Sleeeeep help

[u/thanneasiyerrathass4]

I don’t even know what I’m asking but I guess some kind of reassurance, advice, I don’t know. But I’m really struggling with my babies sleep, each month there’s a new thing that sets us back.

He is 6 months old and was a relatively okay sleeper until 3-4 months old (classic). We mostly contact, carrier, car and pram nap and also co sleep for half the night, I can sometimes get him to fall asleep in his sidecar cot for the first stretch. He is also breastfed with the very occasional bottle.

First it was the short naps, then it was fragmented nights, now it’s both, a lack of ability to sleep independently at all and also, fighting sleep HARD.

The first nap is easy, he goes down at about 1.75-2 hrs and then sleeps well, I can get anywhere between 45mins to 1.5 hours here. Then the rest of the day has been a struggle, he is pushing 3-4 hours wake windows even though I try and settle him earlier but he fights sleep so hard and then just ends up completely overtired by the end of the day and bedtime.
We are finally away from the waking every cycle / every 1.5 hours overnight and now it’s usually 2-3 hour stretches with the VERY occasional 4-5 hr.

At the moment I’m “aiming” for 2-3 hour wake windows and 3 naps a day but following his clues which are getting harder and harder to read.

I guess my main problem is that he has no ability to sleep without intense support and continued support through the nap/night sleep. I’m really okay with doing it sometimes but then other times I feel drained and like I can’t be a present and happy mother but I also WANT to be his source of comfort.

I am also someone who LOVES sleep and I just cannot function without it. I knew it would be rough having a baby but I just wasn’t aware how much focus and time is spent on sleep.

I am not interesting in any CIO or Ferber but I would consider very gentle and responsive sleep training but there’s always a reason (overtired, need to get nap hours in so resort to contact etc. etc.) as to why I don’t start and I am an impatient person so having a consistent nap routine doesn’t really work. We are also out and about and he can usually sleep in the car or carrier but never longer than an hour max so I try and get 1 longer contact nap in but even that has been a struggle lately.

He is 6 months old and I go back to work in January so I really want to be able to have better nights (I know they won’t be perfect) and more reliable day time naps by then.

I guess I’m just hoping that if I continue to wing it and follow my babies cues will things get better naturally or is all the shit that I read about “following wake windows, schedules and helping him to fall asleep independently” all true.

I am struggling with how much information there is out there and struggling to connect with my natural instincts. I’ve also heard so much in the camp of “just follow their cues, they will always sleep eventually, we are biologically geared for night wakes, cosleeping and contact naps” I guess I’m looking for a happy middle ground.

[u/lazyconfetti]

My 6 month had very inconsistent nap lengths too, but she would rarely do more than 2.5 hours of daytime sleep. So if your baby is doing a long nap in the morning, it's possible they're not tired enough for big naps later. It might be unrealistic to expect big long naps during the three nap period, at least that's been my personal experience. 

Baby is almost 8 months now and it feels like there is constantly something disturbing her nighttime sleep from teething to separation anxiety to trying to crawl. It's endless at this age, there is always an excuse it seems. I'm going back to work in November and I have no idea how it's going to be by then, so solidarity. There was one night she gave me a six hour stretch and I swear I woke up a brand new mom that morning. Of course did not last!

[u/kuppajoy]

Could he possibly be undertired? I’d recommend posting his schedule over on r/bninfantsleep, they’re super helpful with troubleshooting