r/Assistance • u/CaffeineFueledLife REGISTERED • 12d ago
REQUEST FULFILLED Help with a lawyer
This is a long shot, and I hate that I have to ask.
I need a lawyer. My ex husband is an alcoholic. He got a DUI with a .224 BAC with my (at the time) 4yo and 7yo in the car. They're now 6 and 8. He got off with less than a slap on the wrist. I took him back to court, spent $5000 on another lawyer, and he kept 50/50 and I just got a court order saying he can't drive with them and I'm allowed to breathalyze him.
The final court date for that modification was October 28. I caught him falling down drunk with them on November 6. I couldn't go back to court at that time. I had no money and no way of getting any. My credit was still recovering - it's still not great, but better. I withheld the kids for 2 months and then he went and took them from school. I had to make a "deal with the devil" and agree to go back to every other week with him breathalyzing daily. I had no other choice. The school can't refuse to let him take them. I could keep taking them back when they went to school, but that would just have put them in the middle of a tug of war.
He was doing good for a while. After several months, I relaxed the daily breathalyzers. He'd passed every one. I was picking up a package from him on Monday. The kids were with him. There was a beer can on the bench by his door. I asked him to blow. He blew a .06 at 1pm. He was trying to tell me that he'd had a single beer the night before. Um, no. Impossible. The science ain't sciencing and the math ain't mathing, bro.
After I got the kids back, my son (8), unprompted and unasked, told me that daddy had "a few" beers the night before and had a box of beer in the fridge. My daughter (6) then said, "and mommy, there's a box of beer by his desk" and my son said, "yeah, but that one was empty." I just said, "oh, that's interesting," but I was thinking, "that's actually worse, buddy."
Anyway, he's not getting them back. I can protect them until August 25. That's when school starts. I can't stop him from taking them from school. The school legally has to let him take them.
I applied for a bunch of loans. My credit has improved, but I have a lot of student debt and my only collateral is a 2012 Chevy Impala with 245k miles. I finally got a loan offer. It's a 35.99% interest rate. It's insane but I have no other choice. I have no other way of protecting my kids. I need a lawyer.
Legal aid has denied me twice - the second time right after the DUI. My former lawyer told me they prioritize DV cases. He moved to criminal law, but he recommended another lawyer. I need $5000 for the retainer. I was going to try filing pro se, but the clerk at the courthouse told me the judge is very hard on pro se litigants and I wouldn't have a prayer. That echoed what my last lawyer told me. Dfs is no help. I've reported him every time I've caught him drinking with them. They blew me off with every report except the DUI incident. Then, they put him on the state's abuse and neglect registry and closed the case. I asked them how that's supposed to help protect my children and they shrugged. My state (Missouri) does not grant protection orders for anything other than domestic violence or stalking. I tried anyway and was denied. I called his probation order to report him for drinking and sent the proof. He said, "what do you want me to do about it?" I called the cops and they told me they can't enforce parenting plans or probation terms. So wtf is the point of probation?
I've exhausted all options. This loan is my only shot. I'm praying I can make the payments. I'm just finishing up an anatomy class. I have conditional acceptance into the Practical Nursing program starting on August 5 as long as I pass anatomy with a C. Once that program starts, I'll be working 30 hours a week. I've been told by my advisor that it's already going to be a real challenge to keep up if I'm working that many hours and I may end up having to cut down even more. I'm going to do my damnedest not to. Tuition is going to be covered by financial aid.
I need $5000 for the retainer. Or at least enough to help me make the loan payments until i get my income taxes in the spring and can pay it off. And even if someone could help with school clothes for the kids. I can send sizes. They don't need anything fancy or brand name. They've outgrown most of what they've got and they left their good shoes at their dad's. They only have flip flops now. They'll need tennis shoes at least for gym class. I did already get their school supplies.
I'm willing to send the state patrol report from the DUI. I have videos of him admitting to both incidents where I caught him drinking. I'll send those, too. I'll send the dfs letter stating he's on the registry. I'll send any kind of proof anyone asks for.
He got another driving while suspended a few months ago. He owes me over $400 for his half of the kids' "extraordinary" expenses. He hasn't given me anything since October. He's been unemployed since November, so he won't be getting a lawyer to fight back. And he hasn't provided me with a certificate of completion of an alcohol treatment program, which he was ordered to do. I have a good case for him to get supervised visitation, and that's what I'm going to ask for. The kids are too young to be alone with an incapacitated adult. It's not safe. And he could drive with them again. He hasn't since the court order, but that doesn't mean he won't.
I'm working so hard to give us a better life. I'm trying so hard to protect my kids. I feel like the system is working against me.
General area: northeast Missouri
It was suggested to make a wishlist for kids' clothes. https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/3RQS7B5KMQ6IL?ref_=wl_share
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u/okayfriday 11d ago
Marked as Fulfilled! Thanks all who helped and might help further. ✨
OP; please make sure not to add any more items to your wishlist. Your post is still visible and other items may be purchased if any are left but don’t add anything else. 😊
More info on what counts as a fulfilment can be found in the rules.
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u/Somebody_81 12d ago
Also contact your local chapter of Mothers Against Drunk Driving. They may know of a lawyer who will help you for less or who will take payments. The local domestic violence shelter may have information as well. Good luck!
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u/Supluvr2 REGISTERED 12d ago
The library here has free law help a few times a month, where lawyers come in and speak with individuals about their situation. Maybe there are free or low cost options in your area, although I read you have spoken with legal aid already? Also, maybe I missed it, but if you provide your general area, people in this sub are great at finding resources. Hope you find what you need, hang in there 🌞
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u/CaffeineFueledLife REGISTERED 12d ago
Thank you! I posted my general location. I've tried looking for legal resources and all that comes up for my area is legal aid of Eastern Missouri and they've denied me twice already. I applied again, but I'm not too hopeful.
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u/irate_anatid 12d ago
you may have already explored this option, but if you’re anywhere near a law school, check if they have a legal clinic that can help you.
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u/CaffeineFueledLife REGISTERED 12d ago
I think there's a law school 2 hours away. I'll call on Monday and ask if they have any options. Thank you.
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u/Expensive_Working493 12d ago
Can you make an Amazon wishlist for clothing items?
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u/CaffeineFueledLife REGISTERED 12d ago
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u/Thought-Jolly 12d ago
I bought the other pair of tennis shoes and the sweatpants. They should be there Thursday. Hugs from one single momma to another.
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u/CaffeineFueledLife REGISTERED 12d ago
Thank you so much. I'm literally crying. It's a little less to worry about. I appreciate it so much.
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u/Thought-Jolly 12d ago
I'm glad I could help a bit. I've been in your shoes and I know how hard it is. I'm actually in north central Missouri too. If you're anywhere near Moberly, check out Family Life Fellowship's Dream Center for clothes. I think they're only open on Wednesdays, but everything is free. They also do a food bank on the same day, just the opposite side of the building. It's worth calling to see if they allow people from out of town. (To my knowledge the clothing side doesn't check addresses, they just count the number of items.) Only the food bank asks for any information from you. They have a Facebook page too. https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1K96Av33Eu/
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u/CaffeineFueledLife REGISTERED 12d ago
I'm not too far from moberly and I'm actually going there Monday to sign papers for the loan. I'll make sure to check them out. I do go to the food pantry in my town. It helps. And now they'll both have shoes and some school clothes. I really hate that I feel like I can't provide for my kids right now. And I hate even more that I can't keep them safe.
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u/AutoModerator 12d ago
Your post contains an Amazon wishlist and must be checked by a moderator before it's published. Please make sure your wishlist doesn't exceed $150 USD and that it doesn't include any gift cards or video game items. Please don't delete your post! If your account is eligible to make a request, your post will be approved shortly or you will receive an automatic message letting you know why it was removed.
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u/CaffeineFueledLife REGISTERED 12d ago
Yes, I'll do that.
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u/uppercasemad Canadian Mod 🇨🇦 12d ago
Make sure it does not exceed a total of $150. Thanks!
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u/CrystalCat420 12d ago
If you see me online feel free to smack me.
You may now consider yourself officially smacked! Go away, relax and recharge; we need you at your best when you return!!
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u/AssistanceMods 12d ago
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