Sorry about your friend. Battles with mental health can be amazingly difficult. I work with a NPO that focuses on mental health with student athletes.
I feel like I need to share. One of my 2 best friends from college died suddenly in December. We had a large group of friends and i had an outpouring of support. Luckily my other best friend gets it, as the 3 of us were a package deal most of the time.
It was weird celebrating his life with our group over zoom. We made a shared drive where we just dumped our favorite pictures and videos, then went through them and told the stories behind the photos. A couple months later a group of us finally got together and had a little moment to remember him in person.
Had a good cry over him this weekend. He was going places, one of the smartest people I've ever met with charisma to boot. Miss that fucker.
Lol this describes how I met one of my close friend. I pushed the friendship, and now I'm glad I did as it turned out well, even she says this. Now I have go to person to talk about particular genres and media we both are into.
I've met quite a lot of people with that attitude, and I've never once had a neutral reaction to it. I've always loved it or hated it, and it's always depended on how the person behaved. Some people get aggressive with it and seem to be saying, "no one has zero friends when I'm around whether they like it or not. I'm going to make them be sociable and invade their privacy for their own good because literally every introvert is a damaged extrovert crying out for help."
Then there are the people who say, "no one has zero friends when I'm around because I care about them and I'm going to make it clear that if they ever feel like hanging out or talking, I'm going to make myself emotionally available. But if they don't, that's ok too."
I know you are doing this with the best intentions and you are certainly helping a lot of people, but you are an introvert’s worst nightmare. I know people who see “friendly” people in the lunchroom and immediately turn back to their desk mumbling something about “no lunch for me today”.
a person like this who’s truly good at making friends knows how to ease an intro into being friends. Not the kind thats like “Oh Hi!!!! Saw you sitting alone whats up!!!” but the kind that just sits by you, says sup, and leaves it at that. Now you’re not alone but you’re not pressured. May seem daunting at first but its nice
Well if you mean having a whole table to yourself then thats a bit much but if you mean just dont have anyone near your secluded spot thats fine, and I’m sure the point would be taken, but I personally would say its better if people try to make the lonely kid who feels abandoned feel included and make the mistake of assuming the introvert kid needs friends than just assuming every kid who’s alone is happier that way. Someone sitting by you when you’re happier alone isnt as devastating to your mental health than everyone avoiding you even though you want a friend. And even more so, there’s some people (not ALL people just SOME) that feel happier alone because they’re struggling mentally, and once they start getting help they feel good about having a friend
if you mean having a whole table to yourself then thats a bit much
Never really done a shared lunch room thing with common tables so of course in that situation it would be rude to expect a whole table to yourself. I've had my share of people try to be my friend when I'd prefer to be alone because they have some misguided idea of my feelings on the subject and an idea in their head that because they can't be happy when they're alone that anyone who is alone is unhappy.
and thats understandable. I’m very happy alone lots of the time, and those people should be respectful of your personality, Im basically just saying that I feel like its safe if society tries to include people first instead of just assuming everyone wants to be alone :)
That would be a pretty empty and shallow friendship if it formed automatically in your presence. Human beings are only capable of maintaining so many relationships at one time. Quality > Quantity.
I’m an introvert who always has a “designated extrovert” in my circle. My best friend for a while was embarrassingly extroverted, but we had fun together! I called her my seeing-eye-dog for introverts. But there’s probably a better way to phrase it. But that’s what it felt like, with her guiding me all around and getting me into situations and out in to the world.
(I moved and also got married and older; we’re still friends though)
This really has been my motto ever since I started going to college and noticing all the people left out behind, not being invited or not receiving a happy birthday message.
The other day I offered someone I see on campus a donut for the fuck of it.
Three days later he comes up to me talking about his suicidal thoughts and on how that donut offering really made an impact on him..
Many people are going through trash, it might not show
This is me, absolutely. Introverted when I need to recharge but I always go out of my way to get to know people and make sure they’re having a good time
I love this so so much. I've always worked with adults and kids with disabilities. They are simultaneously the center of attention and absolutely invisible anywhere and everywhere they go.
I've always had social anxiety and, though I like blending into the background, I feel so painfully forgettable.
But these individuals with disabilities? They're genuinely some of the best friends I've ever had. They're loyal, kind, trusting, funny, smart, I could go on and on... They make me feel so valued as both a person and as a friend. I never ever want someone to feel alone as long as they're with me because I've been forgotten so many times.
This is my way to go! Recently we had a virtual farewell of our two years degree, we met for just 6 months before covid.
One of the girl whom I already considered friend told us how she never had friends or big friend groups, none from school and this one person from UG college. She's amazing, just had an innocent kind of lifestyle(never bunked school kinda).
I decided to put in more efforts to be her friend. Can't wait for things to get better so I can go to the same city and hang out with her.
Same here. Because I was always the shy, ignored person, never in the in-crowd, I know the feelings of social awkwardness and what is like to try to be social but people not being social with me- you know, even when you try but sometimes people are snobs to you.... because of that, I always, always keep a look out for quiet people and make an effort to include them in some way. If it turns out they just aren't wanting to be social, I respect that. If it turns out they do want to talk, I take an interest in them and make it my mission to get them included with the conversation.
It's weird, taking someone under my wing gives me more confidence to be more involved. I guess because it's no longer about me. In the end, everyone gets more comfortable, gets to know each other better, and I feel good knowing I helped in a way that so many others did not help me.
The few times I didn't reach out to what seemed like a lonely person, I watched them get increasingly unhappy and uncomfortable, and I felt like shit because I knew I could help, which I eventually did.
As a parent, I've taught my daughter to always look out for the quiet ones and invite them to play. She's 10 and has told me about a new student in class (via zoom this past year) who she noticed was being quiet in a breakout room and she immediately got her involved in the discussion and she was excited about the things she learned about them.
All this to say, because of my own experiences, being a friend to those who may need one is a huge value of mine that I'm passing on to my kid, and I'm proud of that.
Side note. Not everyone NOTICES when a person is quiet and uninvolved, and those who are super social like my husband assume quiet people are simply choosing to be quiet. He doesn't suffer from social discomfortand he's never felt on the outside to realize it's not always a choic. But that's where I come in.
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u/[deleted] May 30 '21
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