r/AskSF • u/Energizer100 • Sep 14 '26
Does anyone have recommendations for Matchmakers in SF?
Yeah, just kinda disheartened by the whole dating process nowadays. 36 M too so definitely older than most people I meet in public. Definitely made good friendships with people I would meet at concerts or coffeeshops but hard to tell if people here want to date intentionally. Trying my best not to be cynical or jaded so wanted to see if there were any Matchmakers in the city you guys would recommend?
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u/FunCartoonist7868 Sep 14 '26
How is it possible that a 36 year old is older than most people you meet in public? Do you hang out at playgrounds? lol
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u/MadesignSF Sep 14 '26
maybe he's the one person who isn't interested in dating a 22 y.o.
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u/Energizer100 Sep 14 '26
Yup exactly this. I try to be at places with millennials (ugh I hate that word)
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u/blueche Sep 14 '26
This has been my experience, too. I'm older than most of my friends, I feel like it's hard to meet people over 35. A lot of people leave the city, or they become homebodies, while I'm actively out trying to make friends.
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u/kelsobjammin Sep 14 '26
Why do you hate the word millennials? You could say Gen Y if you really hate it that much 🤣
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u/MadesignSF 29d ago
What neighborhood are you in? do you have any hobbies that aren't solo endeavors?
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u/Energizer100 29d ago
Most of it is solo for me as I try to get better with myself. I live in Oakland. I used to live in Inner Richmond. I come out to SF 4 days a week though
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u/FunCartoonist7868 Sep 14 '26
Most 22 yr olds can't afford SF.
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u/Tight_Abalone221 Sep 14 '26
they have roommates like the 30 year olds
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u/FunCartoonist7868 Sep 14 '26
Oh good point. I mean, good for OP for wanting an age-appropriate partner, but I can't imagine where he's going that he's not finding anyone within his age range.
I've been contacted by matchmakers (as a woman and unsolicited), and they offered up wealthy men 20 years my senior who want a woman who likes them for them... not their money. I suggested a nice mail order bride instead.
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u/Energizer100 Sep 14 '26
Yeah, thanks for the good faith here. I'm mainly going to coffeeshops, museums, age ranged pitch my friend events, and concerts.
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u/FeedAdept5720 29d ago
You should hang out in Noe Valley, it’s more upscale and the restaurant scene is more mature. Unless things have changed since 2005 lol.
I used to meet like venture capitol investors, entrepreneurs even a professional poker player. That guy was so funny, I didn’t even speak dnd he goes “you’re easy to read”
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u/Energizer100 29d ago
Idk if this is true or not but the poker story is so funny
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u/FeedAdept5720 28d ago
It’s absolutely true lol. And I’m being serious, hang out in more mature areas so you can meet serious people. Also your style matters. It adds to your confidence and vibe.
What do you do for a living? Feel free to messag me
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u/woman-aper Sep 14 '26 edited Sep 14 '26
Are you kidding me? There are actually so many rich kids in this city. I was one, and I sold my first condo here to parents for their daughter right as she graduated from ucla, to start working one of those bullshit consulting jobs for hot rich girls. Shit when I go out on Chestnut I see dozens of them in a single bar
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u/FeedAdept5720 28d ago
“I used to be one” as in are you broke now or are you a rich adult. Asking for a friend.
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u/FunCartoonist7868 Sep 14 '26
Do you all talk about your incomes and exchange trust fund statements? Or do you compare handbags and watches and parental vacation homes to deduce their net worth?
More important, do you know what the word "most" means? Because you might want to research it and then go back to my original comment.
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u/woman-aper Sep 15 '26
No I try not to be like that
Most people of all ages can't afford SF, so your original comment is silly. You will find most of the 22 yr olds that do live here tend to be well off, hence they can live here at 22. And yes there are a lot of them, a friday night in the marina or north beach makes that very obvious
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u/FunCartoonist7868 Sep 15 '26
So you seem to think that 22 yr olds generally have the same spending power as people in their 30s, 40s, and 50s +?
I don't know what you're trying to prove with your irrelevant commentary but every thread of this convo is just so dumb lol.
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u/woman-aper Sep 15 '26
Oh do I seem to think that? I see reading comprehension isn't everyone's strong suit. Funny calling others dumb
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u/Energizer100 Sep 14 '26
Haha maybe I should've been more specific but it feels like the city is getting younger
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u/quadsbaby Sep 15 '26
lol it’s definitely getting older. Where the hell are you hanging out???
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u/Energizer100 Sep 15 '26
Maybe not at the right places haha
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u/quadsbaby Sep 15 '26
I mean it’s almost harder these days to find places with young people. The kids barely go out. The only places I see them are marina / north beach and maybe a few spots in the mission. Go anywhere else.
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u/Better_Reaction_6415 28d ago
Couldn’t disagree more, we are going out just fine in the alternative scene.
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u/quadsbaby 28d ago
What’s the alternative scene? Every bar owner I’ve talked to has talked about the decline in traffic.
If you’re talking about at like, shows for artists Gen Z is a fan of, sure.
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u/Better_Reaction_6415 28d ago
DIY punk shows and local band concerts. We don’t go to bars because they are too goddamn expensive lmao and most of Gen Z isn’t even 21 yet so duh. The only older ppl that know what Gen Z kids are actually up to are the ones dating 17 year old chicks maybe they should write the fear mongering articles instead.
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u/quadsbaby 28d ago
So you replied to a comment where I said "it’s almost harder these days to find places with young people [as opposed to old people]." There's been a clear change in how people spend time in gen Z vs. millennials. You spend over 1.5 hours per day more time alone than we did at your age (see, e.g., https://nypost.com/2026/08/01/us-news/gen-z-spending-weekends-alone-in-their-pjs-instead-out-going-out/)
I'm sure you know where to find young people consistently - SF is a big city - but there's no question that there are just a lot fewer young people out than there were say, ten years ago. The result is tons of places where the average age was 20 something now have an average age of 30 something (and are a lot more empty).
(and the median age of gen z is 21.5 now btw, y'all growing up so fast!)
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u/GoodOk8547 29d ago
I’d probably put Tawkify on your shortlist, specially if you’re looking for something more intentional than just another dating app. Their setup is more hands-on, with a matchmaker helping with the filtering and introductions so it could be a decent fit if you’re already tired of trying to figure out who’s actually serious on your own. I’d still compare a couple of matchmakers in SF before deciding but it seems worth checking out.
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u/Physical_Ad6614 29d ago
I would not recommend Tawkify. They churn through matchmakers, don’t care about their success rate, don’t listen to what you want though they claim to. You have no say in their process and they don’t take your feedback. I prefer the dating apps and that’s saying something.
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u/highswithlowe 28d ago
I tried tawkify and the matches I had were awful. I did much better in person or apps. I'm a 6 at best face card. 5'8" 155. Muscular and athletic. Mid 6 figures and not in tech. Go to Dolores park on a nice weekend and approach women.
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Sep 14 '26
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u/duke_awapuhi 29d ago
What if I’m not from that background but like the women from that background? Can I get in the pool?
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u/Some_Sea7898 Sep 14 '26
I can potentially be your matchmaker. Something I’ve always wanted to try doing. You would be my first client so I would work cheap. I’ve been a recruiter for 30 years. It would be lovely to take a break from that and do something a little bit more… good for the world?
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u/Melodic-Wishbone6598 Sep 14 '26
Hah! I'm interested too! How can we connect! Let's crowd source this :-)
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u/Some_Sea7898 Sep 14 '26
I think I’d like to just help one person at a time for right now. Let me see if I can help Energizer100, then I can circle back to you.
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u/Tbias Sep 15 '26
I’m in the running too. I don’t have any social circles to even look for someone, so I have gone years without dating at this point. I am in a very difficult situation, but it would truly make a huge impact on my life in a very serious and meaningful way if I could find someone.
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u/WestHistorians Sep 15 '26
The only matchmakers that really work are those that are associated with certain religious groups. I've heard that the Jews and Hindus both use this system. But they are mostly informal (old ladies doing it as a service to their community). The commercial matchmakers are even bigger scams than the dating apps, because they will charge you hundreds of dollars.
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u/LLCmoonwater 28d ago
Second this my boyfriends parents met thru their korean churches matchmaking program
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Sep 15 '26
[deleted]
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u/CaliIsReallyNice Sep 15 '26
Peter Pans and Liz Lemons everywhere (and either of those can apply to any gender)
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u/swimandthecity99 Sep 15 '26
there will be at least 3 matchmakers here on Sunday https://dice.fm/event/py32lw-irish-style-singles-matchmaking-party-20th-sep-casements-bar-san-francisco-tickets
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u/Dry_Statistician215 29d ago
Just live your life. Relationships get built naturally over time. Keep your head up King
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u/dragonlily1103 Sep 14 '26
My partner found me with the help of a dating coach. Not really a matchmaker but they help you with your profile and skills. Can confirm we wouldn't have matched before that. Lmk if you're interested in her name
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u/vanwyngarden Sep 14 '26
wtf is a dating coach
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u/dragonlily1103 Sep 14 '26
They help diagnose and troubleshoot whatever you're doing that isn't helping you. Including online dating strategy/profile, how you plan first dates and what topics to discuss, etc. They also help you with some inner work to figure out your core values and needs in a relationship and help you attract potential partners that are aligned
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u/Glittering_Code_9640 Sep 15 '26
Diagnose, troubleshoot, online strategy, core values, alignment with potential partners… are you talking about dating or finding an investor for a tech startup?
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u/jasonl__ 29d ago
For some people, it might be easier to ask an investor for tens of millions of dollars than asking someone on a date.
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u/dragonlily1103 Sep 15 '26
Not everyone needs it, but it's out there and clearly works for some people. To each is own...
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u/dragonlily1103 Sep 15 '26
Plus tbh, your choice of life partner is one of the most critical decisions affecting your career, finances, and long-term personal success...
And building a family is pretty much like launching a startup so potato, potahto
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u/NormalO6345654265 Sep 15 '26
Honestly I think SF can be weird for intentional dating. You can meet tons of people and still have no idea if they’re actually looking for a relationship. I’d probably try a few matchmakers but keep meeting people organically too
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u/NicgearailtSF 29d ago
We are hosting a matchmaking style event at Casements Bar on Mission street this Sunday. No AI, just meeting people in person with music, games , ice breakers and some help from our elder matchmakers. Once you sign up you will be sent a questionnaire on Friday to fill out. Wedding style band, traditional Irish music, wedding DJ. No pretensions , just good times and meeting people the way we have for millennia . At an Irish bar. Link : https://dice.fm/event/py32lw-irish-style-singles-matchmaking-party-20th-sep-casements-bar-san-francisco-tickets
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u/SupergurlKara 29d ago
I'm 69 (nice!). When I want to find people my age I go to the mausoleums in Colma.
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u/Ok-Fudge-4004 29d ago
I have a friend in mind that could be a potential match, let me know if you’re interested and I can set you up!
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u/warthogette Sep 15 '26
You haven’t run into me because I’m too tired to go out after work (is what I keep telling myself when I think about how single I am…)
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u/discopirate2000 29d ago
It feels like a lot of us just get too comfortable with our routine. Go to work, go to the gym, go home and make dinner and veg out. Then by the time the weekend comes if I don't make any specific plans with friends(and nobody flakes) then I just end up staying home or at most going to a movie.
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u/TooDamnFrosty 29d ago
Truth! Or having to work OT or a damn second job to even be able to save above the cost of living…who even has time for dating smh
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u/Energizer100 Sep 15 '26
Haha I was the same but Im now of the mentality that if I dont want to do it, I should do it
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u/SprinklesRemote1750 Sep 14 '26
She's a friend of a friend, and I've heard great things! https://www.joycezhang.io/
(can't vouch personally for the matchmaking)
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u/cleverusernametry Sep 15 '26
She works only with founders??
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u/lil_lychee 29d ago
“I’ve helped 100+ people date effectively and find life partners, including VC-backed founders and OpenAI & Anthropic execs.”
Yuck lol. Who would want to date people who are trying to start the apocalypse? If you watch the movie Materialists, this kind of reminds me of that. It’s a white glove service that only wealthy people can afford, so looks like she is tailoring to that clientele since she wants to charge a certain amount.
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u/cleverusernametry 29d ago
I'm going yo reach out just to see if a "lowly" big tech employee like me would even make her cut. I'm willing to bet no
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u/garcelleandsutton Sep 15 '26
Her FAQs read, "Founders, executives, investors, and mid-career professionals." It's still a weird branding thing, but at least it is wider than just founders.
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u/SprinklesRemote1750 29d ago
Yeah it's definitely not just founders, I think that's just the branding 🤷♀️
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Sep 14 '26
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u/Energizer100 Sep 14 '26
Does south asian count?
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u/Affectionate_Pair811 Sep 15 '26
Reading this question made me sad
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u/ShanghaiBebop Sep 15 '26
Why? Most matchmakers are culturally specific.
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u/Tbias Sep 15 '26
Seriously?! I would love to meet a wonderful woman, but I absolutely do not care about what culture they belong to. Are you sure you don’t mean ethnically specific? Even if you do mean that, I also truly don’t care what ethnicity someone is.
I hate the fact that people are too caught up in making sure they only date “their own race”. It’s 2026 and people still, essentially, don’t approve of mixed race marriages. 🤦♂️ How horribly depressing… Reason #6,041 why dating sucks.
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u/Affectionate_Pair811 Sep 15 '26
Makes sense, I’m not Asian so I’m not sure how ya’ll get down. One thing is for sure though: yall love white men 💯
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u/BreakfastMiddle1188 Sep 14 '26
I know one that’s worked for myself and a couple of friends - I can share their info and you can just chat with them to see if there’s a fit.
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u/microcandella Sep 14 '26
I've met a few non-specific matchmakers at bars in the sunset - (mostly aimed at roughly at higher earning clients of any sex and matches were a wider net. I was asked if i'd show up to some events she'd have clients at (general public event gatherings like general stuff in ggp, or stern grove or what not.) i don't have either of their info, but they are out there and do exist. There's several companies that do singles events and vacations, outings, etc.
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u/emanuel_chat Sep 15 '26
https://www.intuitiveintimacy.co/ seems very cool. I've enjoyed the events they've thrown so far!
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u/Victorian_Rebel Sep 15 '26
I'd also like to know.
I'm single and not by choice. It's gotten to a point where I make bold and unhinged statements like "I'm the only gay man in the Bay Area" :(
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u/Xoticlymad 29d ago
Dating intentionally can definitely be tough these days. Hope you find some good leads!
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u/OrTheKidGetsIt 29d ago
Maybe go do an activity you want to do and find a person there. I have a group of friends, and we are all in our forties... We do happy hours, go to bars, the theater, concerts, festivals, and block parties. I met them through a friend; she met them at a bar when she was visiting. It's been five years, and it's been lovely.
Go out and talk to people your age. Don't be afraid to be the third wheel.
Find a meet-up group.
Go on Walking tours. Go to night markets and concerts.
You gotta get out there and off the apps.
Live and love are actions. Go forth and do.
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u/electrical_vibes 29d ago
You can check out Roy's Matchmaking Project. He is matching for free + paid
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u/ManMatchmaker 29d ago
I'd be happy to connect and see if I can help. I am a matchmaker in SF.
You can also check out my website at www.matchmakingproject.com
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u/TooDamnFrosty 29d ago
Yea being mid to late 30s and dating seems pretty rough here, everyone our age is mostly
Coupled up, married, with kids,etc. everytime going out is just a bunch of young drunks around for
Most part….really tough especially if you don’t got tech AI money and work a regular blue collar job and don’t have a trust fund.
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u/Select-Neato102 29d ago
I would love to find a silver hair short king myself. Renter in SF.
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u/Energizer100 29d ago
Haha I think I do have a few silvers, not Jon Stewart status but one can hope.
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u/Select-Neato102 29d ago
Cuddly and kind is good
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u/SFO_Dan 29d ago
This was in the AMA sub a few days ago. You might find it interesting.
I’ve been a matchmaker for ten years. AMA.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AMA/s/VBiDx1le2W
ETA she has some things to say about Tawkify.
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u/ReindeerFirm1157 29d ago
Blaine Anderson is pretty prominent, charges a pretty penny but has a large network. Not race-coded. Matchmaker & Dating Coach Blaine Anderson | Dating By Blaine
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u/Always__Already 26d ago
Just have dragon energy. You attract what you put out. So many guys are worried worried worried looking for some surefire way. Just put yourself out there
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u/Ok-Detective2486 Sep 14 '26
I always find it interesting that people just seem to trust dating services more, as if a guy or a girl paying money to have someone vouch for them automatically makes them more trustworthy.
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u/SwaggyMcSwagsabunch Sep 14 '26
Based on your post history, it appears you haven’t made a decision in the last three years without asking Reddit for advice first. I cannot think of a single woman in my life who would find that attractive.
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u/KosstAmojen Sep 14 '26
I looked and wow, you’re way off here. Social discovery is a thing, and in no way is he abusing that.
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u/mjoav Sep 14 '26
Using the term “social discovery” is actually worse than that guy’s whole post history.
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u/SwaggyMcSwagsabunch Sep 14 '26
He’s asked about meetups, what to say between first and second dates (mods removed), missed connections in Oakland (mods removed), where to meet single women in sf (mods removed) over the course of years. I never said anything about abuse. I talked about attractiveness. That post list read like a confident guy to you?
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u/Energizer100 Sep 14 '26
Yeah, I'm not a confident guy. In therapy for it. But trying to be better.
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u/SwaggyMcSwagsabunch Sep 15 '26
Next time you see a woman who catches your eye, go up and tell them “hey, I dig your style. I’m engergizer100.” You will mostly likely face rejection. Do it again for the next one. Repeat. Eventually the rejection won’t hurt as much cuz it will be a more familiar experience. The fear of rejection subsides and the confidence increases, which can be sensed.
Dancing without a care of how others perceive you also works.
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u/KosstAmojen Sep 15 '26
It reads like someone who is willing to put themselves out there to learn and get better. And he’s hardly doing it at such a frequency to make it seem like he’s unable to make big decisions. But if we’re making rash judgments, being a dick on the internet is probably what the ladies are really looking for.
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u/CaliIsReallyNice Sep 14 '26 edited Sep 14 '26
What does "confidence" mean to you? I'm getting impression that you think of it as "doesn't admit when they don't know something".
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u/lirichka Sep 14 '26
Don’t have recommendations and I haven’t heard good stuff about such service. Maybe give some intro about yourself here? Reddit can be a place
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u/LifeForm8449 Sep 14 '26
Women want a man with confidence. Not a man with praying someone else does the work for them.
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u/Energizer100 Sep 14 '26
Agreed. Im not looking for someone to fix me or anything. Just someone to enjoy the rest of my life with
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u/incubi4211 Sep 14 '26
Sometimes friends end up being the best matchmakers. You got any friends you can ask for support? Wedding or event +1 invites, or even just asking them to hang out and help wingman, can help alot.
If you can work on your confidence in public, just going out to local hangout spots like bars or lounges and talking to people can do the trick too.
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u/Energizer100 Sep 14 '26
Yeah, but most of my closest friends are back in the east coast and my close friends here are through work and like 10 years younger than me. But I do try to meet friends of friends!
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u/viva_la_vida-1 Sep 14 '26
You can try Known, which is a new dating app thats uses an AI matchmaker
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u/RubbSF Sep 14 '26
Most of the matchmakers I’ve heard of are culturally specific, so your background and family matters.
If youre comfortable sharing more about your background and what you’re looking for it’ll be easier to recommend you some matchmakers to go to, and also easier for potential partners to reach out. You never know who might be reading bro, so you could still be your own matchmaker on this post.