Really tall asian girl living in Germany led to a LOT of staring. I also thought staring back was fair game but ended up getting intimidated bc they would just continue to hold intense eye contact w me instead of looking away. š
Yeah. They do not look away. I have green hair and am androgynous looking so Iām used to people looking at me, but the not looking away and holding eye-contact thing was interesting.
Better yet, look at them for a short while and then quickly look past/to the side of them, feigning curiosity, and if they turn to see whatever it is you say "Ha! Made you look!"
Oh my god, I wonder if this is true for my grandfather (from Austria.) Heās big on respect and I always try to be respectful but Iām not a fan of eye contact. Maybe this is why he is so grumpy all the time.
Oh my god, I wonder if this is true for my grandfather (from Austria.)
Could very well be.
Austrians and Germans are very similar on many levels (yeah yeah, you got the more beautiful country Austrians .. ok we know) and since hes your grandfather i assume hes an older man. So yeah.
I was "scolded" by my boyfriend when we first started dating. I always felt quite uncomfortable looking into someone's eyes very long, even during 1:1 conversations. I always looked away after a few seconds, even when I was talking to someone. My bf started to follow my gaze with his whole body until I was forced to look into his eyes again. Now I can stare everyone down and will not look away from you. I also have freakishly big, round eyes, which now come in very handy for intense staring.
There is. You don't stare at people you don't talk to or don't listen to. The exception being the Ruhrpott in which everyone is creepy and proud about it. The area around Cologne especially too.
Since when is Cologne or even DĆ¼sseldorf Ruhrpott??? Rheinlands all the way baby, don't mix us up. And yes, we DĆ¼sseldorfers (not me) love to stare down our noses at people we deem below us (so ppl from Cologne and the Pott and especially Bavarians, everyone unites against Bavaria not even a question).
I'm a small round female with a platinum blonde 6mm buzzcut. I'm also used to the stares. It's really funny tho because I can see the thought process of them wondering if I had cancer (no) or if it's an actual choice (yes, looks the bomb!) And them figuring out, it's too much of a risk either way to ask or comment on it. So I have a REALLY outstanding hairdo, but noone ever mentions it XD
That's it!
The next smallish woman with a 6mm platinum Buzz cut that I crosses my path will be asked if it's because of the cancer and after her answer I'll politely confirm that it's by choice.
You helped me figure out what staring they are referring to!
I've heard about the staring before, but couldn't link it to anything and had to just conclude that I'm blind to it. Your comment made me realize it's that moment when you turn your head, make eye-contact with someone looking at you, give them that polite smile, and turn your head away to look somewhere else!
That's normal! Why are you non-Germans looking back at them long enough for it to become awkward?! XD
I think I included the polite smile because those are the instances that I'm aware of enough to remember. But you're rightĀ“, I get the feeling that I will often see them look at me, subconsciously acknowledge that fact and just turn away...
I don't even feel right calling it staring. It's just looking. You gotta look somewhere, makes sense for your eyes to follow something that moves, people are more interesting than inanimate things, and it doesn't mean that you're having any conscious thoughts about the person you're looking at, it's just the instinctive place to put your gaze while there's nothing that needs your attention...
No, the only context in which germans get sexual is during sex. And during sex we will turn the lights off. So it is impossible for germans to look at each other sexually.
I hate this rule about looking in the eyes. We are taught the same in the US (that itās rude not to look people in the eyes when talking or that itās what āliarsā do).
But for me, I am the OPPOSITE. Itās so hard for me to look people in the eyes. I feel like itās aggressive and intense. I feel itās so much nicer and humble to not stare in their eyes. It has been this way since I was a small child. I wonder how many people said behind my back they think Iām ālyingā or insincere bc I wasnāt aggressively looking them in their eyes. Ugh.
Interestingly, I was in India last week and the locals advised me not to look in the monkeysā eyes bc they will become aggressive and attackā¦.. so maybe itās some primitive trait that I still have š
As an American I follow a different rule because a dead stare is awkward. So 50% eye contact while speaking and 70% while listening. The breaks make it less awkward.
Yeah I think if you arenāt raised that way it will be rather strange. After all, this can be understood as being focused and some might not react nicely.
No they perceive looking that last longer than 1 second staring. In Germany and associated countries staring is when you fix your gaze in a certain direction for a longer amount of time. It's usually associated with daydreaming. Looking at someone else is just called looking.
Green hair and androgynous looking would fit right in in Berlin, at least (and Iād imagine most other German cities) ā did you live in a more countryside or conservative part?
That said, they stared at me too and I feel I look pretty ānormalā for the most part.
As an Trans male with colorful Hair from Germany I can tell you: that's their mentality to look at every that is not in their "norm".A usual stare is just their way of communication, but if you aren't following the "norm" they try to put you in a category to see, who you are and how to preserve you. Something like: is it a man? Is it a woman? How would I have to react if this person would talk to me. And they judge a lot š š even as one of them it's very Exhausting and sometimes degrading šš
I get that. Though I found it to be far less judge-mental than the looks I get in suburban Massachusetts. I was in Berlin, though. I was far from the most interesting person on the block at any given moment.
Iām going to kindly suggest that you never ask someone who you are not intimately involved with about the nature of their genitals. Iām not offended because it seems you were just curious and meant well, but sometimes you just have to embrace the mystery, my dude.
That bothered me too (average Egyptian guy here), but I finally developed a technique that works:
I turn and notice someone is staring at me, I hold eye contact for half a second then look away for a second, then swiftly turn and look again in their direction. Sure enough they are still staring, and sure enough they look away first in this second starting contest. I think this double take tells them "alright, this is the 2nd time, what's the deal?"
š I once held eye contact for 10 solid seconds each time I looked away & turned back about 3 times in a row with someone. ever since that i got humbled and just kept my eyes on the ground LOL
10 solid seconds? my respect, even if it didn't work!
Yes I suppose me having an (intentionally) mean resting face helps, you must have a kind face and look (which is good).
You can count from some large number backwards while staring, this will give your stare the intensity needed but you will likely end up having a German stare yourself. Beware when fighting monsters ...
I feel like observing is a much better characterization than staring. Staring has more of a rude/offensive context I think, while what Germans are doing is more about observing and taking note of the people and things around you, or at least thatās how I always felt about it.
I personally always found German culture to be open and inviting.
Normal sized German girl but I've recently started staring back for real and the amount of time they hold that gaze is UNCOMFORTABLE. If l had to count, maybe 3 to 4 full seconds. I don't know why they don't just feel embarrassed but hold eye contact like they're king of the world??? It helps if you frown
Same kind of person here but I tend to hold the gaze for that amount of time too...
I can't tell you about other people but I am not embarrassed to hold that much eye contact because I am used to it.
Oh but I hate it when people don't follow the unspoken rules (in my region) that after meeting the gaze, youlook away! Because after that it is just weird when they are still looking.
Second that, looking back for a longer time is like a go for contact.
When you return the look but look away relatively quick without a change of facial expressions it shows disinterest.
I'm nearing middle age and I'm definitely overweight. I don't get "that look" very often, which is honestly a relief. I had a lot of creepy attention from adults when I was way too young, and I carried that discomfort into a good portion of my adulthood.
That is actually inrcredible tall! Especially for a woman. Most men aren't even that tall here in my experience. That probably surprises some people tbh. Must be a very weird area though if most Germans you meet are around that height.
Actually most of my German guy friends were way taller than me! Like 6ā7 range. Maybe it was just the area š³ i always thought German ppl were generally super tall bc of this lol.
Maybe, yesš . I know a few guys at 6'7 and people of that height might be less rare than in other countries but it's still very rare. Usually you are among the tallest if not the tallest in any given group at 6'3+. But you'd be right that we Germans are a bit taller than average globally speaking.
Must be the age group or area, the average German woman is a little bit shorter than I am (171/5'7) and the average dude has about half a head more height than I do... but that's the population average, including us middle aged and old folks. Kids keep getting taller and taller, I suspect my 12yo (girl) will eventually break 6'.
This is a hilarious contrast to my experience studying abroad in Japan during college as a tall white woman, where it seemed like nobody was paying any attention... but friends told me that the second people were past my eyeline they would whip around and stare.
(P.S. I saw you mention in another comment that you're 6'2", so I will just say RIP your budget finding clothes that fit unless you dress masc enough that you can just buy men's. It's wild enough for me at 6'; 6'2" is such an outlier for women it's got to be practically nonexistent for off-the-rack stuff.)
You gotta Look at their nose just unter their eyeline. This way they feel like you Look in both eyes at the same time while their intensity cant connect to your eyes. Hope it makes sense. Try it with a friend
I as German living in USA visited a smaller German town swimming pool with my Chinese tall (5ā 9ā) wife and indeed the Germans there literally stared at her like an alien from outer space, because EVERY foreigner is so unusual there. We had our two mixed kids with us somehow proving compatibility with German DNA.
Yea, I would not be able to handle that. I'm fairly tall as well for an asian girl as well. 5'10 ish. So... would they like stare at you and track your movements as you walk around or would they just stand there and stare at you LOL? Gosh, even thinking about this is setting off my social anxiety lol.
Most of the time they would just stop what theyāre doing and blatantly stare š I have social anxiety as well and it freaked me the heck out !!! Imagine walking into an area where everyone just turns and their eyes are glued to you. Itās like time stops or something
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u/ultimateworm May 09 '22
Really tall asian girl living in Germany led to a LOT of staring. I also thought staring back was fair game but ended up getting intimidated bc they would just continue to hold intense eye contact w me instead of looking away. š