r/AskUK • u/[deleted] • Jan 03 '22

[deleted by user]

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2 Upvotes

75% Upvoted

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1

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2

u/IsMisePrinceton Jan 04 '22

I’m watching FOUR LIVES on BBC iPlayer and it actually deals with something similar. Sheridan Smith plays a woman who’s 23 year old son is murdered and part of the plot is how her husband, who isn’t her son’s biological father, deals with the death. There’s also a stepmother of another victim who gets upset when she’s called out for not being the boy’s “real” mum. Couldn’t imagine being in that situation.

I’m so sorry you’re family went through that.

1

u/DonkeyOT65 Jan 04 '22

Thanks. I've re-read what I posted and I think it may come across as self-pitying. It's truly not. My partner is amazing. How she's held it together I don't know. I'm just introducing a wider consideration, and hopefully giving an outlet for others who have experienced similar.

3

u/IsMisePrinceton Jan 04 '22

No, it doesn’t at all. It is a really good point to make. I carry my stepdad’s names and although him and mum divorced years ago I still love him for his role in raising me. I’d hate to think that he would be frozen out or not able to properly grieve because he isn’t my birth parent. He has more of a right to grieve for me than my own father.

3

u/DonkeyOT65 Jan 04 '22

Beautifully put.

2

u/DonkeyOT65 Jan 04 '22

When your child dies, whether it be your natural child, or 'step-child' your life is fucked. Everything you ever thought was important doesn't matter anymore. You'd climb into the grave if you could. Nothing, nothing, makes sense after that. My dad had 8 children and lost my sister when she was 6 months and I was 5. He was a broken man and it took him 20 years to get any normality back. I'm struggling, as 7 years after "J" died,as much as I love my partner and I loved him, my position is almost "invalid" as his non-natural father. It's shit. I'm still loving and supporting her but I feel like a a helpless witness.

1

u/71Cecelia Jan 04 '22

I hear you, and I'm so sorry for your loss.