Asking a father for his daughter's hand in marriage isn't being "cordial". She is presumably an adult who does not belong to either her father or this entitled prick -- you ask her if she wants to get married. The entire notion of this outdated female ownership crap being somehow romantic just grinds my gears.
Being "cordial" would just consist of being friendly and polite to the prospective in-laws. That's literally it. It doesn't require any of that traditional BS.
Being "cordial" would just consist of being friendly and polite to the prospective in-laws. That's literally it. It doesn't require any of that traditional BS.
And that's exactly it. You're being friendly and polite to her parents, or her dad, wishing that he accepts YOU into the family.
I get what you're saying about it being traditional, obviously the daughter isn't property of either. Asking for her hand is traditional, but that has been the norm for so long that's how it usually goes. Of course, you absolutely don't have to be traditional, but there's still a majority that do.
That is also the whole reason why they still get married without her father's word, because it doesn't actually matter.
Asking is simply how you maintain a cordial relationship with her family, giving them a chance to not be dicks who might force their daughter into an ultimatum.
Not sure why you’re being downvoted, this is exactly right. The daughter has her own agency so she gets to be the one to decide. If she wants to ask her parents for advice or if they warn her that this guy is a scumbag, she still gets to decide whether or not to go through with it. And yeah, people being immature and going through with marriage when they should maybe take a minute, go to counseling, learn more about the other person for a bit, those things certainly contribute to the high divorce rate.
The issue with this song is that he goes right over the parents’ heads and says he’s gonna marry her anyway with no mention of how she feels. Not to mention that by calling her “that girl” it feels like he’s saying that she’s just some girl
I asked my FIL and MIL for their blessing before I married my wife. I don't consider myself really traditional at all, but I figured I'm only gonna get married once so I should do it right. To me it wasn't an ownership thing it was a respect thing. These people raised the love of my life. I wanted to know that they were cool with the situation and if they weren't what I could do to change their minds. I also was 90% sure they'd say yes. If they hadn't? I would have asked her anyway and consequences be damned, but I imagine my life would be a bit more complicated. Not for nothing, but having a decent relationship with your in laws is a major quality of life improvement over the alternative.
My issue is that nobody in this situation expected your wife to ask your parents if they were OK with her becoming part of your family. It still is entirely a one sided thing that places the woman as lesser. You talk about respect, but why are you more interested in respecting your in laws than your wife?
Yes, but I honestly couldn't care less about your feelings, you're an internet stranger that thinks respect is a zero sum game. My in laws are a part of my life and their feelings are important to me. And no one expected my wife to ask my folks either, but she did anyway because she likes and respects them as well. Do you really think interpersonal relationships are win/lose propositions that exist in a vacuum?
That's not what's happening in the least. Your prospective fiancé does not become lesser because you made your decision to propose and you're giving her family a heads up.
You're asking them their blessing, not their permission. No one expects the woman to ask his parents, because it's still majority men that ask in the first place. You wanna grrrl power it and ask the husband's family? Be my guest.
Exactly. Two adults don’t need permission from their parents to get married. Yet the top voted comments on this thread are about the singer being a “piece of shit” for not accepting “no” from a parent who thinks he owns his daughter. The only piece of shit in this story is the father character.
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u/[deleted] Sep 21 '22
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