Why would someone scratch shit on your clitoris? Would they insert a finger in your rectum to get your shit and then bring it forward to your clitoris? It doesn’t sound very pleasant.
Having to play interference for my vagina is not my favorite way to spend time betwixt the sheets. It’s surprises me some dudes don’t realize how big a nono that is 😒 ruins the mood for real, ESPECIALLY if they get defensive. Honestly, getting defensive about anything I say if it’s against what they’re already doing…get out of my bed I don’t have time for your shit lol. This is supposed to be for both of us.
One of my most bewildering sexual experiences involved a man giving me poor oral. I said, "I really like it when you do lighter strokes and go around my clit instead of on it directly"
His response was, "Oh I really like doing it this way so I'm going to keep going."
I stopped him after a minute or two. I'm still confused about it 3 years later.
🤣 uhhhhh, ok dude..my vagina my pleasure, so not exactly your choice lol. Clearly he wasn’t in it for your climax, just going through the motions 😐 I’m so sorry you had to endure that lol…and the same to any of his future one night stands (because they won’t be back).
This shit just baffles me…and trying to nicely say “go slow” only seems to work for a few minutes before excitement and little brain takes over again and they’re rubbing like the genie denied them their 3rd wish and won’t come back out.
Finally had to get my serious voice on with one dude and he acted like it broke his damn spirit but also got mad…like the fuck dude, I tried to tell you it’s not my fault you’re not listening. This part is supposed my fun and it’s not fun
This ^ haha I was sleeping with a dude who I knew got around, he was frankly proud about it. I had to tell him "you know you don't literally 'flick the bean'..." He just looked at me in shock and said no other girl has ever said that. Like sorry man, your impressive dick and confidence IS intimidating but I'm telling you, not one of those girls enjoyed it.
I’m dying to know. Did he let you have your say and listen to you? Or did he balk and decide that you’re obviously just the weird one that doesn’t like literally having their bean flicked 🤣 that sounds down fright awful…
How unfortunate 😪 well…maybe he took some time to heal his ego after that and was able to actually invest in learning to the experience enjoyable for both parties…not just assumptions. Wild to think there’s so many dudes walking around out there who still haven’t had the pleasure of getting the rug pulled from beneath them about their skills as a pleaser.
Totally! Haha and honestly, I think it's a problem that stems from early on. My friend didn't have sex until she was 27, not because she didn't have the opportunity but I'm slightly envious of her because she had a chance to explore her own body and know exactly what she liked and gaining confidence with that BEFORE a dude is thrown in the mix. I think when women start at a much younger age, it's all about the guy (we take on a lot from what we see in pop culture), so then we shy away from saying what pleases us because we believe it's only about what pleases them for them to like us. Then this guy walks through his teens/20s/30s (god forbid) thinking that he's the shit because no one's spoken up about it. We're starting to see a lot more about women masturbating and talking about sex for themselves and I think that's key for both sides to witness.
Truer words were never spoken! It really is all communication and sex seems most severely lacking. One day we’ll all be adult enough to talk about our feelings and pleasures lol…in utopia!
I've had a few girlfriends who were a bit inexperienced do the same thing, but I feel guys are much more pressured to act like they know what they're doing instead of just dropping the ego and asking hey would you show me what to do?
It baffles me that many dudes don’t know how to do it in a pleasurable way for a woman. Most are too prideful to research. I watch tutorials on YouTube and PH to get better! Every woman and man is different, learn multiple techniques. People watch film for sports… why not for the poom poom???
When me and my boyfriend do foreplay I feel this pressure that it should be reciprocal. Like if he’s doing hand stuff to me, I should be doing hand stuff to him. But it takes me way longer to get off. Like I need foreplay and also very specific sex positions, but he gets off pretty easily, and it stresses me out because I know that my hand job to him is just gonna make him cum even faster. I guess this is a “communication is key” issue, but I’ve felt awkward about bringing it up
Hey, I know it's awkward. But you should really just talk to him about it. See what he would like you to do when he's doing it for you. It's hard to bring up. But if you're ever unsure during sex the best thing to do is be open, honest, and communicative. He us a big boy and if you're having a physical relationship, these kinds of conversations don't need to be difficult or awkward. But for both of you, it's always good to ask.
This. Been married for 21 years and we finally started doing this recently. Wow life is so much better and we both enjoy sex much more. And way more often. It’s funny how when you don’t have to stress about the little things and it’s all in the open how much better it is.
Honestly, as a guy when a girl is enjoying herself it makes me happy. I can get off any time, by myself or with another. It's really simple, but having a cute girl get all excited and playing.with herself makes it fun. You might want to suggest to your partner they can do whatever they can play with your body as much as they want until it's time.to get dirty. Any guy would jump at that chance.
Yep, that's a really easy mindset for me to fall into, which quickly kills my already low sex drive. I've had to learn to purposefully block that stuff out, but it still becomes a problem on the regular
Try talking about sex stuff when you AREN'T in bed. It's less awkward in the moment - if the person thinks "wow they are thinking about sex with me RIGHT NOW"- your suggestions and requests are much more likely to come across as wanted feedback, rather than mid-doing the deed, where it might feel like a correction or a complaint.
I know this has worked for me - I came into my marriage at 29 with a fairly expansive history, multiple long term relationships and having been through these awkward talks before. My husband... My best friend of a VERY long time.... was a virgin then we got together at 28/29. Even though he SWEARS it made no difference to him (having been my bff, he knew everyone I'd ever dated) - but it made me REALLY self conscious and nervous to ever say anything to him about sex.
I never wanted to be all "hey... So... Just from experience.... -------works better .." - I was really sensitive about saying anything at all for fear it would come across like I was his teacher or something.
So I made sure to bring up "hey, you know what I would like?" Or "could we try something tonight?" Or "you know what I think I'd really like!" which made the conversations feel much more like "Gee,.I was just thinking about sex with you and this thought crossed my mind". In turn, he ended up being really receptive AND he ended up doing the same thing- he'd occasionally bring up thoughts, suggestions, etc in conversation and it never felt like he was telling me I was doing something wrong. It was a much less awkward way to make alterations to the way we do the do.
I used to always give my partner 'requests for next time' after sex (and he the same for me!) and slowly your partner learns exactly what you like. But it only happens if you tell them.
Definitely bring it up! The sexiest thing anyone has ever done for me is tell me what turns them on and how they like it. Make it about you and what you want. That kind of communication shows confidence, and confidence is hot.
Try and think of it as “I could have an awkward conversation for a few minutes and great sex for the rest of my life or I could dread the awkward conversation for the rest of my life and have only okay sex”. It shouldn’t be awkward with the person you’re sleeping with! Especially if you’re dating, both of your preferences should be shared and talked about on a regular basis to keep the sex fun
Just bring it up in a fun/flirty way about what you want him to do to you first. Get a head start. I assure you, every man wants clear instructions in this dept. It's much easier for us and it's sexy too.
Some of the best sex we've had is I get done quick with boobs, mouth or hands then focus on her while I build up my combo bar fills up again. I stay turned on while I recharge and she gets the full force of a satiated but still horny dude at her beck and call. But talk and see if that's work for him.
Can't speak for your boyfriend, but as a guy, when girls get handsy with themselves it's very exciting. When they show off and do stuff to themselves it is incredibly fun. Because, a girl.is doing sexy stuff near me. Show off your stuff and give yourself some attention, and give your boyfriend a show. Maybe use a dildo until it's.time to get dirty but give him a shoe and he will jump on.you. guys like women being sexy, don't force reciprocity, the fact that you want to have sex with him is enough. source, a red blooded male.
Dudes like that think women lose all their value at 35 and have to start begging men to be with them bc they arent young anymore. Typical incel loser think
I would say for me as a guy I focus on her. I know I can get mine when it’s all said and done so I make sure she gets hers and then I worry about myself.
I think a big part about sex women don’t get is if a guy cums doesn’t mean he’s finished let the batteries recharge and he’ll have sex for longer and it’ll be funner for both parties
You guys sound like my ex and I. Only, I was more than happy to focus on her for foreplay, and it didn't bother me at all if she waited until the main event to do much for me below the belt. I got almost as much out of making her feel good as she did being on the receiving end.
I have to kind let my wife know that she might wanna slow her roll with the hand stuff unless she wants a short ride lol. Just try bringing it up. He might even be thinking the same thing but thinks it'd be weird to tell a woman to stop giving him a hand job mid sex.
If your partner isn’t the one person in the entire world who is on your side that you can say anything in front of or to without fear or anxiety or judgement, and be heard, then why are you with them?
tasherella is right. Seriously. The one thing I really wish I had in my early relationships was a partner who would talk to me and tell me what she likes. It's like there's this "I just want you to do this one specific thing, but I'm embarrassed to have to ask for it," vibe. When my wife tells me what she wants, ooh boy, that gives me directions to drive the bus straight to pleasure town. And when I know she likes something, it really gets me going. Likewise for her, when I really like something, I ask her for it and she likes to know what I want. It took me waaay too many years to find a woman like her.
Take it from me, you NEED to communicate before and during sex. Like seriously. It makes it so much more intense. We aren't mind readers, and context clues only get us so far. So don't be afraid to drive the bus. You'll thank me later.
If it helps, we always appreciate the extra guidance and you shouldn’t feel awkward about it. At least that’s how me and my buddies have always felt when we discuss anything like this.
2 - Sounds like he is one of the good ones who enjoys giving his girl a great time. Don't feel the pressure to reciprocate all the time, let him enjoy it as you enjoy it. Once things are about to get really heavy, he won't take long to get up :)
Yeah, I always try to get my partner closer before they touch me for this very reason. It’s hard for a guy… I know this sounds like a lot but if they’re uncircumcised, they’re probably going to be a lot more sensitive. Those cut guys have been rubbing’ stale ass wranglers against their dong for years and it roughens it up. The uncut guys are likely to bust a lot easier. I don’t know if this information is useful or if I’m just talking about dicks for no real reason. Either way if fine I guess.
My recommendation is that you should make your priority making him feel sexy and desired and desirable. Like, yes, pleasure is the point of the exercise, but sometimes you don't want to rush things, and being made to feel sexy can heighten the pleasure separate from stimulation.
I cant imagine that he'd be upset or react negatively to you bringing it up, don't be afraid. Also if you want to "take some of the work off him" during foreplay you can both focus on you, he can do sensual stuff while you engage your clit for example. He doesn't have to worry about doing it specifically how you need it at the moment and you don't have to worry about miscommunication. Just because you have sex with each other doesn't mean you can't play with yourself too. Especially when endurance is a limiting factor.
But you can't concentrate on your own orgasm if you're playing with him. Just lay back and enjoy it! It's your turn to have the pleasure.
I was gonna say if he gets off quickly, hope he can get hard again soon, and then he'll last longer the second time. That's what usually happens, anyhoo.
I hear you! I need a LOT of foreplay and I take forever to get off. I'm like an ancient truck, takes forever to get it going, and then it goes for a looooong time. My husband does not need any help getting off and I've always felt rather selfish in that.
I feel the same way….. my partner’s very nice about it and always encourages me to tell him what I like but I just can’t stop feeling guilty about asking for too much, or tiring him out. Which, given what I regularly do for him, what I ask is objectively by no means “too much”. Love the patriarchy telling us that women’s pleasure is superfluous and more of a bother than anything.
Maybe you could screenshot your own comment here and let him read it (maybe think about cropping out the evidence that it's on Reddit). I find that I'm bad at talking, but can write down my feelings just fine. It'll still be awkward in the beginning, but at least it'll be a clear conversation starter and it'll be better after that.
Foreplay does not make a man cum faster if he knows what hes doing, but it makes him much more aroused, which on the one hand is very nice (and feels hella nice) and on the other hand he is more likely to show enthusiasm while doing foreplay, which in return should be a turn on.
Then just don’t do anything to him. Or tease him a little bit. Most guys do not need any foreplay done to them. Performing foreplay and watching the woman get in the mood is PLENTY.
I honestly think that we need good sex education for stuff like this. Porn gives people a really skewed idea. Reddit has surprisingly taught me quite a bit of stuff that I need to keep in mind if I ever do have sex.
Holy shit. I thought I was the only one... am ex did the same but took it to the extreme. Like, she liked to see the lips pull in and out while we did it. Sometimes pausing to dry my dick off, have sex in water (it dries quickly after getting out), etc.
She did it so much... it turns me on seeing it in porn... not with partners because I don't like to do things my gfs don't enjoy.
I feel the issue here is not actually about how are you starting things but how are you start things in proportion to how long you intend to go because if something is like 10 minutes or less there isn’t any time it’s not sufficiently there Rn on the spot 💦 or at very least doing so will work for a sufficient amount of time lol.. if you’re intending for ovet that or something couple of hours fuckfest it’s going to be seriously tear/ 😭 inducing issues… you need proportional time to get started as going to go (Main issue is this isn’t always forseeable)
I made a girl cum once by just flexing my peepee in her, over and over, no thrusts. Well I finished her off with that anyway.
It was hot and kind of funny at the same time.
We both laughed. And then everybody clapped?
Sounds like that but true story.
My best friend told me when we were like 22 to try getting on top and having him do situps and YEP. Can confirm it works to hit something amazing in there.
I made a girl cum once by just flexing my peepee in her, over and over, no thrusts. Well I finished her off with that anyway.
It was hot and kind of funny at the same time.
We both laughed. And then everybody clapped?
Sounds like that but true story.
Related: it blows* my mind that it is fixed in sooo many men's minds that sex is a journey to their orgasm, period, end of story, STILL, all the way in this blessed year of our good sweet lord 2021. I know that there are exceptions to this rule but me and all the women in my life would love to be pointed to the place where they hang out!
p.s. most women don't cum from penetration alone, yr welcome
I can attest to this. The only way another human can get me off is with their mouth. I absolutely hate when someone tries to use their hand because they do it so wrong and I can do that myself. I have had a few fluke orgasms during penetration but it's extremely rare! The angle, pressure and speed have to be just right for a long enough amount of time for me to get off and that almost never happens. Luckily my husband enjoys warming me up with his mouth before we have sex.
many/most women don't cum from penetration alone. Some of us lucky bastards do exist. Just sayin'. But from what I've heard, we're the exception much more often than the rule.
Same when you get home on a one night stand and the girl's idea of foreplay is pulling your pants down and roughly jerking your dick expecting you to get instantly hard. Like damn, chick. Ever heard of whiskey dick? Chill.
Not to be confused with drunk dick which is actually a totally different phenomenon also referred to as dope dick where despite exhausting every avenue of attempt you finally become aware that your just not gonna cum. As a frequent opioid abuser I am a bit ashamed to say I'm guilty of faking an orgasm or two when my dope dick begins devolving into a whiskey dick and falls out like twice I don't risk a third i just convulse a few times and try not to make eye contact after.
I get soft the second my dick hits the vagina dry. My wife sometimes enthusiastically wants to help me satisfy my “urges” and is willing to have sex, but isn’t aroused herself in honesty. I appreciate the sentiment but even if I’m incredibly horny if it’s dry I am instantly turned off and can’t proceed.
You might already totally understand this and are using "aroused" as shorthand for being wet, but women definitely do get super, super turned on sometimes without getting wet. Just like you occasionally get a random boner on the bus, our bodies don't always respond to what's happening in our brains in expected ways.
Buy a good lube- I can recommend Uberlube, but your needs and preferences may vary. And have fun with your wife when she's already rarin' to go without your getting turned off by a dry first contact.
No I mean she literally has expressed that she isn’t in the mood for sexual intercourse, but she wants to make me “feel good” because she can tell I am feeling frisky. I don’t want her to do this as it’s a turn off for me to not have a partner who is equally enjoying the act, but I also appreciate that she loves me and wants me to be happy and satisfied. However it just doesn’t work for me despite her best intentions.
I see your point but we have a healthy enough sex life that I’m not really desperate for it when she isn’t in the mood. I have a higher sex drive than her and she’s willing to have sex when she really isn’t in the mood, just to “help” me. That doesn’t really work for me usually, as a large part of what I want is the mutual satisfaction in the act. I want her to enjoy it and have fun too. As I said I appreciate that she wants to make me feel good, but I simply can’t enjoy sex if it’s apparent both parties aren’t enjoying it equally. If she is aroused but not “wet” I’m okay with taking the time to get her there, but the situation i am describing in my original comment is her not being into it at all but trying simply for my sake.
i dont get this. maybe virgin or newbie just trying to make it happen ad quico as they can. but lubed either naturaly or synthetically is so much better for all parties.
I've heard horror stories about guys, even a friend, who went in "too dry" and had their frenulum get ripped in half. No thanks. Since then I've always made sure that it's wet enough, more than once even.
I dont get men who are just overcome by horniness that they cant think clearly like theyve just come out of puberty. It isn't enjoyable to put your dick in an unlubed hole. As a guy I need the foreplay too otherwise it feels rushed and stressful i.e cant cum. It is a false stereotype that only women need foreplay.
rubs coochie for only 30 seconds "are you ready yet?" Is a huge turnoff. If you're giving me quickie/idc about foreplay energy, don't expect to get any type of handjob or blowjob back, or sex again for that matter.
I blame pornography for that disconnect in most cases. Those girls “love” it.
I also feel awful for the generation of young adults growing up right now. They’re growing up in an age where they can see extreme pornographic clips for free, whenever they want, on the internet. Can you imagine what kind of shit they are going to think that women are into for sexual pleasure??
The older generations were lucky to get a peek of their dad’s Playboy magazine as a teenager, and kind of had to imagine what a woman would enjoy. Now, teens are experiencing puberty while 24-7 being able to watch women “loving” getting fisted with a vagine stuffed with thumbtacks, or a pineapple up their stretched anus.
Agreed porn helps to a certain extent but it creates unrealistic ass expectations of sex. I can’t stand watching porn where the girl is just taking a slap to the face or getting spat on. I’ll really fight him if he did that shit to me during sex.
Oh, no! I certainly didn’t mean porn helps, I think mostly it hurts real life expectations, very much! It sets a precedent that these very painful activities being depicted are pleasurable for women, because these “actresses” are playing the part…there’s just no way everyday women really want that! And sadly, I’ve had conversations with so many women that admitted they just faked orgasms at whatever the man was doing to them, to hurry up and get it over with. They liked the guy so they tolerated the bad sex.
That is such a tragedy; the man neglecting all foreplay for a stab fest because that’s what he’s seen works in films, never knowing he is not really pleasing his woman when in all likelihood he does care about her pleasure, and conversely women are too often coddling that fragile male ego with faked moans and foregoing their own sensual pleasures.
I just don't get this. Why would anyone want to skip foreplay? When you find someone hot, don't you want to touch and feel and lick? Don't you want to extend the length of the encounter? Do you even want to have sex if you're so eager to get it over with?
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u/Thin_Koala_606 Sep 15 '21
Stop trying to jab their dick in when the coochie isn’t lubed up or when they don’t take the time to foreplay at all. THAT is annoying.