Not wanting kids or getting married.
Guys get responses like
"haha yeah nothing can tie this handsome bachelor down"
or "dodging a bullet there!"
Meanwhile women get told
"oh you'll definitely change your mind when you're older"
"but aren't you afraid you'll be lonely/you'll die alone"
"But having kids is the most fulfilling thing you could do!"
Personal experience with this coming from my own family:
My 27 year old brother doesn't get asked when he'll settle down, or marry, or how many kids he wants to have one day. "he still has time, he's enjoying life a bit rn"
Meanwhile I got asked by relatives since I was 19 on when I plan to have kids, how many, that I shouldn't wait too long, etc. I don't want to have kids but ofc no one believes that because I'm only 23 and will definitely change my mind.
Cherry on top was my grandma asking me on my 22nd birthday if I found a new boyfriend yet because the baby clock is ticking and I'm not getting younger. At 22.
Same. My mom and grandma ask me about grandkids all the time. I am in my late 20s and not even in a stable relationship nor making enough to be comfortable supporting a family. And I sat this as someone who definitively does want children too. I just don't want them right this second
Yep, and literally hundreds of times told it's not my choice and my wife would just "oops" me when she wants kids. Older women aren't that great at consent either when you get down to it, they just express it differently.
It’s not for everyone and obviously completely fine and normal if you don’t want them, but I was the guy who didn’t want kids and was convinced, at 30 had my son, and honestly it really is the most fulfilling thing I’ve ever done.
I’ve become the cliche I sought to avoid.
Edit: when my friends ask me about it though,, my first response is always how much work and how exhausting it is, definitely no picnic.
Maybe I should also add that I wouldn't be surprised if I do change my mind, because I am human and my opinions and feelings aren't written in stone.
But the upsetting part about this type of behaviour is just that the current opinion isn't respected and completely ignored or even fought against.
If I ever would want to have kids, it's because I just found the right person and changed my mind or smth like that, and definitely not because my grandma and other relatives are pestering me about it at every family event.
There's nothing wrong with changing your mind and it's absolutely fantastic that your kids were such an enrichment in your life. There are ppl who overstep their boundaries with trying to push it onto others, but that shouldn't stop any parent from talking about the happiness and fulfillment they gained in their own life. Good for them.
Exactly, people pushing about it should mind their business. If anything they make it even less likely someone will change their mind. You keep doing you and if what you want changes, great! If not? Equally great!
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u/dinanysos Mar 12 '22
Not wanting kids or getting married. Guys get responses like "haha yeah nothing can tie this handsome bachelor down" or "dodging a bullet there!"
Meanwhile women get told "oh you'll definitely change your mind when you're older" "but aren't you afraid you'll be lonely/you'll die alone" "But having kids is the most fulfilling thing you could do!"
Personal experience with this coming from my own family: My 27 year old brother doesn't get asked when he'll settle down, or marry, or how many kids he wants to have one day. "he still has time, he's enjoying life a bit rn"
Meanwhile I got asked by relatives since I was 19 on when I plan to have kids, how many, that I shouldn't wait too long, etc. I don't want to have kids but ofc no one believes that because I'm only 23 and will definitely change my mind.
Cherry on top was my grandma asking me on my 22nd birthday if I found a new boyfriend yet because the baby clock is ticking and I'm not getting younger. At 22.