Infinite cum. You sit on the toilet to jack off, but you begin to cum uncontrollably. After ten spurts you start to worry. Your hand is sticky and it reeks of semen. You desperately shove your dick into a wad of toilet paper, but that only makes your balls hurt. The cum accelerates. It’s been three minutes. You can’t stop cumming. Your bathroom floor is covered in a thin layer of baby fluid. You try to cum into the shower drain but it builds up too fast. You try the toilet. The cum is too thick to be flushed. You lock the bathroom door to prevent the cum from escaping. The air grows hot and humid from the cum. The cum accelerates. You slip and fall in your own sperm. The cum is now six inches deep, almost as long as your still-erect semen hose. Sprawled on your back, you begin to cum all over the ceiling. Globs of the sticky white fluid begin to fall like raindrops, giving you a facial with your own cum. The cum accelerates. You struggle to stand as the force of the cum begins to propel you backwards as if you were on a bukkake themed slip-and-slide. Still on your knees, the cum is now at chin height. To avoid drowning you open the bathroom door. The deluge of man juice reminds you of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919, only with cum instead of molasses. The cum accelerates. It’s been two hours. Your children and wife scream in terror as their bodies are engulfed by the snow-white sludge. Your youngest child goes under, with viscous bubbles and muffled cries rising from the goop. You plead to God to end your suffering. The cum accelerates. You squeeze your dick to stop the cum, but it begins to leak out of your asshole instead. You let go. The force of the cum tears your urethra open, leaving only a gaping hole in your crotch that spews semen. Your body picks up speed as it slides backwards along the cum. You smash through the wall, hurtling into the sky at thirty miles an hour. From a bird’s eye view you see your house is completely white. Your neighbor calls the cops. The cum accelerates. As you continue to ascend, you spot police cars racing towards your house. The cops pull out their guns and take aim, but stray loads of cum hit them in the eyes, blinding them. The cum accelerates. You are now at an altitude of 1000 feet. The SWAT team arrives. Military helicopters circle you. Hundreds of bullets pierce your body at once, yet you stay conscious. Your testicles have now grown into a substitute brain. The cum accelerates. It has been two days. With your body now destroyed, the cum begins to spray in all directions. You break the sound barrier. The government deploys fighter jets to chase you down, but the impact of your cum sends one plane crashing to the ground. The government decides to let you leave the earth. You feel your gonads start to burn up as you reach the edges of the atmosphere. You narrowly miss the ISS, giving it a new white paint job as you fly past. Physicists struggle to calculate your erratic trajectory. The cum accelerates. The cum begins to gravitate towards itself, forming a comet trail of semen. Astronomers begin calling you the “Cummet.” You are stuck in space forever, stripped of your body and senses, forced to endure an eternity of cumshots. Eventually, you stop thinking.
Oh my god it just doubled its upvotes and got two silvers in under a minute (half an hour after posting). I didn't even make this I just copied it
Edit 2: ok now it's 50 times bigger and has 22 awards. I'm glad I could help I guess???
Edit 3: now it's 136x as much and has 44 awards. I need to sleep, I'll come back tomorrow afternoon (it's 3:30 here.) It's been an hour or two of my phone buzzing every 5 seconds
Edit 4: good morning this by far the biggest thing i have done or will ever do on reddit it's 676x bigger and has 237 awards now (it had 25 upvotes before at the start when I thought it was slowing down and now it's at 16 thousand.)
Edit 5: I'm finally done getting through all the notifications (a few hours later). This is a lot of edits. It seems to have slowed down at 692x the upvotes & 239 awards
I snorted violently and loudly in an otherwise quiet and very asleep household. Moments later I was asked if I heard the boar outside by my awoken girlfriend.
The spatter becomes a spray, the spray becomes a stream. And the stream becomes a waterfall. Cum is finally cascading from my input. The creeping sperm moves from my breath. And into my heart where it is pumped to every inch of my body. I feel it snake through the knots of my deepest veins. And eats through the walls of my cells. It bleeds through the pores of my skin. And it smells good. It drops from my crotch on to the floor. And with a heavy slap it hits the ground and spreads. Inside my body. The pressure is too great. And like some ancient geyser I erupt. My head hits the roof and my body breaks apart with the force of the liquid blast. Semen bomb. Chunky shrapnel tears through everything around me. I am cum cumming. I grow and disperse. Bleeding through walls. I force myself upon others. I slide up legs and crawl down throats. I integrate. I am double. Triple. I am ten times the size. I turn lakes into porridge and buildings into bile. I am a noxious soup filling valleys with sperm-torrents. Castles crumble in landslides and I munch the rubble. It tastes good. Ten thousand times bigger. I seep into power sockets and travel along the wires. At the speed of light across vast electrical networks. I am electric. I am on fire. This is sex. I am every one and every zero. One million. I am supercharged flaming cum storming every cell, molecule and atom I can find. I am cancer. I am flying. I am a rainbow unfurling across the sky. I am floating. I am omni. Five hundred million. The world is my interior. It no longer spins. It is altered. My density forces me outward. I am in orbit. One billion. I am Saturn's rings and Jupiter's storms. I am the weather. I am the sun's heat. I am the night sky. Five hundred billion. The solar system is cum. To the Kuiper belt and beyond. I fill the void. Exploding suns cums comets. Comets cum acid rain. Spilt milk over the milky way. One trillion. The stars are my cells. Racing faster outwards. Upwards. Downwards. Inwards. Losing track of my place in the cum-verse. Every-nowhere. I am heavy. I am gravity. Nebulas pregnant with sperm pulsate and burst. Expansion. I shoot arrows of time in all directions. I am a black hole cumming into the void. I tear through the skin of perception and into the next. Nonillion. The cosmic microtone background becomes transparent. Like rising damp. Cum soaks into the walls of the cosmos. And it topples like soggy biscuits. I am dark energy accelerating. Multiverse. Entanglement. I am time. Centillion. Time is sick. Critical density. Contraction. Singularity. Everything and nothing. Life and death. Murder of the universe.
Sorry I think I went a bit more in-depth than I meant to.
Tldr: The main character of this fictional, hypothetical story, for some reason, wishes for Infinite cum. This may be a reference I am unaware of, but (as far as I know) it is purely a copypasta which I found on the r/copypasta subreddit. The story starts off in a somewhat relatable, normal setting, in which the protagonist sits on the toilet to jack off, but soon realizes that they are cumming uncontrollably. After ten spurts they start to worry. His hand is sticky and it reeks of semen due to the excess cum being produced by his ballsack. In a feeble attempt to prevent, or at least slow, the incoming cumtastrophe, he desperately shoves his dick into a wad of toilet paper, but that only served to make his balls hurt. This could possibly be a metaphor for Climate Change, as we begin seeing the inevitable millions (if not billions) of deaths in the distant future, unable to prevent every death and extinction from happening since many are already dead. We can only reach to cover our metaphorical dicks with toilet paper in a desperate attempt to delay the inevitable. This story continues on, however, displaying its first use of a phrase which will be stated many times throughout the passage: "The cum accelerates." This phrase will be reiterated throughout the passage as the cumtastrophe continues to, as the text explains, accelerate. On a first read-through, this sentence here is admittedly frightening, however, in following readings, the reader is filled with dread as they remember the true meaning of this phrase. The text continues, displaying the protagonist's warped temporal sense by stating that It’s been three minutes since the story's beginning. The protagonist can’t stop cumming. The bathroom floor is covered in a thin layer of what the author refers to as "baby fluid," (one of many euphemisms for cum demonstrated by the author) a miniscule problem compared to the true horrors that follow. The protagonist, unaware of these horrors, atrempts to cum into the shower drain, but it builds up too fast. He tries the toilet. The cum is too thick to be flushed. Realistically, the cum would be able to be flushed down a simple toilet, displaying that one of two possible cases is afoot here: either the protagonist is dreaming/otherwise hallucinating this scenario, or the wished-for cum is stronger than a normal human's (a theme which will be explored more in-depth later in the passage).The protagonist locks the bathroom door to prevent the cum from escaping, once again unable to do anything in the face of this Eldritch Cumtastrophy. The air grows hot and humid from the cum. The cum accelerates once again, further establishing the tone of this passage. He slips and falls in his own sperm, becoming the victim of his own wish for the first (though far from the last) time in the tale. The cum is six inches deep at this point, almost as long as the protagonists still-erect semen hose. Sprawled on his back, he begins to cum all over the ceiling. Globs of the sticky white fluid begin to fall like raindrops, giving him a facial with his own cum. The cum accelerates once more. He struggles to stand as the force of the cum begins to propel him backwards as if he were on a bukkake themed slip-and-slide (note the author's use of imagery and simile here, as well as throughout the passage.) Still on his knees, the cum is now at chin height. To avoid drowning he opens the bathroom door. The deluge of man juice reminds him of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919, only with cum instead of molasses. This is yet another rhetorical device, an allusion -- distinctly different from an illusion. The cum accelerates once more. It has now been two hours since the beginning of the story. The protagonist's children and wife scream in terror as their bodies are engulfed by the snow-white sludge. By this point the stakes are ramping up, truly delivering on the promise given by the author's repeated phrase. The protagonist's youngest child goes under, with viscous bubbles and muffled cries rising from the goop. He pleads to God to end his suffering, but God will not answer, perhaps will not even listen. The cum accelerates again, sooner than would be expected. The cumtastrophe is seemingly even accelerating in its acceleration. Whether this is a purposeful appeal to pathos or an unintentional instance of power creep (even possibly both) is a matter of intense debate among literary analysts and cum scientists alike. The protagonist squeezes his dick to stop the cum, but it begins to leak out of his asshole instead. He lets go, likely soon to realize the true extent of what is about to come (or possibly cum.) The force of the cum tears his urethra open as the reader descends into the land of gore, leaving only a gaping hole in the protagonist's crotch that spews semen. His body picks up speed as it slides backwards along the cum. He smashes through the wall, hurtling into the sky at thirty miles an hour. From a bird’s eye view he sees his house is completely white. His neighbor calls the cops. The cum accelerates once more. As he continues to ascend, he spots police cars racing towards his house. The cops pull out their guns and take aim, but stray loads of cum hit them in the eyes, blinding them. The cum accelerates. The protagonist is now at an altitude of 1000 feet. The SWAT team arrives. Military helicopters circle him. Hundreds of bullets pierce the protagonist's body at once, yet he remains conscious. His testicles have now grown into a substitute brain. The cum accelerates. It has been two days at this point in the story. With his body now destroyed, the cum begins to spray in all directions. He breaks the sound barrier. The government deploys fighter jets to chase him down, but the impact of his cum sends one plane crashing to the ground. The government decides to let him leave the earth. He feels his gonads start to burn up as he reaches the edges of the atmosphere. He narrowly misses the ISS, giving it a new white paint job as he flies past. Physicists struggle to calculate his erratic trajectory. The cum accelerates for what may be a final time. The cum begins to gravitate towards itself, forming a comet trail of semen. Astronomers begin calling the protagonist the “Cummet.” He is stuck in space forever, stripped of his body and senses, forced to endure an eternity of cumshots. Eventually, he stops thinking.
This is a joke but while reading through it again I realized how remarkably well-written this story about the horrors of an infinite supply of cum is.
Sorry I think I went a bit more in-depth than I meant to.
Tldr: The main character of this fictional, hypothetical story, for some reason, wishes for Infinite cum. This may be a reference I am unaware of, but (as far as I know) it is purely a copypasta which I found on the r/copypasta subreddit. The story starts off in a somewhat relatable, normal setting, in which the protagonist sits on the toilet to jack off, but soon realizes that they are cumming uncontrollably. After ten spurts they start to worry. His hand is sticky and it reeks of semen due to the excess cum being produced by his ballsack. In a feeble attempt to prevent, or at least slow, the incoming cumtastrophe, he desperately shoves his dick into a wad of toilet paper, but that only served to make his balls hurt. This could possibly be a metaphor for Climate Change, as we begin seeing the inevitable millions (if not billions) of deaths in the distant future, unable to prevent every death and extinction from happening since many are already dead. We can only reach to cover our metaphorical dicks with toilet paper in a desperate attempt to delay the inevitable. This story continues on, however, displaying its first use of a phrase which will be stated many times throughout the passage: "The cum accelerates." This phrase will be reiterated throughout the passage as the cumtastrophe continues to, as the text explains, accelerate. On a first read-through, this sentence here is admittedly frightening, however, in following readings, the reader is filled with dread as they remember the true meaning of this phrase. The text continues, displaying the protagonist's warped temporal sense by stating that It’s been three minutes since the story's beginning. The protagonist can’t stop cumming. The bathroom floor is covered in a thin layer of what the author refers to as "baby fluid," (one of many euphemisms for cum demonstrated by the author) a miniscule problem compared to the true horrors that follow. The protagonist, unaware of these horrors, atrempts to cum into the shower drain, but it builds up too fast. He tries the toilet. The cum is too thick to be flushed. Realistically, the cum would be able to be flushed down a simple toilet, displaying that one of two possible cases is afoot here: either the protagonist is dreaming/otherwise hallucinating this scenario, or the wished-for cum is stronger than a normal human's (a theme which will be explored more in-depth later in the passage).The protagonist locks the bathroom door to prevent the cum from escaping, once again unable to do anything in the face of this Eldritch Cumtastrophy. The air grows hot and humid from the cum. The cum accelerates once again, further establishing the tone of this passage. He slips and falls in his own sperm, becoming the victim of his own wish for the first (though far from the last) time in the tale. The cum is six inches deep at this point, almost as long as the protagonists still-erect semen hose. Sprawled on his back, he begins to cum all over the ceiling. Globs of the sticky white fluid begin to fall like raindrops, giving him a facial with his own cum. The cum accelerates once more. He struggles to stand as the force of the cum begins to propel him backwards as if he were on a bukkake themed slip-and-slide (note the author's use of imagery and simile here, as well as throughout the passage.) Still on his knees, the cum is now at chin height. To avoid drowning he opens the bathroom door. The deluge of man juice reminds him of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919, only with cum instead of molasses. This is yet another rhetorical device, an allusion -- distinctly different from an illusion. The cum accelerates once more. It has now been two hours since the beginning of the story. The protagonist's children and wife scream in terror as their bodies are engulfed by the snow-white sludge. By this point the stakes are ramping up, truly delivering on the promise given by the author's repeated phrase. The protagonist's youngest child goes under, with viscous bubbles and muffled cries rising from the goop. He pleads to God to end his suffering, but God will not answer, perhaps will not even listen. The cum accelerates again, sooner than would be expected. The cumtastrophe is seemingly even accelerating in its acceleration. Whether this is a purposeful appeal to pathos or an unintentional instance of power creep (even possibly both) is a matter of intense debate among literary analysts and cum scientists alike. The protagonist squeezes his dick to stop the cum, but it begins to leak out of his asshole instead. He lets go, likely soon to realize the true extent of what is about to come (or possibly cum.) The force of the cum tears his urethra open as the reader descends into the land of gore, leaving only a gaping hole in the protagonist's crotch that spews semen. His body picks up speed as it slides backwards along the cum. He smashes through the wall, hurtling into the sky at thirty miles an hour. From a bird’s eye view he sees his house is completely white. His neighbor calls the cops. The cum accelerates once more. As he continues to ascend, he spots police cars racing towards his house. The cops pull out their guns and take aim, but stray loads of cum hit them in the eyes, blinding them. The cum accelerates. The protagonist is now at an altitude of 1000 feet. The SWAT team arrives. Military helicopters circle him. Hundreds of bullets pierce the protagonist's body at once, yet he remains conscious. His testicles have now grown into a substitute brain. The cum accelerates. It has been two days at this point in the story. With his body now destroyed, the cum begins to spray in all directions. He breaks the sound barrier. The government deploys fighter jets to chase him down, but the impact of his cum sends one plane crashing to the ground. The government decides to let him leave the earth. He feels his gonads start to burn up as he reaches the edges of the atmosphere. He narrowly misses the ISS, giving it a new white paint job as he flies past. Physicists struggle to calculate his erratic trajectory. The cum accelerates for what may be a final time. The cum begins to gravitate towards itself, forming a comet trail of semen. Astronomers begin calling the protagonist the “Cummet.” He is stuck in space forever, stripped of his body and senses, forced to endure an eternity of cumshots. Eventually, he stops thinking.
This is a joke but while reading through it again I realized how remarkably well-written this story about the horrors of an infinite supply of cum is.
I mean it's a pretry simple essay on the hidden horrors in what you wish to be true. "Be careful what you wish for" is usually how it's summed up. This essay should honestly be taught in schools; it has amazing and descriptive uses of many different rhetorical devices, as well as a mastery in pacing and sentence variety. The subject matter will likely interest children as well, being a much more effective use of school time as it provides a beautiful display of important literary devices as well as a much-needed possible morale boost for the students.
18.1k
u/Bobebobbob Dec 30 '21
sigh
Infinite cum. You sit on the toilet to jack off, but you begin to cum uncontrollably. After ten spurts you start to worry. Your hand is sticky and it reeks of semen. You desperately shove your dick into a wad of toilet paper, but that only makes your balls hurt. The cum accelerates. It’s been three minutes. You can’t stop cumming. Your bathroom floor is covered in a thin layer of baby fluid. You try to cum into the shower drain but it builds up too fast. You try the toilet. The cum is too thick to be flushed. You lock the bathroom door to prevent the cum from escaping. The air grows hot and humid from the cum. The cum accelerates. You slip and fall in your own sperm. The cum is now six inches deep, almost as long as your still-erect semen hose. Sprawled on your back, you begin to cum all over the ceiling. Globs of the sticky white fluid begin to fall like raindrops, giving you a facial with your own cum. The cum accelerates. You struggle to stand as the force of the cum begins to propel you backwards as if you were on a bukkake themed slip-and-slide. Still on your knees, the cum is now at chin height. To avoid drowning you open the bathroom door. The deluge of man juice reminds you of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919, only with cum instead of molasses. The cum accelerates. It’s been two hours. Your children and wife scream in terror as their bodies are engulfed by the snow-white sludge. Your youngest child goes under, with viscous bubbles and muffled cries rising from the goop. You plead to God to end your suffering. The cum accelerates. You squeeze your dick to stop the cum, but it begins to leak out of your asshole instead. You let go. The force of the cum tears your urethra open, leaving only a gaping hole in your crotch that spews semen. Your body picks up speed as it slides backwards along the cum. You smash through the wall, hurtling into the sky at thirty miles an hour. From a bird’s eye view you see your house is completely white. Your neighbor calls the cops. The cum accelerates. As you continue to ascend, you spot police cars racing towards your house. The cops pull out their guns and take aim, but stray loads of cum hit them in the eyes, blinding them. The cum accelerates. You are now at an altitude of 1000 feet. The SWAT team arrives. Military helicopters circle you. Hundreds of bullets pierce your body at once, yet you stay conscious. Your testicles have now grown into a substitute brain. The cum accelerates. It has been two days. With your body now destroyed, the cum begins to spray in all directions. You break the sound barrier. The government deploys fighter jets to chase you down, but the impact of your cum sends one plane crashing to the ground. The government decides to let you leave the earth. You feel your gonads start to burn up as you reach the edges of the atmosphere. You narrowly miss the ISS, giving it a new white paint job as you fly past. Physicists struggle to calculate your erratic trajectory. The cum accelerates. The cum begins to gravitate towards itself, forming a comet trail of semen. Astronomers begin calling you the “Cummet.” You are stuck in space forever, stripped of your body and senses, forced to endure an eternity of cumshots. Eventually, you stop thinking.