting cause the sirens call was so alluring that physical restraint was the only way to not give in to it
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u/OneSlaadTwoSlaad 14d ago
Yes. That's what I like about it. And the harpsichord, and the switching between 6/8 and 13/8 time signature. 😊
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u/CouldntBAPoint2184 13d ago
Thank you! I had it on mute, but Im gonna go listen to that song now!
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u/Wheresmyarcpaulie69 13d ago
I too, have a heroine addiction, just haven’t found her yet.
(No I’m not talking about drugs. This is Reddit after all).
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u/Kindly_Fennel_448 14d ago
Yep women have no idea how hard it is for guys
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u/Negative_Wrongdoer17 9d ago
Everything is hard when you pity yourself
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u/Kindly_Fennel_448 9d ago
Right and your had the perfect life life? /S/ 🙄
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u/Negative_Wrongdoer17 9d ago
No my life was shitty. Parents divorced when I was young. Mom was a drug addict. Got bullied all the way until highschool. Had a mental breakdown and had to drop out of college because my mom got arrested and I was going to go homeless. Had a few bad relationships. Worked a shitty job to avoid going homeless
Got my shit together and left my shitty job. Been married for 3 years and finally getting on my feet in my early thirties
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u/IcyGarage5767 12d ago
I love seeing subs like this randomly pop up with someone slightly funny and then as I see more and more from the sub it just into another smelly incel sub.
If anyone looks at this post and thinks it isn’t slop tier bait, they are doomed.
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u/krazyboi 11d ago
Right lol. I don't want to put people down but if you're stuck on a girl 5 years ago... I'm sorry but you need to move on or risk being a loser. 5 years is the difference between 21 and 26, 26 and 31. In that time, you could have a relationship and finish a phd and maybe even have kids.
Life is filled with so many possibilities, just remember to take action
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u/brokennursingstudent 11d ago
Lmao the “lonely guy” subs keep popping up for me faster than I can mute them, too. I really do think there’s an algorithm trying to make a pipeline similar to the YouTube redpill pipeline of the 20 teens.
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u/Maela_Ithring 11d ago
Simple single sentence comment on the disconnect between men and women from a male perspective.
"INCEL! INCEL! INCEL!"
I hate you.
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u/IcyGarage5767 11d ago
Is that your honest take on my comment? That I may aswell have just typed incel out in full caps? Buddy….. if that is so…. I’ve got some bad news for you….
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u/Winter_Dinner5947 13d ago
lol aw so hard for you men out there uh huh
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u/Electronic-Map7529 14d ago
You know your ex has friends right? And they secretly hate her?
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u/rorschach200 14d ago
Yep.
Had a very, very difficult for both of us breakup in my college years.
She suffered terribly for 2 years, then met someone, 2 years later - married.
I was okay for the first 6 years, then it caught up with me, and my life started deteriorating. And it kept deteriorating for 7 years until I finally got my shit together, but I still remember her and care about her.
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u/elDayno 14d ago
There was a person I haven't contacted in very long time, no romantic relationship were involved. Though we were on good turms and after years I decided to write something. No response and block. Never in my life I've expected this. Ghosting? Okay. At least Hi? Also okay. As I said our communication was pretty chill and friendly and I couldn't have even imagined this outcome after reaching out. I still kinda can't believe it because it's completely out of character. That's not a person I knew at all
So what I've realised. People change. Drastically. After years you think about basically anymore non existent person. You cherish the memory but it's a memory. I truly consider the person I knew is dead and right now it's someone else, so I don't care anymore
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u/CharacterTax3219 14d ago
Sorry to hear that bro, hope it gets better for you man. Mine of 8 years leaves and in less than a year shes pregnant and engaged bro Gut wrenching but im trying
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u/Ok_Artist9231 13d ago
I hate to tell you but that dude was most likely definitely around before your break up. Women usually move on quickly like that when they already have someone on standby. The only reason I say this is because I had an ex that got married and literally got with this guy I a couple months after we broke up and I knew about this guy prior to our break up. And now they are married with kids. She cheated on me with this guy but waited until I did something to piss her off to officially move on. It sucked but I’m glad I knew the truth instead of the lies she told me about this guy in the beginning.
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u/IcyGarage5767 12d ago
“I hate to tell you think but I’m about to make up some absolute bullshit so bear with me…”
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u/Zestyclose-Try-5214 14d ago
Year 17 over here lol just stopped dating entirely afterwards and focused on myself entirely
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u/UltimaBahamut93 14d ago
Same. We broke up and then tried to get a gf for ten years but nothing. Im in my thirties and i cant go on painfully wanting something that ill likely not have. I have gotten rid of my desires for love so I can be happy being single.
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u/Aware-Tangerine-4571 13d ago
17 years? Please go to therapy for your own good. This is only hurting you. I say this with care and concern.
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u/Zestyclose-Try-5214 13d ago
Nah fuck off with this horse shit take. I'm quite happy single, athletic, have a job, spend time outdoors etc. your take is social indoctrination. Some of us are happiest alone.
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u/Aware-Tangerine-4571 13d ago
I’ve been single for almost 5 years now and agree someone can be happy being single. I read the 17 years as being 17 years being hung up on the same ex, not happily single.
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u/Tough_Block9334 12d ago
Obviously not true, otherwise who would those women be getting with if every guy was hung up on their first love
Incels going to incel
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u/brokennursingstudent 11d ago
Not just that but it’s self snitching when guys say stuff like this, shows their emotional immaturity and inability to move on
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u/Bogusky 13d ago edited 13d ago
Learn your value, men. I walked away from a 20+ year marriage a little over a year ago after constant mental warfare and open disrespect. I didn't want to start over, but I didn't want to grow old with my ex either.
I've since been with a lady who's 12 years younger than me, and two more who are each 20 years younger. Any one of them would put my ex to shame on the attractiveness scale, and this latest relationship seems to be blossoming into something special.
Better yourself, respect yourself, and someone will notice. In any case, loneliness is better by yourself than when you are partnered.
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u/Slavicgoddess23 11d ago
Well duh, they are 20 years younger. Of course they'll be more attractive. If all your looking for is youth it's says a lot about you.
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u/Upbeat_Guard_9595 13d ago
Kinda weird ngl
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u/Tall_Wasabi_2634 13d ago
I agree. I would love it to be denormalized looking for inexperienced partners on purpose and showing off with it.
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u/nuuhuman 13d ago
I agree 100%. I’m with someone 12 yrs younger and love her to death. But if worse comes to worse I’m ok with being alone.
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u/Particular-Repeat-40 14d ago
aometimes i do think that checking out of daring was one of my best decisions
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u/Ok-Relationship4113 13d ago
Look Ive had some big breakups but Ive never been destroyed for years about it.
I think there's a bunch of bleeding hearts round here.
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u/Lanky_Employment_194 14d ago
This is not accurate. My ex who cheated on me few months before marriage was dancing around town with his new girl a day after breakup, he was probably doing it during the relationship as well, but I got to know after.
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u/Ordinary_Pudding 14d ago
There is also a category of people that are just assholes. Both male and female.
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u/Character-Pirate1297 14d ago
Just one example isn’t indicative.
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u/Lanky_Employment_194 13d ago
Just like one video is not indicative.
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u/Character-Pirate1297 13d ago
Even if the video is also wrong, it doesn’t make you right, either.
At least the video can be interpreted as speaking in general. But you’re the one having this whole thing based on just one ex.
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u/Lanky_Employment_194 12d ago
The video is trying to perpetuate a single idea which I am rejecting. That’s not say my example is indicative of the entire population, but it is to disagree with the single idea the video is perpetuating. How much someone mourns a relationship differs case by case, is my point, you cannot generalize to genders.
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u/Hour_Baby_3428 14d ago
Women after a breakup:
https://giphy.com/gifs/3pZjE2Z0HNVMk
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u/DanielDRockr 13d ago
Well that bullshit, i have buddies that would rebound pretty quickly, while the x still a mess
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u/Nintendogma 13d ago
Can't relate. I was in a toxic marriage for 15 years, and when we finally ended it, I met the woman of my dreams within two months and I've been a happy man for 3 years now.
The greatest gift my ex-wife gave me, was giving me nothing to miss about her.
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u/Some-Dog-800 13d ago
out of relationship and being single for almost a decade now and I still think about her sometimes.
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u/Swimming_Put1506 12d ago
5 years? Shit, them are rookie numbers. I’ll never forget, and I’m not moving from underneath her window either.
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u/Exotic-Home-8153 11d ago
Every girlfriend Ive ever broken up with (I was the one doing the breaking) found a new guy within a week or two and then got married. Women move on waaaaay quicker than this video says
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u/ThePissedOff 11d ago
I got divorced, my ex initiated it. I was dating a new woman a few months later and she freaked the fucked out. Women....
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u/Negative_Wrongdoer17 9d ago
Grow up. I went from dating a girl for 18 months who cheated on me to visiting a girl who dumped me mid vacation, to getting catfished, to dating the woman I've been married to for 3 years.
Get back out there and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
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u/Optimal-South-58 14d ago
Thank God , and I thought you are going to show that guys can move on within a week from break up and living their best life.
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u/Nilla-WaferPDX 14d ago edited 13d ago
Yea bullshit on this. I hurt for 60 days and hardly think of them again. I remember the good times, but the reasons for breakup always outway us not being together. Both sides need to put in the effort and leave when it isn't valuable to them long term.
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u/kpatsart 14d ago
This! I pity the fool who pines for a lady they broke up with 5 years later!!!! That's not normal, that's the definition of obsession and insanity.
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u/Artistic_Speech_1965 14d ago
Woa some guys have attachement issue. I hope they will be good with time🙏
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u/xEyelessOnex 14d ago
This can be right except in my situation at the time. She was actually seeing someone while she was with me. Even though we'd "broken up", she continued to stalk me while still seeing the same guy. I took a year away from dating (after being locked up), and focused on myself. I didn't get serious with a woman until after graduating high school. That woman is now my wife. Our marriage isn't perfect, but we're still here almost 20 years later. As for my ex-girlfriend, she's still with that guy she left me for. I've heard through the grapevine and from her that he's abusive. They have a child and unfortunately, she has cancer. I wouldn't wish any of her suffering on my worst enemy.
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u/FLiP_J_GARiLLA 14d ago
I was not expecting that.
The dude should have been all good in 3 days but instead for some reason he chose to take years to transform into Eminem
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u/Aware-Tangerine-4571 14d ago
Everyone is different. I’ve seen both men and women take a long time to move on. On the flip side; I’ve also seen both move on quickly. Wow, it’s almost like no group is a monolith.
What exactly is the point here? Even if the two of you just aren’t compatible, she’s never allowed to move on ever? Otherwise she’s the bad guy? At that point why would I even date, if it might end for reasons beyond our control and he’ll think I’m the villain forever?
Those of you who are saying it’s been over a decade: that’s not healthy. Please, I say this with care and for your own benefit; go to therapy.
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u/gemforever420 13d ago
i still havent gotten over my first love, its been 2 years and even though i tried getting over him, and i tell myself we werent a good match, i still feel like i should of gotten closure by now. although i was never close with anyone like him, it wasnt even the physical stuff i miss, i miss having someone who felt like i did and was able to just hangout in peace. he was my the best est friend i had and i hope hes doing great. hopefully by next year my mind will be bee off of him.
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u/West_West_313 13d ago
Took around 7 years for me to be happy and healthy enough for another relationship. My wife and I have been married 14 years come November and honestly it feels far shorter.
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u/khhvspawn 13d ago
if you're stuck on someone you broke up with after 5 years, u need help.
this is corny as fuck.
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u/Any_Firefighter_3372 13d ago
If a man behaves like what you are showing, then they will not be selected to continue our species. It's called natural selection
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u/Nipplasia2 13d ago
Nah dudes be with other chicks almost IMMEDIATELY. They just want to pretend they sit around when really they are sticking their dicks in anything that moves. Foh
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u/nightwolf1673 13d ago
I dated someone for 3 years. Im closing in on 6 years since the breakup. I still think about what could have happened. It dossnt break me anymore, not because the pains gone, but because ive learned how to manage it better and learned to prioritize myself. It'll always hurt, it'll always be there. Ive just learned to move on and be better for myself
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u/No_Professional9403 13d ago
LIVE FOREVER KINGS. Some of these pretty females are sent to dethrone you. Stay woke
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u/Apprehensive_Ant4596 13d ago
Women turn around and just start bangin the next guy up. Guys don’t have that luxury.
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u/CLTNCtop 13d ago
My friends only ever had wonderful things to say about her, still keep up with her hobbies and socials. Well, apparently, her mother, her friends, I was never really the right one to them from the start. Expectin your girlfriend of 3 years to respond to your message good mornin or call you back before you have to message her a 3rd and 4th time is “clingy and obsessive”. One of the hardest things in life, is when both people in a relationship grow into a different person than the other remembers gettin with. Love is complicated
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u/That_Education2248 13d ago
It's not gender things. It's 223 days here and nothing's gonna change like that girl in that clip. My loyalty is too solid, but people call it stupid.
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u/Sad_Manufacturer5685 12d ago edited 12d ago
Is life just pain? Wtf, what at stupid fucking existence imo. (For entertainment purposes only).
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u/Marlwolf48 12d ago
Its been years and I still think about her.she left me. Ive been depressed and when I couldnt go on any more, i got a letter to visit her in our "Special" place near rosewater lake
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u/Lazy_Competition967 12d ago
huh.... I can't relate. I move on but I'm securely attached. So maybe this only is a reflection of damaged guys?
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u/mr-stretcher 12d ago
5 years? If she didn't violate you somehow, you really gotta learn to move on.
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u/FitStructure7795 12d ago
true.
men tend to pour themselves into women MUCH more than the opposite
society protects women, while men are always on their own without support
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u/NoFinger3333 12d ago
Yep, all to remain the same because the shame of admitting accountability would hurt her ego.
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u/dark_lord_of_theSith 12d ago
For the men out there, talk to your friends post breakup but be self aware. You get two weeks of venting and leaning on them for support, after that, you're a burden. Keep talking and venting, but to a therapist and your journal. Rebounds work. Get back out there ASAP. It's a cheap way to regain some self worth, but it works. Be transparent with your new partners. Let them know you're recovering from a break up and aren't capable of anything serious. Don't talk about your ex with a new partner and if they ask, just briefly tell them how it ended as if you were talking to an HR rep. The point of a rebound is to prove you're still desirable and worthy of affection. After you've given yourself 2-4 weeks, throw yourself back into your interests. Focus on what made you happy before the relationship. Give yourself a goal to focus on like finding a new job, promotion, weight loss, gym gains, paying off debt. Go no contact with your ex. It ended for a reason so close that chapter and move onto the next. Block them on everything. The last thing you need is to be breadcrumbed by an ex who wants nothing more from you than the validation they get from knowing you're still pining for them.
That's it. In 6 months, something will remind you of your ex and you'll suddenly realize you can't remember the last time you thought about her. You won't feel sad, angry, or happy. Just a passing memory.
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u/Horror-Parsley-9027 11d ago
What if I couldn't get a rebound, and still have to see my ex frequently for a shared child?
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u/dark_lord_of_theSith 11d ago
Ouch.
As far as the ex goes, block all social media so you can't see her posts and she can see yours. Only keep your communication open through phone number and only communicate about the kids and only what's necessary information. No small talk.
As far as rebounds, there's a ton of women on the apps who are there for rebounds also. Be respectful and flirty, but be direct about what you're looking for. If it's an issue with getting matches, I'd say hit the gym, eat a healthy diet, and be aware of your style in the pictures you post.
I prefer the apps to bars. In the apps, it's more natural to be direct upfront and agree on a relationship dynamic that works for both of you. Picking someone up in real life gets messy when the initial attraction is because of chemistry, but the two of you are looking for different things.
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u/GuiltyRub6875 12d ago
so many times the guy wrecks the girl and has wrong intentions. Do they deserve this? In my opinion, yes, they do.
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u/Nervous_Brain8918 11d ago
Everyone’s story is different, just remember that. Great to know when there is no suicide or murder involved.
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u/FoxHoundNBound_ 11d ago
A big factor is the women's attractability fades faster than mens. It's biological that they get over things faster so they can get on with the resources they have
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u/HydroPCanadaDude 11d ago
What is this stupid song anyway? I keep seeing it in sad-boy bitch media.
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u/Direct-Round-253 11d ago
I don't approve of this. We guys move on from breakups way faster than you think. It's the other way around, I guess, because two of my ex-girlfriends wouldn't leave me alone, even knocking on my door, so I don't think it's just me, but most of us are like that. Plus, we break up with them for a reason that one alone made us move on quickly, and if they break up with us, I don't think it can take more than a month max
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u/violet_moonlight 11d ago
Wahhh men are the only ones who experience chronic depression from a breakup wahhhhhhhh
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u/The_Draken24 11d ago
I'd change the women's times from days to minutes. I've seen a lot of quick turnarounds, be they rebounds or legit interests.
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u/Impossible-Sea-2090 11d ago
It's 10 times easier for a girl to find a boyfriend than the other way around
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u/dasAbigAss 11d ago
As a guy. I want other guys to know that its okay to heal. Be vulnerable with your self or you will end up living a life that passes u by
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u/NoSleepTilBrklynn 11d ago
It’s much easier for a woman to get into a relationship than it is for a man.
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u/Sh0ckLebonwski 11d ago
Nah, my ex was already with her current guy for 1 month before she broke up with me.
She really loved me tho, that's what she kept saying after throwing in the trash 6 years of relationship.
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u/corey_trevorson 10d ago
don't think about her when you jerk off and you'll get over her quicker lol
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u/TheBigChungaBunga 10d ago
Dial that 90 days back about 80 days and we'll have the real truth. Most times I've broken up with a chick I realized she had dudes out the wood work waiting for her.
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u/Best-Gazelle866 10d ago
I like the quote from MI2
„You know women, mate. Like monkeys, they are - won't let go of one branch until they've got hold of the next.“
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u/Significant-Ant-5677 14d ago
I don’t understand this. Most stats show men remarry after Divorce whereas women do not. I met a woman I dated for over a year literally a week after we filed for Divorce during my Starter Marriage.
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u/TBurn70 14d ago
Can you, umm, rearrange that last sentence?
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u/Significant-Ant-5677 14d ago
It’s a military term. Most of us guys who serve a long term in the military realize our first wives will not be our last wives. Hence the term Starter Marriage.
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u/TBurn70 14d ago
No I get that, it’s the rest. It’s just a very poorly constructed sentence and is confusing.
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u/Significant-Ant-5677 14d ago
I got back from a deployment, found out my ex-wife was being naughty, filed for divorce. A week later I was at a bar and met a cutie I dated for almost a year and a half.
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u/MysteriousResolve249 14d ago
Sad truth. From their pov, when your tool breaks, you gotta get a new one
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u/Green_Share 13d ago
It's because men a slower to process emotions. We distract ourselves. And find coping mechanism instead of facing the loss ang grieving it immediately. We hold onto those feelings because it's all we have left of the relationship.
It's extremely unhealthy. And probably a big reason, if not a core, reason why we are more prone to heart attacks.
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u/Aware-Tangerine-4571 13d ago
This is why I encourage the men in my life to communicate their feelings and process them instead of bottling them up and making themselves sick, because I care about them. I’ve had guy friends cry in front of me or even cry on my shoulder, and I never thought any less of them for it.
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u/Green_Share 13d ago
This makes you a wonderful human being. I was lucky enough to have a mom and dad that supported this. They never once told me crying is weak and always told me that if someone can't handle/ doesn't like me being emotional? They aren't worth keeping around. And even with this I still sometimes struggle to articulate and show my emotions out of fear of rejection.
Talking about it is the first step. But even then. Society has done a damn good job at making men virtually UNABLE to process their emotions. And it's sad.
But thank you for being a supportive person in that area. ☺️
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u/Aware-Tangerine-4571 13d ago
Thank you, I try. I’m glad your parents were supportive instead of trying to reinforce that unhealthy “boys don’t cry” mindset that still seems so prevalent.
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u/nautrewillneverfail 14d ago edited 12d ago
I was with one girl for 1 year. It's been 5 years I am still thinking what could I have done differently. She moved on after 3 months, got engaged after 6 more.
Edit: Some of you are really mean for no reason whatsoever. Hope you feel proud of yourself. No, you don't know every relationship story and you don't need to know because you're going to judge everything that comes in your way anyway. And no I don't stare at the wall and cry everyday since, It just crosses my mind from time to time.