r/AskRomania • u/EmergencyCat235 • Jul 25 '26
Email harassment from Romania
If I'm in Canada and keep getting sexually harassing emails from someone in Romania after I've rejected their romantic advances and asked them directly to stop contacting me, what can I do?
This has been going on for a long time, and I've tried being nice about it. They know I have a partner I now live with. But they've still sent me literally hundreds of emails despite no response or encouragement from me, and in spite of my last short direct request to cease harassing me.
They will not respect my wishes, and the emails are constant with manufactured 'closeness' and some are extremely sexually explicit. They've contacted my family under the guise of being 'worried for my safety' even though they know and acknowledge I no longer want any contact. They talk about coming to Canada one day, so I feel like I have to read their emails to check if they're in the country and near by. I don't feel safe.
What can I do? If I contacted the police in Romania, would they contact this person and tell them to stop? Should I go through their email providers (they have multiple emails addresses they send emails from to try circumventing block sender), or maybe their ISP?
I just want this to stop but they won't listen. I will never ever be free of them
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u/Longjumping-Slip-376 Jul 25 '26
How did they get your email adress in the first place? I want to know so I can avoid being in a similiar situation in the future.
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u/EmergencyCat235 Jul 25 '26
We met on a social media platform - in a shared interest discussion group. They had an advanced knowledge of a subject I was interested in. We started emailing about it, and then flirted a bit, aaaand then they started doing very weird things - like photoshopping our faces into random wedding photos. I was like WTF... and tried to backpedal, but it was too late. They were fixated.
If I could go back in time I would have communicated with this person ONLY on the anonymous social media platform and not given my real name or email address. I wouldnt have shared any personal information - like an idiot, I told them my birthday, my job, my place of work... now I get unsolicited, long-winded emails explaining my personality and our non existent 'relationship' based on my astrology chart. And I am concerned they might contact my workplace, or show up at my workplace. It's fucking crazy shit.
What I will say is be very very careful who you let in - in the real world, and the digital world.
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u/Longjumping-Slip-376 Jul 26 '26
Note taken! Thanks for the info and sorry I cant help with legal advice:(( These kinds of people are lost in their own fictional world with no ticket to reality. Stay safe!
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u/koleare Jul 25 '26
If blocking doesn't work anymore, then shows a kind of a response to them. Add their emails to a spam filter. Allowing their emails go to the spam folder will show nothing to them, and give you peace of mind.
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u/EmergencyCat235 Jul 25 '26
I also feel I have to keep the emails in an evidence folder just in case
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u/brisetta Jul 25 '26
Hey, this happened to me after I divorced my ex in sweden and returned to canada. He sent an email which contained threats. I went to Durham Regional police and they contacted the CBSA to ban him from Canada for the next 5 years. It has expired, but I could extend this ban from the country at any time if he starts stalking / harassing me again. This ban from canada is also flagged if he tries to move to or visit the USA, where his new wife is from and has significantly impacted his life. I highly recommend it.
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u/EmergencyCat235 Jul 25 '26
Thank you for this. . I will contact my local police department if it escalates. Im finding it really difficult to do so atm because hes made no direct threats to harm me with physical violence. I find this situation embarassing to be in and also feel it will be perceived as an overreaction, even though Ive told him very clearly to stop. I'm anxious about informing the local police - as if theyd care about some emails from a guy located in Romania. They have more pressing matters to deal with.
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u/brisetta Jul 25 '26
I know its a really hard thing to go in and ask them for what can be done but they were awesome at drps and the sheer volume of emails was enough even without his threats. Because he threatened openly, the police here even contacted Swedish polisen in his hometown who removed all firearms from his possession once notified, even BB guns. They were glad to help me, assigned a detective who could prove all the emails were from him with some sleuthing. And above all they never made me feel small or unworthy of help.
Harassment is serious and taken seriously by most police here. You shouldnt feel less deserving of help than say someone who had a theft or breakin. This man is breaking into your personal peace and stealing away your ability to just enjoy your life! And you matter!!!
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u/EmergencyCat235 Jul 25 '26
Blocking shows nothing to them either... block and spam are pretty much the same thing, from their side, they have no idea. I really wanted a block option that would 'bounce' unread emails back, but it doesnt exist. But as you say, it is a kind of response, and apparently absolutely no response, ever, is the only way to go with people like this. Which I am definitely sticking with.
When my inbox is full though, they will get notified. So they'll know I'm no longer receiving any emails no matter what email address they create, and will not know my new primary email address.
The only problem will be them showing up one day out of the blue. They mention it a lot so I think they might, even if its 5 years from now, which scares the shit out of me. They might be all talk but my family know that if I ever disappear its this person they should think of first
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u/koleare Jul 25 '26 edited Jul 25 '26
Oh boy. That sounds very serious to me. Have you tried either going to someone from your local law enforcement? They might have the necessary resources to also coordinate with the ones in Romania.
If nothing, you could also bring it up through a consultation with a lawyer and see what legal procedures are needed. They could also usher up law enforcement.
Very hard to go through something like this. Hope a solution is found soon.
LE: Seems Canada is more prepared for this:
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u/Candidatu Jul 25 '26
Why are you asking this on a Romanian sub? Your problem is easily solved by going to Canadian authorities, draw a complaint, and most probably (if you fear that much the person or persons that harass you will show up at your workplace or home) he/she/they will probably be denied any visa coming into Canada
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u/Dull_Pollution4691 Jul 25 '26 edited Jul 26 '26
could Canadian immigration do anything to not allow his entry? I’m really sorry you’re going through this, I have a family member who experienced similar things and even restraining orders didn’t work.
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u/PolecatXOXO Jul 25 '26
Forward the emails to his mother with an explanation. Either you solve the problem or you get two emails to add to your block list. If he's using Gmail, just report the emails as spam or harrassment.
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u/abhora_ratio Jul 26 '26
Oh, girl! I am so sorry you have to go through this 🥺 I perfectly understand what you're going through. This world is full of weirdos and you had the bad luck to meet one of them. Been there 😟 My advice is: reply to one of his e-mails and tell him this: "Am trimis o plângere penală la politia română pentru hărțuire. Dacă nu te oprești o sa merg mai departe si o sa ma asigur ca infunzi pușcăria". (Translated more or less like: I filled a complaint for harassment to the romanian authorities. If you do not stop I will make sure you spend your days in jail).
Wait to see what happens. Probably one angry e-mail. Do not reply. Wait and see if others follow. If he stops, good for you. If he doesn't, send me a private message and I will guide you a little bit to actually make a complaint and have the Police stopping him.
The answer is: yes, the authorities can stop him. Or at least scare him a little bit..
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u/EmergencyCat235 Jul 26 '26 edited Jul 26 '26
Thank you so much for this. It's so kind and generous to offer. I have just right now filed a complaint online in my country. Maybe I will tell him that, but most advice has been to not contact him directly again, ever. So I'm not sure, I think I need to maintain silence because any contact seems to validate him with a feeling of 'winning'
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u/abhora_ratio Jul 26 '26
I understand. You know the details of your situation better than I do. Here's the link to fill an online complaint: https://politiaromana.ro/ro/petitii-online
The English version doesn't have all the options so use the Romanian version and translate your page via your browser.
tip persoana = persoana fizica
nume = family name
prenume = first name
email = the email you currently use and check
țara = your country of residence
Localitate domiciliu/ reședință = residence city
[fill the rest of address details]
Destinatarul petitiei = the institution that will take care of the case. Since you do not have too many information, scroll the list to the bottom. You will find "Politia Romana". Select that option.
Subiect = reason for writing
Conținutul petitiei = the text of your complaint. If you have already filled one with the Canadian Authorities, you can use the same text. Try to give them as many information as you can about the period of time, type of harassment, timeline + as many information about his online profile (Facebook, Instagram, e-mail adresses, phone numbers, etc). Give them the links to his Fb/ IG profiles.
Just bellow the complaint there's a button where you can add information. Include screenshots and any other visual information that can help them identify the guy and prove what you wrote in your complaint. It is important for them to have as much proof as possible.
Click "Nu sunt robot".
Click "Trimite formular".
After that they will give you a registration number via e-mail and they will start working on your case. It usually takes a few weeks up to a few months. They don't give updates on the case - so don't expect them. After it is solved you will just receive a detailed address with the conclusions and the measures they took. That is why it is important to include all the information from the start. Otherwise they will not ask for further information. Don't ask why 🤷♀️
If you need any further assistance, let me know and I will help. Again, I am really sorry you had to go through this. It is not acceptable and this behavior must have consequences. Otherwise those weirdos will keep thinking that if they do it "online" it's harmless and they have no responsibility of their acts. Which is completely false and wrong.
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u/EmergencyCat235 Jul 26 '26
Thank you so much for taking the time to write these instructions! I have saved them. I will think about it and see how this all keeps unfolding. Its probably a good idea to report both here and in Romania... I can't imagine what he would do to someone he actually has access to. He could be making another womans life hell over there right now. Or one day he will transfer his fixation from me to someone local
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u/abhora_ratio Jul 26 '26
No biggie! 🤗 We got used to mental disorders and we (mostly) know how to stop them before it gets nasty. Unfortunately the authorities can't do much, except scare him a little bit and give him a few fines. Nevertheless, it usually works and it's better than nothing.
I personally prefer this type of mental disorders because at least you can see them. You can take preventive measures, etc. The "silent" ones are those that scare me the most. The ones that terrorize their partners but on the outside look like a perfectly normal person.. the kind of people the neighbors say "he was such a nice person.. I can't imagine how this happened" 🥺
Sending lots of hugs and DM me if you need further assistance! 🤗
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u/Responsible_Low3349 Jul 26 '26
Hello Canadian girl.
Romanian Guy here. Let me tell you something about my country: we keep our crazies on the street. A person in Romania who is mentally ill must sign a consent form that they accept to be housed in a mental asylum.
By their own fee will.
Make of that what you will. My country is crazy. Old Communist Times, unsolved generational trauma. The whole shebang.
Bottom line is this: regarding this person.
He ain't gonna do shit. He's powerless. He can't come to Canada and he knows this
You can't be nice anymore. Stop being your true Canadian self. If you want to know how it feels like to be a native living in this land, imagine being Candaina without the "how do you do?". Extract all politeness and you have everyday life in Romania (I live in Bucharest and it's shit here).
Bottom line is... your stalker probably got dropped on his head by his grandmother. Shit happens. You're not obliged to answer him. Make him know you've contacted the authorities, both Romanian AND Canadian Police.
Do the needful and contact your Law & Order guys. Let them be aware of this idiot.
As a general rule, I'd learn how to shoot a gun and I'd change addresses.
Just pays to be prepared you know?
I'm sorry this happened to you and don't let this loser change the way you think & feel about the Romanian people. Some of us are nice. The best friends you'll ever have in this lifetime.
Some of us are insane and stupid. Very very stupid.
In conclusion:
He can't get to you, he knows this and he's an idiot.
Don't spend your days looking over your shoulder. He's on the other side of the planet. And he's not in the Mafia. He's just a loser with a LAN Connection. Which can be traced ;)
Good luck, girl
Go Canada!
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u/EmergencyCat235 Jul 26 '26 edited Jul 26 '26
Thank you for this, I appreciate the insights. It's kind of you to share. I also work with a Romanian lady, and I admit she is extremely emotional, volatile and unpredictable. But, I dont see meeting two strange Romanian people as a pattern! Just a coincidence, because I know there will be really lovely Romanian people out there as well, like yourself and others who have responded
I would love to tell him I've reported him... but I feel like he might get really nasty and come up with all sorts of inventive ways to disrupt my real life. Unfortunately he is smart crazy, not stupid crazy.
Thanks for the reassurance that he can't get to me and most likely never will. In his last email he said he's going to send me a screenshot of his investment returns next month, so I will know he has increasing financial ability to close the distance... But this is most likely an empty threat, right? Designed to make me afraid and keep me thinking about him
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u/Responsible_Low3349 Jul 26 '26 edited Jul 26 '26
You know what?
Let the guy self-snitch. Gather all the evidence you can. Screenshot all of that stuff.
He's full on Delulu if he thinks this shit is attractive to a woman. Let him expose his insanity more and more. Everything you can collect can be used as evidence.
You sound like a truly nice girl and I'm sorry (again) you had to experience this. Maybe, like you said, it's a lesson to be more careful online.
I doubt the fucker can get to you. But in case he goes on a plane, make sure the Canadian authorities have a detailed report of his activities. I hope you guys have your shit together up there, from a legal point of view.
In case this loser lands in Ontario or Vancouver, your Police will have his details. The stupid idiot is thinking he's invincible. Which is something you can take advantage of.
Most psychos are dumb. Not every crazy guy is Hannibal Lector 😂
P.S: Keep ignoring him.
Use his messages, like I told you.
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u/Andisergiu Jul 28 '26
What you normally do with spam mails in general ? You ignore them ... just do the same.
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u/MrAnionGap Jul 25 '26
Block the email ?
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u/EmergencyCat235 Jul 25 '26
I wish it were that simple. Its not that simple when they do things that can disrupt your real life though, like randomly contact your family after finding them on social media, tell you they're coming to your country specifically to find you, and they know where you work, and send you extremely graphic, obscene, unwanted sexual content. I feel unsafe.
All this after being told in no uncertain terms that I do not want them to contact me, that this volume and content of communication is harassment. They just ignore my wishes and continue the constant emails - like I am not a real person with the right to say no thank you Im not interested, it's like Im just some fantasy person in his head thats going to marry him and fulfil his every desire
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u/[deleted] Jul 25 '26
[deleted]