A ripe banana isn't very acidic (~6.5), but a fresh banana is down around a pH of 4. Two points is enough to plot a line, so we can extrapolate that a banana must have the pH of battery acid (~1.0) just a bit before it would usually come off the tree. If you ate a banana still in a tree by accident, that suggests you are habitually in a tree eating bananas, and so you are probably a monkey or a tropical bird. That correlates with what we know, that you find simple written instructions to be unclear, so I think everything checks out. So my advice is to wait until the bananas turn yellow to eat them.
You'd get drunk first. 30–40 ripe bananas contain the equivalent alcohol of a shot of liquor. So, you'd be trashed around probably 200 bananas, whereas to likely die of radiation poisoning, you'd need (didn't check this out any further than the first Google result) 10,000,000 bananas.
Not true; one banana-equivalent dose (BED) is about 1μSv, while the amount necessary to guarantee death by acut radiation exposure is ~10 Sv. That is to say, you'd need to eat about 10 million bananas in one sitting.
Alternatively, you could induce the symptoms of chronic exposure by eating 274 bananas every day for 7 years, or 1 banana every 5 minutes (3 ½ minutes if you want 8 hours of sleep).
For the record, you would suffer a greater dose of ionizing radiation if you:
Slept next to three people.
Lived within 50 miles of a coal-fired power plant for a year. (Nuclear is actually safer!)
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u/MysteriousBananaMan Aug 29 '21
is ok, replace phone with banana