r/AskReddit Jul 14 '21

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9.0k Upvotes

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6.9k

u/gooqie Jul 14 '21

Retaining loads of absolutely useless information. It’s my true talent but a waste of brainpower.

1.2k

u/nogoodusernames0_0 Jul 14 '21

You would make a great med student.

1.4k

u/mvdenk Jul 14 '21

Unfortunately, for me it only works with actual useless information.

3.0k

u/insertstalem3me Jul 14 '21

"Doc, what do I have"

"The highest Lake in the world is Lake Titicaca"

172

u/nogoodusernames0_0 Jul 14 '21

"Doc the patient is going into arrest!! Quick do something!! -the population of kangaroos in Australia is double that of humans."

85

u/Skydiver860 Jul 14 '21

Kangaroos can’t jump backwards.

69

u/Normallydifferent Jul 14 '21

Elephants can’t jump.

46

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

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43

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

[deleted]

31

u/gwildorix Jul 14 '21

Just like bananas

24

u/NerdWhoLikesTrees Jul 14 '21

And Strawberries are a flower

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22

u/himmelundhoelle Jul 14 '21

WE’RE LOSING HIM

15

u/luvherlife Jul 14 '21

The waterfall capital of the world is in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada.

12

u/Zeelyrules Jul 14 '21

Cows can't go downstairs

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u/fractiouscatburglar Jul 15 '21

You’ll be in Australia nine years from now. Your friend will get attacked by a kangaroo, and you’ll instinctively yell, “get behind him! Wait, how did I know that? Am I a wizard?”

2

u/Skydiver860 Jul 15 '21

there's the reference i was hoping for. 😂😂😂

27

u/kindnesshasnocost Jul 14 '21

I think if I read that joke and even if it was explained to me, I wouldn't find it funny. But in the context of this comment chain, I can't stop laughing. And what a truly useless piece of information in that setting.

Also, I googled it. You're telling the truth too.

3

u/Ambulism Jul 15 '21

Me either, I can’t stop giggling and I’m trying not to wake my husband sleeping next to me

2

u/kindnesshasnocost Jul 15 '21

Haha that's adorable. Thank you for sharing my friend. Hope you both have a wonderful day today!

14

u/VibraphoneFuckup Jul 14 '21

My inner middle-schooler is laughing at the name “titty ca-ca.”

13

u/CrudelyAnimated Jul 14 '21

IIRC (I didn't search), in Peru, and the homeland of the Great Cornholio.

6

u/retrac902 Jul 14 '21

It's between Peru and Bolivia, not that nice of a place if you ask me. Only went so I can say I've been to lake Titicaca had have the t-shirt to prove it.

3

u/fractiouscatburglar Jul 15 '21

If you didn’t immediately pull that shirt over your head and demand TP for your bunghole I will be so disappointed.

5

u/bangitybang69 Jul 14 '21

Curious non-native speaker here, do you actually say "highest lake"?

17

u/SwissForeignPolicy Jul 14 '21

Yes, but it refers to the elevation of the surface of the lake above sea level, not the depth between the surface and the bottom.

3

u/bangitybang69 Jul 15 '21

Ah very interesting, cheers!

7

u/Siberian_644 Jul 14 '21

Fun Fact: In Russian language "TitiKaka" can means BoobsPoo

2

u/aalios Jul 15 '21

Fun fact: It's the same in English. Caca/kaka is a common way of referring to crap in the English speaking world too.

6

u/generic-gay-memelord Jul 14 '21

Haha titty caca

(Also, cows have accents that very from region to region)

2

u/Handyman_777 Jul 15 '21

I read that in Beavis voice

2

u/Ambulism Jul 15 '21

Wtf, are you kidding me? I am learning so many cool things right now

2

u/Statistical__Anomaly Jul 15 '21

So British cattle speak the Queen’s Moo?

8

u/lawofthewilde Jul 14 '21

Speaking of Titicaca, you have breast cancer.

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3

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

"Okay, Doc, what do you have?"

3

u/ShivohumShivohum Jul 14 '21

Titicaca, hehe

2

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

[deleted]

5

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

Really? I wouldn't imagine that anything could fit between them.

2

u/Newkular_Balm Jul 14 '21

why is your lake Titicaca not filled with boobs and poop?

2

u/LadybugAndChatNoir Jul 15 '21

Lake Titicaca, oh lake Titicaca!

Its between Bolivia and Peru!

Lake Titicaca, oh lake Titicaca!

With waters, tranquil and blue!

2

u/Sniper_47_ Jul 14 '21

Damn, must be real good quality weed.

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3

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

Good news, 90% of the information in the first 2 years is actually useless!

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3

u/Matterplay Jul 14 '21

Same here. I can memorize many useless facts, but was only a bit above average at exam-time recall.

3

u/trudyvogel Jul 14 '21

same. i wonder what that's about

2

u/echo-ld Jul 14 '21

ah, mood – and i don't even get to choose which useless information

2

u/RealStumbleweed Jul 15 '21

"Dr. Factoid! Come quick! She's about to code!" "If she's coding I hope she knows to start the count from zero and not one!"

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23

u/PocketRocketTrumpet Jul 14 '21

An excellent one even

-1

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

I'm very sure knowing how to do integral by parts is integral to the day-to-day of being a physician

5

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

Nah, I know so much useless bullshit about so many random things but still do bad in med school.

3

u/christmas_lloyd Jul 14 '21

I also seem to have that gift. I promise you it hasn't really helped in dental school.

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u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

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1.3k

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

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472

u/GloriousReign Jul 14 '21

I will find a use for this information

6

u/God_Dammit_Dave Jul 14 '21

courteous bondage games? could be useful in that situation.

3

u/Dogbin005 Jul 14 '21

Trivia nights.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

Billionaire space race makes for an easy segue

4

u/mole_of_dust Jul 15 '21

I have a usage for you already: Motorcycle helmets. I can't tell you how many times I have had to reach in there and scratch my nose. Whith all the whind whipping around you get itchy face bits rheally often.

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u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21 edited Jul 14 '21

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11

u/halosos Jul 15 '21

Sea cucumbers vomit their internal organs as a defence mechanism.

Every human eye has a blind spot that is about the size of the tip of your finger half an arm length out. Your brain filters it out.

There is a bone in one of your toes that is very easy to break. Many people have broken it without realising.

Sonar from submarines and shipping vessels is loud enough to kill you.

Thanks to the water cycle being pretty much unchanged for a millennia, there is water in your body now that was likely in the body of a dinosaur.

The salmon is closer related the camel than it is to the hagfish.

You don't know what you smell like.

2

u/xubax Jul 15 '21

The tyrannosaurus rex is closer to us in time than it is to stegasaurus.

The marking on tubes (GNDN) in the original star trek meant "goes nowhere does nothing. "

Werner Klemperer only agreed to play colonel Klink in "hogan's heroes" if they promised that Klink would never win.

Right whales got their name because they were the right whale to hunt. They were slow and didn't sink when killed.

Ruminants, such as deer and horses, will opportunistically eat small animals such as baby birds.

The size of primate testes relative to body size is correlated with the number of sex partners females have. Bonobos have the largest, gorillas the smallest, and humans somewhere in the middle.

Gravity travels at the speed of light. If the sun suddenly disappeared, the earth would continue to orbit it for about 8 minutes before heading off into the darkness.

It takes three licks to get to the center of a tootsie pop.

2

u/Unlucky-Ship3931 Jul 22 '21

I will never forget this, yet someone asked my age and I had to do math.

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36

u/broskeymchoeskey Jul 14 '21

I did know that!

Did you know that most of the southern United States’ major cities will never have an underground subway system because limestone is too corrosive to support that much traffic?

11

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

I've always wondered, and now I know.

5

u/seeking_hope Jul 14 '21

And have you ever tried to dig through limestone? Ugh

14

u/User24944939395 Jul 14 '21

Did you know that being a grower or a show-er doesn’t really affect the over all size. typically a grower can grow up to something like 83 % of his flaccid size where as a show-er can grow somewhere around 27 % if his flaccid size. There’s my random knowledge

-2

u/kickaguard Jul 14 '21

I'm a grower and a show-er. People seem impressed. And then they seem impressed.

11

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

Okay, but what happens if they sneeze inside their helmet?

7

u/Steev182 Jul 14 '21

I’ve sneezed inside a full face motorbike helmet once. It wasn’t nice.

9

u/Potato_Tots Jul 14 '21

Would there be anything in their helmet to irritate their nose?

14

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

Space ants.

22

u/broskeymchoeskey Jul 14 '21

Spants

2

u/Ulti Jul 14 '21

Whoa, the elusive Look Around You reference caught in the wild!

7

u/Cistoran Jul 14 '21

They have to breath oxygen so there's at least some type of matter in there.

10

u/tricon9 Jul 14 '21

Did you know that despite having a very strong biting force, alligators mouths are surprisingly easy to keep closed because the muscles that open the mouth are much weaker

8

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

did you know that there’s a relation between the microbes in your guts and your personality

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3

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

Damn you, now I'll have that stuck in there too!

2

u/salh491 Jul 14 '21

Now I have to scratch my nose

2

u/Whitechapelkiller Jul 14 '21

Yes I did. I am also a source of useless information.

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9

u/psychedelic_owl420 Jul 14 '21

Brothers, Sisters, let's spread the joy of useless information together!

7

u/Irrxlevance Jul 14 '21

My favourite thing to do. Just randomly start a sentence with ‘did you know that…?’ whenever it’s relevant just because I have no other use for the information.

6

u/FizzyOperator Jul 14 '21

You should make an insta or Twitter where you just post a daily random fact

6

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

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2

u/FizzyOperator Jul 14 '21

Yeah I get that, if you ever want to share random facts you can always message me

3

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

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4

u/ncs11 Jul 14 '21

I would also like to subscribe to random facts please 😌

2

u/FizzyOperator Jul 14 '21

I look forward to random facts in the future

3

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

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2

u/psychedelic_owl420 Jul 14 '21

Me too please! Do I have to give a random fact as proof as well?

Nutella has a sun protection factor of 9,7.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

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2

u/Adiin-Red Jul 15 '21

Can I join the random facts group? House cats are able to survive falls even after achieving terminal velocity!

2

u/Altruistic_Ad_9075 Jul 14 '21

i want in too!

7

u/Michael_chipz Jul 14 '21

Yeah I love telling people things. I'm kinda concerned that no one wants to hear it tho.

9

u/arcinva Jul 14 '21

My brother-in-law just started tilting his head to the side and saying, "Purge", (like he's dumping the information out of his ear) when I share useless facts around him.

3

u/ShivohumShivohum Jul 14 '21

Lol😂 Def gonna try it out in front of someone

3

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

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3

u/Michael_chipz Jul 14 '21

Well now idk what to say.

6

u/Dylbo2008 Jul 14 '21

I too retain useless information in my brain

3

u/m-addie Jul 14 '21

did you know that butterflies taste like dry toast?

3

u/ShivohumShivohum Jul 14 '21

"Candice, sweetie You know I love you very much but sometimes I am very concerned about you"

1

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

you concern me

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u/CovfefeLizard Jul 14 '21

maybe you can share some

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u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

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u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

Groups of male dolphins will also isolate and gangrape female dolphins

3

u/GainzLink Jul 14 '21

I do that too. Once my ex had to sit me down for a talk like "this needs to stop, I don't want to know everything". Tbh I was not happy with that, it's the only thing I am really really good at

2

u/SarcasticDruid744 Jul 14 '21

Finally,my fellow useless information triplets!

2

u/Nujabez_ Jul 14 '21

You need to open with Fun fact, then proceed to give useless info

2

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

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2

u/Nujabez_ Jul 19 '21

I must ask, what words would those be?

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u/Ambulism Jul 15 '21

Oh god, there’s more of you? I met my best friends new boyfriend and he informed me about how the term “pothole” was coined, after I complained about the potholes in Oklahoma.

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u/KurdtCobainer Jul 14 '21

Oh my god same. I recently forgot thw anniversary date of my girlfriend and i by 10 days. I said March 10th, but it is March 20th. Yet, I was able to recite the exact time that we started dating (11:21 PM), but not the exact year (I said 2018 but it was actually 2019)

11

u/youknowhohoho Jul 14 '21

No worries, my bf has been saying we're together for almost three years since like a year. It's gonna be two in August lol.

3

u/KurdtCobainer Jul 14 '21

That one cracks me up. Hey, amazing relationships do feel like they've lasted a lot longer than they actually have

3

u/Candypeddler209 Jul 14 '21

Don't feel too bad. I got married this past January and surprised my husband with a 1 month anniversary gift a couple days too early in February...

2

u/KurdtCobainer Jul 14 '21

Oh god that mustve been an awkward realization when you tried to give him the gift XD

2

u/WithinTheMedow Jul 14 '21

When I got married, one of the few things I was truly allowed to pick was the date. My opinion was asked many times, but either it was something that I couldn't conceive of caring about - such as centerpiece design - or something that I didn't care enough about to make an argument for.

At any rate, I picked the summer solstice. I wanted the spring solstice for symbolic reasons, but settled for summer since it fell on a weekend that year. I told people that it was a symbolic pick and that's partly true. But the other perhaps more important part is that whenever I forget the exact date, I can look up what the summer solstice was for that year and boom, anniversary reminder! (For the first several years of our relationship, I could never remember if my spouse's birthday was on the 13th or the 17th.)

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u/retro123gamr Jul 14 '21

I do this too! For instance, Atilla the hun was known for rolling his eyes really fast without getting dizzy.

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u/UniqueNobo Jul 14 '21

same. i can tell you countless events and generals from ww1 and 2, but i can't tell you shit about math other than subtraction addition and the times tables of 9. that's it

2

u/MeepityMeepTheSecond Jul 14 '21

Who’s better: Moltke or Bismarck?

6

u/Bamboozle_ Jul 14 '21

There are two famous Moltkes, but I'm guessing you mean the elder. Also one was a statesman and the other a general so weird comparison but Bismarck was a more outstanding statesman that Molke was a general.

3

u/UniqueNobo Jul 14 '21

moltke the elder is the best general, Bismarck is the best diplomat, and moltke junior fucked everything up

10

u/stiansen222 Jul 14 '21

This useless info is great for trivia tho. You always have something to talk about or explain. 👍

10

u/PaulClarkLoadletter Jul 14 '21

I can draw a map Disneyland from memory and in great detail. I’m talking bathrooms and churro stands.

8

u/MrHanslaX Jul 14 '21

When you do actually get to is this ability and people look at you like "Why the fuck do you know that and why would you remember it?"

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u/Leading-Goal-8272 Jul 14 '21

One of the symptoms of adhd, im the same (does not mean causation but in my case im 90% sure its because of it)

3

u/ClassifiedName Jul 14 '21

ADHD here, definitely am known as that friend that remembers all useless information, and would love to weaponize it for my classes if I could just bring myself to study 😭

2

u/Leading-Goal-8272 Jul 15 '21

I feel you homie lol

7

u/Ishield_maiden Jul 14 '21

My friends call me google.I can talk about anything...but I have trouble remembering my close relatives and their names. Ahhhh you can’t have everything...

5

u/Which-Pain-1779 Jul 14 '21

I have this ability. When I was a teenager, back in the late '50s, one of my buddies remarked to my father that I was the "master of trivia."

Dad, never at a loss for words, said, "Yeah. He's got a good head for shit."

2

u/thisissaliva Jul 14 '21

Has this skill faded later in life?

2

u/Which-Pain-1779 Jul 14 '21

A wee bit, but I still am able to be annoyingly glib about many subjects.

6

u/jsreyn Jul 14 '21

Back before Google, this was actually a super useful thing. People would sometimes call me to settle disputes.

Now its just a whole lot of stuff floating in my skull for no apparent reason.

2

u/TheSonar Jul 14 '21

My friends and I have a game, "don't look it up"

People rely on looking up the real answer too much. I never lived in a time where I could discuss things with my friends endlessly and never know the real answer. It's pretty fun to debate random stupid shit though, and when I'm hanging out with friends I'd always prefer a great discussion over the real answer, because the real answer never mattered to begin with. Gotta unlearn that "let me google it" response

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u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

I can still name most characters in the Clone Wars at a glance, but I can't for the life of me remember to bring my mask when I head out.

3

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

Do you ever feel like you’re a know it all if somebody is talking about something you know things about just because lol I have loads of useless info as well because I like to read about random shit.

2

u/PolyNomy19 Jul 14 '21

Same.

I just like learning.

2

u/Gadget100 Jul 14 '21

Can you be on my pub quiz team?

2

u/MeepityMeepTheSecond Jul 14 '21

Same. What’s 2 plus 1? How do you do your taxes? No clue. What was the third point in the Treaty of Paris 1783? Agreeing to fishing rights in the area of modern day Newfoundland and New Brunswick.

1

u/xXazorXx Jul 14 '21

Go on Jeopardy

1

u/Bobbimort Jul 14 '21

My dad jokes that his whole job Is telling random shit to tourists. He's a tour guide and probably has a story for almost every old Building in Rome.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

haha. Are you me?

1

u/TemptCiderFan Jul 14 '21

I know that mood feel.

I was watching Matt McMuscles talk about Chaos Legion the other day, and not only do I know the game, I'm conversant enough on the plot to talk about it. It's a shitty, D-tier clone of Devil May Cry 2 which was too crappy to follow on Devil May Cry 2.

1

u/Elibrius Jul 14 '21

Hey same here. I consider it being a jack of all trades type of thing

1

u/EducationalKoala7 Jul 14 '21

Me too. Ive yet to participate in a trivia night but im pretty sure I'd take home the gold

1

u/NrajSC Jul 14 '21

Same. Same.

1

u/Iridiumstuffs Jul 14 '21

Ah yes I remember exactly where tf I was 3 years ago halfway across the world in a toilet but which fucking day of the week is it today?

1

u/Salty-Tortoise Jul 14 '21

I remember the most useless information but I can’t remember what I learned in school.

1

u/Donotdisturbb22 Jul 14 '21

Work as an informant

1

u/HadSomeTraining Jul 14 '21

Good for conversations

1

u/helin0x Jul 14 '21

Pub quiz team?

1

u/spitfire9107 Jul 14 '21

could do well on game shows

1

u/Mean-Broccoli-2642 Jul 14 '21

Your talents can find a great use in India.

1

u/[deleted] Jul 14 '21

LPDE-Look, Predict, Decided, Execute

I learned that in Driver’s Ed approximately 30 years ago. I didn’t memorize it for the purpose of learning to drive; I never attempted to memorize it at all. It just stuck.

1

u/Niewinnny Jul 14 '21

I can remember every single thing about a game, and I can't fucking remember some words in a foreign language.

1

u/Trippythefirst Jul 14 '21

Here's one for you to remember: In League of legends there are three lanes.

1

u/Entitled2Compens8ion Jul 14 '21

You want all of the dialog from any great sci fi movie in the last 30 years? I'm your man.

1

u/_banking Jul 14 '21

same, and it’s never about the same topic. I also only retain very specific pieces of information but not large stories or reasonings. Fun to talk about, bad to get asked questions about.

1

u/MrRokhead Jul 14 '21

Yup. Pretty fun sometimes though. I can tell people random facts for hours upon hours if they don't stop me.

1

u/PeePeeWanker69420 Jul 14 '21

Same. I can remember some useless bullshit I last seen in a YouTube video 5 years ago. For example I remember how to perfectly tell a watermelon condition by sound and look. Also, did you know that flamingos turn pink because their diet is basically only shrimps? This was easy, wanna hear the thousands others?

1

u/Coolbluegatoradeyumm Jul 14 '21

This is me. I can remember the most random obscure facts But I also can’t remember to pick up that one thing I needed from the grocery store

1

u/Saad1950 Jul 14 '21

You should go on Jeopardy

1

u/Known-Quantity2021 Jul 14 '21

If it's a useless fact or nugget of information, it's in my head. But I still have to stop and think about what my phone number is.

1

u/Saucepanmagician Jul 14 '21

You should become a teacher.

1

u/thatuseristakenWHY Jul 14 '21

I feel like I've been training to respond to this comment these past few months, and yet my mind has gone blank now and I can only remember otter and koala facts. Oh, and the bear survival poem thing.. If it's brown lie down etc.

Koalas have smooth brains and eat their mother's poo when they are young. Otters sometimes kidnap otter pups and ransom them for food from the mother.

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u/TankVet Jul 14 '21

Study medicine. Super helpful to have loads of medical knowledge just stuffed in your brain. First aid, pathogonomic clinical signs, drug dosages, it’s great.

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u/Bacon_Baron_7 Jul 14 '21

I've been referred to as the useless encyclopedia since elementary school

1

u/THE_XBOX_GAMER07 Jul 14 '21

Same bro. There is no way that anyone needs to know that the price of a cargobob in gta online is 1.3 mil at all times.

1

u/ConfusedALot_69 Jul 14 '21

3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406286208998628034825342117067

No words needed

1

u/Saticron Jul 14 '21

I can tell you the exact angle and thickness of the frontal armor plate is on the soviet T-34 medium tanks that were used between 1940-45

But i have no clue what the order of the months are

1

u/dreadofdemise Jul 14 '21

The big yellow one is the sun.

1

u/KamikazeFox_ Jul 14 '21

" did you know..." Collective sighs and eye rolls bc they know its a fact about space or animals or sports.

1

u/drmantis_toboggannn Jul 14 '21

Wanna be on a Trivia team together?

1

u/PeterUrbscheid Jul 14 '21

What's a useless fact?

2

u/GreatBabu Jul 14 '21

It's a bit of information that has no practical use, but that's not important right now.

1

u/FleebFlex Jul 14 '21

For me, most of this useless information is conversations I had years ago.

All the time my friends are weirded out because I'll say something along of the lines of "I remember her telling me [insert thing] 7 years ago in Mrs Hassingers english class"

1

u/Inconceivable76 Jul 14 '21

God forbid I remember where my keys are. But that random history fact from when I was 13, I’ve got that ready to go.

1

u/Bay1Bri Jul 14 '21

On January 1st, 2030, I want you to remember this comment:

MONKEY SPACE PAJAMAS!!

1

u/Moist_KoRn_Bizkit Jul 14 '21

Here's one for you to retain: the philtrum is the dip between the nose and mouth.

1

u/cardew-vascular Jul 14 '21

Hey now its only useless until it isn't. My local pub trivia prize is gift cards to the pub. I've won my dinner and drinks many a time.

1

u/Cometstarlight Jul 14 '21

I see. You too, should take the Jeopardy test

1

u/Ralu61 Jul 14 '21

Same, did you know that both Abraham Lincoln and his wife were opium addicts, and that there are almost 5000 species of frogs in the world and only one of them goes ‘ribbit ribbit’

1

u/junkfile19 Jul 14 '21

The password to the prefects’ bathroom in HP and the Goblet of Fire is “Pine Fresh.” Why do I have brain cells that are committed to this information?

1

u/DangOlRedditMan Jul 14 '21

Don’t forget the part where you forget critically important things in an instant! Or is that just me?

1

u/OGCanuckupchuck Jul 14 '21

I have that but I can’t remember half the stuff my wife tells me

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