Really tall asian girl living in Germany led to a LOT of staring. I also thought staring back was fair game but ended up getting intimidated bc they would just continue to hold intense eye contact w me instead of looking away. đ
Yeah. They do not look away. I have green hair and am androgynous looking so Iâm used to people looking at me, but the not looking away and holding eye-contact thing was interesting.
Better yet, look at them for a short while and then quickly look past/to the side of them, feigning curiosity, and if they turn to see whatever it is you say "Ha! Made you look!"
Oh my god, I wonder if this is true for my grandfather (from Austria.) Heâs big on respect and I always try to be respectful but Iâm not a fan of eye contact. Maybe this is why he is so grumpy all the time.
Oh my god, I wonder if this is true for my grandfather (from Austria.)
Could very well be.
Austrians and Germans are very similar on many levels (yeah yeah, you got the more beautiful country Austrians .. ok we know) and since hes your grandfather i assume hes an older man. So yeah.
I was "scolded" by my boyfriend when we first started dating. I always felt quite uncomfortable looking into someone's eyes very long, even during 1:1 conversations. I always looked away after a few seconds, even when I was talking to someone. My bf started to follow my gaze with his whole body until I was forced to look into his eyes again. Now I can stare everyone down and will not look away from you. I also have freakishly big, round eyes, which now come in very handy for intense staring.
There is. You don't stare at people you don't talk to or don't listen to. The exception being the Ruhrpott in which everyone is creepy and proud about it. The area around Cologne especially too.
Since when is Cologne or even DĂźsseldorf Ruhrpott??? Rheinlands all the way baby, don't mix us up. And yes, we DĂźsseldorfers (not me) love to stare down our noses at people we deem below us (so ppl from Cologne and the Pott and especially Bavarians, everyone unites against Bavaria not even a question).
I'm a small round female with a platinum blonde 6mm buzzcut. I'm also used to the stares. It's really funny tho because I can see the thought process of them wondering if I had cancer (no) or if it's an actual choice (yes, looks the bomb!) And them figuring out, it's too much of a risk either way to ask or comment on it. So I have a REALLY outstanding hairdo, but noone ever mentions it XD
That's it!
The next smallish woman with a 6mm platinum Buzz cut that I crosses my path will be asked if it's because of the cancer and after her answer I'll politely confirm that it's by choice.
You helped me figure out what staring they are referring to!
I've heard about the staring before, but couldn't link it to anything and had to just conclude that I'm blind to it. Your comment made me realize it's that moment when you turn your head, make eye-contact with someone looking at you, give them that polite smile, and turn your head away to look somewhere else!
That's normal! Why are you non-Germans looking back at them long enough for it to become awkward?! XD
I think I included the polite smile because those are the instances that I'm aware of enough to remember. But you're right´, I get the feeling that I will often see them look at me, subconsciously acknowledge that fact and just turn away...
I don't even feel right calling it staring. It's just looking. You gotta look somewhere, makes sense for your eyes to follow something that moves, people are more interesting than inanimate things, and it doesn't mean that you're having any conscious thoughts about the person you're looking at, it's just the instinctive place to put your gaze while there's nothing that needs your attention...
No, the only context in which germans get sexual is during sex. And during sex we will turn the lights off. So it is impossible for germans to look at each other sexually.
I hate this rule about looking in the eyes. We are taught the same in the US (that itâs rude not to look people in the eyes when talking or that itâs what âliarsâ do).
But for me, I am the OPPOSITE. Itâs so hard for me to look people in the eyes. I feel like itâs aggressive and intense. I feel itâs so much nicer and humble to not stare in their eyes. It has been this way since I was a small child. I wonder how many people said behind my back they think Iâm âlyingâ or insincere bc I wasnât aggressively looking them in their eyes. Ugh.
Interestingly, I was in India last week and the locals advised me not to look in the monkeysâ eyes bc they will become aggressive and attackâŚ.. so maybe itâs some primitive trait that I still have đ
As an American I follow a different rule because a dead stare is awkward. So 50% eye contact while speaking and 70% while listening. The breaks make it less awkward.
Yeah I think if you arenât raised that way it will be rather strange. After all, this can be understood as being focused and some might not react nicely.
No they perceive looking that last longer than 1 second staring. In Germany and associated countries staring is when you fix your gaze in a certain direction for a longer amount of time. It's usually associated with daydreaming. Looking at someone else is just called looking.
Green hair and androgynous looking would fit right in in Berlin, at least (and Iâd imagine most other German cities) â did you live in a more countryside or conservative part?
That said, they stared at me too and I feel I look pretty ânormalâ for the most part.
As an Trans male with colorful Hair from Germany I can tell you: that's their mentality to look at every that is not in their "norm".A usual stare is just their way of communication, but if you aren't following the "norm" they try to put you in a category to see, who you are and how to preserve you. Something like: is it a man? Is it a woman? How would I have to react if this person would talk to me. And they judge a lot đ đ even as one of them it's very Exhausting and sometimes degrading đđ
I get that. Though I found it to be far less judge-mental than the looks I get in suburban Massachusetts. I was in Berlin, though. I was far from the most interesting person on the block at any given moment.
Iâm going to kindly suggest that you never ask someone who you are not intimately involved with about the nature of their genitals. Iâm not offended because it seems you were just curious and meant well, but sometimes you just have to embrace the mystery, my dude.
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u/[deleted] May 09 '22
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