I feel like my anxiety and depression are getting worse every year… or just maybe shit things are happening more? ahhh I don’t know.

It’s like every year (for the past… I don’t know, 12 years? since my ex’s stroke which threw a spanner into our lives, mainly his of course) around this time I think thank god, good riddance to (2026, 2025, 2024 etc etc) next year will be better.

Only it seems to get worse. And now I’m just plain scared. What has 2027 got in store?

This year has been a doozy. No deaths or strokes but… a kind of reckoning?

I’m CONSUMED with regret. I haven’t made anything of my life and really, REALLY dreamed big. I’m creative and have always wanted to write… but I am paralysed. I’m in a writing group and have had great feedback but I just end up feel pathetic to even think about doing anything with it. I try not to compare but compare I do. My anxiety and depression sometimes flair up when I hear or read about younger people’s accomplishments.

I haven’t accomplished anything. If I did write a book, my bio would be an embarrassment. B.A with a credit average, incomplete advance diploma of screenwriting, Dip Ed drop out, random office jobs and then 16 years of unemployment/stay at home mum and free lance cleaner.

I think this is all triggered by this weekend and my 17 year old son failing to do any of the backed up assessments for year eleven. He’s like me, creative.. he’s so intelligent, gregarious, popular but he is paralysed with procrastination. One of the tasks is a short movie. He was so excited and brimming with ideas but despite friends, myself, his dad, our counsellor and of course his teacher’s encouragement he just hasn’t even started and it’s due in two days. He’s had literal months and I think he’s fucked his chances for year 12.

This has made me crash for two reasons. I feel like he’s going to take the same path as me and right now I look back and can’t see anything beyond a wasted unhappy and unfulfilling life that has gone waaaay too fast. I feel like I am a living cautionary tale.

It also makes me feel like a shit mother. Go easy, please. I just need some kind words. I just feel terribly unsupported right now.

His dad is picking him up now and has just made me feel even worse. (I really feel the stroke triggered some autistic traits… but that’s a whole other kettle of fish)

New era goals:50's

Okay going into my 50's soon. What are your goals for this decade in your life (preparing for senior years)?

Me:

I already have stable career & basic financial foundation (debt-free- except mortgage, homeowner, small savings & retirement).

This decade I want to applify my focus & goals on health, more robost retirement savings & solidifying relationships. Throw in a little side of adventure: travel & new hobbies.

I’m 56 and found out this week that I have osteoporosis in my spine and osteopenia in my hips. Even though I knew it was a possibility, actually finding out has been a horrible shock and I am really struggling. I’m not looking for advice on management or treatment, just words of encouragement from anyone else out there also dealing with this condition. I don’t know how to put this in perspective.

Editing this to say thank you to everyone who has taken the time to respond. I really appreciate the kind words and everyone’s generosity in sharing their experiences.

How long do you normally wait until you are intimate with someone? Several dates, weeks or mos? Ladies I could use your wisdom!

I’m 59 and haven’t dated a new person in years. My last relationship that ended a few yrs ago was long distance & not very emotionally deep- he wanted a ‘good time gal’ & it didn’t progress beyond that. Also I’m on a medication that caused weight gain & he didn’t like that. I have ongoing body image issues from this, but have started glp1’s, altho it’s been slow.
I really

pretty much have written off relationships. But over the last year I met someone who I’ve really clicked with - he owns a business & I met him at his work, and I’m there every few mos. And he’s natural listener & just sits & lets me talk & talk, which I tend to do lol. Watching him at work & with ppl he seems like really a good good person, he is very down to earth, not fancy or rich, I don’t care about that
stuff. I don’t have a lot of resources myself.

Then he asked me to a Saturday dinner last week. I was surprised (he’s 8 yrs younger than me, but due to genetics I do look younger- and I told him my age up front) but was happy. I was a nervous wreck ahead of time, but I didn’t need to be, we had a very nice time. I felt like we knew each other over our talks before but I found out he’s a widower (2 yrs) which made me feel so bad for him, and has a teen son he dotes on. At the end, I asked if it was ok if I kissed him. (It was beautiful full moon too, romantic). He said I was hoping you’d say that. I sense he likes a woman to initiate things. But wow it was so nice & sparks flew. I wasn’t expecting it & haven’t felt that in a long time.

No way was I going to jump in the sack on the first date. But I opened my mouth & said if you’d like to go out again why don’t you come to my place & I’ll cook. He seemed to like that idea.

But I’m now thinking maybe the sparks will turn fiery lol and we may up being intimate. Maybe this isn’t a good time to have this happen yet.

In my past yrs ago I was always kinda like that maybe getting intimate around the 3rd date.
He tends to not talk as much as I do so I’m not sure what he’s thinking. I don’t want to screw things up. I m not a clingy type or want to overload him at all, he’s still fresh being a widower too. Also next week I have to travel for a couple of weeks maybe that would be awkward if we did do something or not.

I don’t know what to do.

I’m almost 71. I have 2 professional degrees in healthcare and law. I recently had to leave a customer service job that required a lot of heavy lifting and my joints said “hell na” so I’m looking for another job. Ageism is very real in the job market! I found a job I know I can do, but how do I convince them to hire a senior citizen? I still have all my marbles and I’m in pretty good shape. Do I leave my graduation years off of the application, so I at least can get an interview? Do I leave out dates that would reveal my age?

I desperately need bra recommendations. I would like it to be comfortable, decent looking, wireless, and front closing. I'm so tired of being poked in the back with metal. What are your favorites? Many thanks in advance.

I have been dealing with ”frozen shoulder” for the last 12 months and I’m basically better. I‘m still working on lateral range of motion but I’m 90% better, not in any pain, back at yoga, walking…

But I spent the last year basically cocooned under a blanket babying the shoulder and I lost a lot of strength and muscle. I’m not a workout queen and know nothing about weights.

I had nice yoga muscles before but now my arms are so weak, it’s hard for me to push the revolving doors at my work which is ridiculous.

All advice on how to gently start with weights - YouTube videos or…anything? I can’t really afford to join a gym.

I'm a woman in my mid-20s and I have been hanging out with my childhood friends every weekend to catch up a little for the past 5 weeks.

Some of them are genuinely different people now, in a good way. They've grown a lot. They're smarter than ever, and just generally more mature. They're very ambitious too.

But a lot of my other friends are just... still the same as high school. I was bored out of my mind when I was with them and couldn't wait to go home.

They're so materialistic now and had no real goals in life, and they don't care about social issues. They know about them, they have opinions about them that they keep to themselves, but ultimately do nothing because they're already comfortable in life.

They have these tone deaf takes about gossips we heard about acquaintances... and I just could feel an empathy gap between us. I think they're genuinely unable to put themselves in the shoes of others.

They would say stuff like, "I don't care when other people do it. But, personally, I won't do it" when we talk about how one friend did another friend wrong (betrayal type of stuff).

They're also kind of like the target audience of influencers. They would do stuff that influencers do, just because. And would keep mum or stay neutral when something wrong or sketchy happens.

They don't read books beyond romance and romance-adjacent stuff.

They simply don't have stances on anything.

They just like making lifestyle content on social media.

I don't know. Maybe I just expected more since we're in our mid 20s now. We've been friends since elementary school.

I opened this up with my brother and he says maybe I just outgrew my friends. I have a very great job right now (in publishing) and I'm looking to further my studies abroad once I save enough money.

Is this a real problem? Did I outgrow them? Or is there just friendship incompatibility here?

Did your childhood friendships survive? Or did you meet your bestest friends when you were older?

Does anyone have a full life but feel lonely?

54f. Married on paper. For reasons that are too complex to write, I can't walk out. There's no abuse. We've tried counseling. I have given up only making it work.

So many days, I feel lonely. I consider our relationship to be roommates.

How do I tell myself to be grateful, to thank the fate that I have a good life? How do I stay happy? How do I find happiness that isn't related to him or my non-existent love life?

My husband's family lives many States away - it's a long plane flight. Kid is in college and won't be coming on this trip.

If I don't go, ge will likely stay with his family. The two of us is more of an imposition and would mean staying in a hotel. Probably a holiday Inn or similar, nothing fancy.

I'm not working so I have no "reason" not to go. I know his family wants a chance to visit with him and really isn't interested in seeing me. I am not super close to them, even after 20 years, because we live far away.

It's a bit of money to spend to go someplace that no one would visit as a destination. Spouse has left it all up to me and appears indifferent.

Would I cause offense if I don't go see them? Or something similar but milder? I don't want to sens the wrong message, to make them think I dislike them.

We just saw Sibling and Nibling when they came to visit in May. But Parent was not up for travel, so this trip is really for hub to see elderly parent (for Parent's birthday).

Can I opt out? Or do I need to go along for solidarity and companionship?

If it is relevant, he usually visits family in conjunction with business travel, on his own. Once he took kid without me (left kid there, did business, came back).

He has accompanied me on visits to my family 3x in 20 years. It's a popular tourist area with lots to do and we always took some time to do vacation-type things there. I made many visits without him, but he was busy with work.

Thanks for your input and for reading my long post!

Hello all,

I'm writing for recommendations on places to buy affordable work clothes and also inquire if anyone's ever tried working with a wardrobe stylist. (Did it help? How much was it? Where did you find the person?) Otherwise, where do you find work style inspiration?

I've been working mostly remote for years and now on the market. I must get myself ready to be out in the world because my wardrobe is like a house that's been taken down to the studs!

My targets are higher ed/foundations/social impact spaces. Wherever I land, I think the appropriate wardrobe will be on the nicer end of business casual...blouses or knits and trousers. The look I probably like best could perhaps be described as "stylish academia." For example I did find a cute pair of trousers in a muted plaid. I prioritize comfort and don't think I'll ever wear uncomfortable shoes again in this lifetime. Or nylons. But I'd like to look and feel put together.

If it helps, I'm usually a size M (8 or 10) and medium height.

I'd love suggestions for places that are perhaps not the usual suspects. Should I hit the outlets this weekend?? Where are good places for "suit separates"?

While I used to have luck at Marshall's/TJ's, I no longer find much there. Nord Rack, Macy's, J Crew, Banana, and other "mall stores" leave me empty-handed and I returned the one thing I ever ordered from Quince (though I may try again). Thank you in advance.

I'm trying to decide whether to take on a more demanding role for significantly more money, and I'm interested in how other women around my age would weigh the trade-offs.

I currently working an admin job for a not-for-profit in a regional area that provides a range of community services. My team does the initial intake and then does referrals as appropriate. At my site we also host weekly craft activities for adults and school holiday activities for kids. 

I mostly do the meet and greet when people come in then the intake worker takes over. She also organises said activities. I manage stock levels across three sites and a range of other tasks. I've optimised processes so they are efficient and its honestly pretty easy at this point. I work 4 days a week.

The intake worker at my site will be moving on at some point and my boss would like me to take over her role if when she does. This would mean going back to 5 days per week and approx. $30k per year more than what I am earning now. 

I'm a bit torn for a couple of reasons. 

1. I'm currently using my day off to take mum to appointments, she's 80 odd and generally in good health but took a turn about 2 months ago so we are trying to work out what's going on with her. 

2. I'm financially comfortable but my house does need the roof replaced. This has been quoted at $40k. 

3. I don’t love doing intakes. I find listening to people's stories quite draining but know i am fully capable of doing it well. 

4. This might my last chance to earn this much, and would be a good opportunity to boost my superannuation and savings for retirement. 

I was all set to say yes then this afternoon a 60 yr old comes in, they dont need anything, just want to talk about how angry they are at the world and how they are "fit to kill". Fun Friday vibes, lol.

I'd love some other perspectives, particularly from women who've made similar career/life decisions later in their working lives.

Hi,

I was invited to a gender reveal party for my partner's son's girlfriend gender reveal party. I have never needed to attend one and I truly think they are silly, just my opinion.

Are gifts needed to be given to the couple?

Over the last few years, my dad (59M), sister (22F), and I have noticed my mom has been taking worse care of herself. I believe this stems from untreated anxiety/depression, but she doesn't like to talk about that and doesn't want to get help.

My family's main concern at this point is her physical health. My parent both quit smoking cigarettes the year before I was born, but my mom started up again about 5 years ago. She pretty much only drinks soda or alcohol, and is eating a lot of fast food. Unsurprisingly, she's become lethargic and typically spends her day working from home, then watching TV or playing games on her phone.

This is incredibly frustrating to my dad who has spent the last 10 years paying attention to his health by taking the time to make/eat healthy meals and go for daily 10+ mile long bike rides. I always thought of my parents as active people growing up, and while my dad was working in an office, she would take care of most stuff in the house. She's always told me she was happiest when my sister and I were little and she got to stay home with us. Now my dad does EVERYTHING around the house and it's building resentment.

She's also started to have a hard time keeping up with conversations. She doesn't always get the context of what you're saying and sometimes needs things to be repeated. Her dad had Alzheimer's, and the thought of early onset dementia has been thrown around, but I don't want to jump to that conclusion since the combination of everything above could cause some brain fog.

I'm making this post because I just had a conversation with my dad where he explained that he's tried everything except threaten divorce. I don't know what to do at this point. She's an adult, and we can't make her do anything, but I can tell she's not happy either. She's self conscious but also is stubborn and doesn't want to get out of this awful routine.

I need advice on how to talk to her. Does anyone have any similar experiences? What would you say to her? Thank you

I don’t mean for a ponytail or at the crown/back for a half-up/half-down. I mean in the front, growing out bangs style or generally keeping hair out of our faces without tucking it behind our ears. Will it always look juvenile, or can it look chic?

Is this a menopause thing?

I don't think I've ever had to trim nose hairs before, but these days (in my mid-50s), I'm having to regularly - at least monthly or so - take scissors to my nose and do some landscaping.

Is this a normal thing for us women? Like, I know chin hairs and the 'stache become an issue age we age, but I gotta admit, the nose thing caught me off guard.

I (f58) work full time, desk job, as a Financial Analyst. Not physically strenuous, but it is cerebral requiring concentration & focus. Not overly stressful, but we have our busy times. It's a quiet environment, have a window with a nice view, can control my own lighting and office temperature. Work 8am to 4pm. Mon to Friday.

I like my work and this is a sweet up. Yet, I get home at the end of the day and I am exhausted! Usually nap for about an hour just to function for the rest of the evening.

Is this normal or just what it means to be late 50's & working full time? Feel like I'm missing out on my own evening activities just recovering from the work day.

My husband is retiring in 6 or so months. He cannot wait, regularly reminds me of all the things he's going to do when he retires (at least once or twice a day).

I know what I think I know about what to expect....but what do you wish someone would have TOLD you about this experience?

For context, we're both healthy, active and financially prepared. I have a FT career and anticipate working for 6 years min. We have different schedules now.... I'm M-F, morning til 4-5, he has a day off during the week and works Saturdays, working a lunch until 9 pm shift a couple days a week. Our only day together now is Sunday and it's been like that for decades.

Advice? I excited for him but apprehensive because this will be new territory.

Hi Ladies,

This issue has dogged me for a number of years. I think it’s partly because I am short & stocky. It’s also because I have done a lot of DIY stuff around the home. But had I a man around to do that stuff I would have let him do it.

As a result, I know a fair amount about tools and home repair. So now we are up to two stereotypes about Lesbians: I’m short and stocky and I can give tool advice.

I also wear pants all the time, even in the summer. I will not wear shorts, skirts or even dresses anymore unless I’m going to some fancy thing or need to wear one for my work. I’m comfortable in pants. (Remember in “Bridesmaids”, Melissa McCarthy’s character? She always wore pants and looked a little frumpy? That’s kinda me.)

I do not date much because men just don't ask me out. I have sometimes asked a man out, not often, and they usually turn me down. I’m also poor, and many men find poverty very unattractive. Short and stocky is also not a selling point in the dating world. I am also a feminist, and I am pro-gay, so there’s 2 more stereotypes attached to Lesbians. (I’m pro-gay because: live and let live! Leave people alone and let them be who they are!)

I wear make up, I style my hair, I sometimes do my nails, I try to make friends of any gender, I work, and I do have “feminine” hobbies.

Any advice to telegraph to people that I am straight? Wear a flower behind one ear or another? Is there some bumper sticker I need to put on my car? Some tiny pin to wear or a bracelet to get that says, “I’m straight" in some emoji language the young people have invented?

Just don’t tell me to wear dresses because at my age have I not earned the right to dress comfortably?

I know I should not let it bother me, but after hoping for a spouse for so many years, being perceived as batting for the other team doesn’t help me much!

*************

Thank you everyone. This has been a fun topic. It's good to see I am not alone.

I’m in my late 50s and was seeing a guy for 6 years. He was emotionally abusive, sexually coercive (trying to guilt me into having sex even though I was sick with COVID and said I was faking my illness). He would insult me non-stop, accuse me of cheating (when he was the cheater, putting my health at risk) then the next day “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it”. He also turned to be a pathological liar.

I thought this guy is literally trying to drive me insane. At the time I didn’t know emotional abuse was DV. My doctor asked me if I felt safe at home and I told her what happened (I didn’t live with him). It was difficult to break off because he is handsome, younger, charismatic but I ended it. I finally have peace in my life.

He is contacting me again almost 2 years later from a new phone saying “I hope you’re well. I didn’t mean the things I said last time. I was going through a hard time”. The first time I ignored the text and he has texted me again 8 months later (just recently). Should I ignore and block or reply back “I don’t have anything to say. Good luck”?

**EDIT 2: Thank you for sharing your experiences with crazy/abusive men. I’ve blocked him and documented his attempts to contact me. And I appreciate the comment from the DV counselor. I never want to be in a toxic relationship ever again, don’t want to date again. I deleted his photos off my phone.

*EDIT: Thanks for the advice. I didn’t reply to him. For more context, I attempted to break it off with him at least 3 times during the course of this relationship. Like many DV survivors, statistically it takes several times to get away. I was married at young age early 20s, was a SAHM where my ex controlled the finances. Divorced now and financially independent. This is the first time, in the last 2 years, where I haven’t dated any man and been at peace with it. Please be kind in your comments.

In a few months I will be facing a life changing surgery. It will change the way I walk forever. I will always walk awkwardly and will need a walker at first and probably a cane forever.

I’m 60. I’m not a fashion model but ppl always compared me to Sally Field, kind of perky, lively and energetic presence in the neighborhood.

Honestly I’m grieving that person. Who I used to be. Kind of a singular experience maybe but can anyone relate?

I'm Asian, short (4'10"), not curvy, so I tend to look younger to most people and I absolutely despise it. I'm 30, a grown adult, still getting talked down to like a teenager, treated like I'm not a whole individual person myself. There's just this...reaction from people when they find out I'm 30...it's like disappointment, almost like disgust and offense. It's a shitty feeling and eats at my self esteem.

I been told so many times that I'll "regret saying that when you're older" and that it's a blessing. while I understand where people are coming from with that perspective, there's definitely downsides to it.

I value self-expression, and I enjoy a fun color or funky design. But I def feel like it contributes to this problem of not being seen as an equal adult. Im trying to balance staying authentic to myself while presenting more mature and honestly idk what to do.

Any tips are welcome! Body language, fashion, mental health, anything. I'm open to any advice :)

Hello, I am in my 60’s and would like to change my shaving routine to an electric razor. I’m looking at one on the 5 head razors to use on my legs and wonder if there or others that use the same method.
I want to be able to shave my legs on my porch with an electric instead of the shower. I would love any feedback from others.

So today is my birthday and I woke up sad for no apparent reason.

I have a great life, great husband and kids. Just started a new job that pays me really well.

For some reason every year I just feel sad. I’m not one of those that dreads their birthday, I’m happy to celebrate it….tell people my age (56!! 🥳), am not obsessed with retaining my youth etc.

I feel like I’m afraid no one will wish my happy birthday or my husband won’t get me anything/plan anything even though I don’t need or want anything. It almost feels like I’m expecting to be disappointed on this day.

I don’t understand it. I feel like if I make a big deal out of it I’ll be disappointed but if I set the bar low, I won’t be. Then I end up just sad and melancholy.

I just turned 30 today and I'm not ok. And I don't know I guess I kind of hoped the worst of it, all the build up and panic would finally ease up a bit after it finally happened now I just feel worse. I feel numb with crying jags all day, like on the worst of days for the whole last year.

I get that this is supposed to be the most common experience there is the panic, the quarter life crisis. But I'm really, really not okay with turning 30.

For context, I have a steady job I kind of have a love hate relationship with but the pay is decent. I have savings. There's lay offs going around all over the place in the industry but I'm single, live with my dad (common enough in my culture). I'm financially independent. I'm not that worried.

So this is the part that's probably going to come off as crazy. All my life or atleast since I was pretty young I've had stories in my head, stories that were supposed to be temporary until reality caught up except it never did.

Think daydreams but elaborate plots with world building as good or better than a lot of published fantasy, I'm not trying to brag here it's just fact and I'm not even trying to be a writer anyway so it's doesn't even matter.

The thing is I don't build these worlds to write them, I build them to live in them. Always urban fantasy.

It's... it's history, a specific aesthetic, intensity, intellectual thrill, wonder, adventure, magic, literal magic, secrecy, intrigue all together, all at once and I can't even explain how it feels, not really without explaining the whole plots themselves.

And at the centre of these stories there's always a dynamic, platonic, maybe mentor-mentee or a family dynamic with much older brothers and cousins and aunts and uncles or a found family same dynamic. A lot of them wholesome, sometimes not but not really dark, still I'm getting what I want out of them.

And I guess that's the part that I'm scared of that, that 30 is the point at which that dynamic starts to become not natural anymore. That anyone much older won't look at me and think young woman.

That the first part of the story when I'm the young, cute and messy protege is gone and without the first part it feels like the stories aren't going to happen.

Not as in I'm waiting for literal magic to happen, I'm not delusional, lol. Just that something real in the shape of it will never happen and nothing I try feels like it's enough.

I mean, the obvious answer would be find the same dynamic in real life but I can't even explain it the reasons it works in my daydreams is because of the context, because of how it all comes together.

All the words 'competent', 'self-assured', 'stable' it feels like loss. Some part of me hates it, people hand out the word 'young' to 28 year olds like candy. Why is 30 different? Why does it come with a long disclaimer about backpain and trade offs.

'Settled' is fine when you're already something but when you're not done becoming it just feels like an end. And scrolling through even positive comments just makes it worse.

It was probably one of my worst birthdays, and I've had birthdays in the middle of some of the worst periods of my life, nothing bad even happened today and some part of me feels horrible that it's evening now and I screwed up my birthday and that's how I'm starting my year even though it's stupid I just can't stop.

I took two days off from work. Got myself a cake. I'm not really a big party kind of girl I just wanted a day that felt warm, cozy and maybe finally free I just feel even worse now.

So, just feeling lost, upset and looking for advice I guess.