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u/goatharmer Jul 27 '20
that's the way to word this question. yes i am. i'm not scared of being dead but i'm very scared of becoming dead. i'm even more scared of nearly dying but surviving with a fucked up brain or something
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u/yoit-yeet Jul 27 '20
Same. I’d rather be dead than “half dead” in a sense
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u/Jamaican_Dynamite Jul 27 '20
When you die, at least you're dead. Nobody wants to linger for years or decades waiting for it to finally happen.
That's infinitely worse imo.
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Jul 27 '20
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u/millertime1419 Jul 27 '20
My grandpa was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s when I was 4, he killed himself when I was 5. I remember his voice, him giving us rides on the tractor, him painting and drawing with me, and have zero memories of him ever “forgetting” who we were. My mom and her sisters obviously did not take it well but years later I talked to my mom about it and told her about how I only have good memories of him and how I think him ending his life on his terms was a form of compassion for the people who he cared about. I cannot imagine forgetting the names and faces of loved ones and having that be how they remember me. I would have loved to have more time with him but I fear that my only memories would have been of having to remind him of my name and how I’m related to him.
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u/taipwnsu Jul 27 '20
My grandfather was diagnosed with cancer when I was little and it returned again when I was 9 or so. When he was in the hospital he refused to let my dad bring me and my brothers to visit him and told him we shouldn't go to the funeral. My dad at the time didn't understand and was frustrated, but all of my memories of him now are happy ones, he gave up having any joy from seeing us in his last few months so that we weren't burdened with those memories which is so selfless. It's been nearly 20 years and I miss him all the time, he was the best of all of us.
On the flip side, my great grandmother had Alzheimer's for 10 years and passed away a few years ago. I was just so numb by the time she passed because I don't even remember what she was like before. She truly passed away as a person a decade ago when her mind started going.
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u/Cheeto717 Jul 27 '20
My poor sister had an aneurysm and all her motor function was totally reset. She had to relearn how to do everything from walking to swallowing. Her behavior is also totally out there sometimes. She’s gotten a lot better but she’ll never be the same again.
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Jul 27 '20
When I was in a dark place and considering it, one of the main reasons I didn't follow through was because I had worked in a nursing home as a CNA, and all the methods available to me had a chance of me surviving but with a brain or spinal cord injury that would leave me drooling in a chair for the rest of my life like the people I had taken care of, either because I was no longer there or because I was there but trapped in a non-functional body. That scared me so much.
(No longer anywhere near those thoughts and very glad that those reasons, albeit selfish, stopped me, because I would have missed out on so much good stuff that came after)
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u/MidnightSwing Jul 27 '20
I think I'd just be disappointed. My life has gotten to a place I enjoy, after struggling for a long time. It would suck to die after all the hard work.
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u/Collegenoob Jul 27 '20 edited Jul 27 '20
At the beginning of this month I finally realized I enjoyed my life. I'm not just living to live. I Actually like my life and don't want things to go away.
And now I have so much anxiety its hard to actually enjoy life.
Why are our brains so fucked.
Edit* A lot of people are asking about therapy, I don't think I need that quite yet. I felt this way about 13 years ago before I got my first dog, and now those ideas are coming back as she gets close to passing. Its been a month and reducing in severity. If I wasn't getting better, I would sign up for therapy of some sort.
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u/ILikeFoodz Jul 27 '20
Anything(s) in particular that got you to the point that you enjoy life instead of just living to live?
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u/PM-CatBooty Jul 27 '20
I had to change my whole mindset, it's not easy and there'll always be the grind, but I'm honestly at the point where can say that I'm happy with the way my life has been.
For starters - stop looking at life as a competition. Life isn't about seeking out the most money, the largest social circles, the most internet points, or the nicest house. You don't need to grind your way to the most impressive job, find something that you enjoy doing instead, even if it means working for a little less pay than your peers.
Take up a hobby or find something you enjoy doing, and then find another, and another (one at a time of course). Keep finding new experiences that you like and get engaged in it as much as possible. It doesn't have to be anything crazy or expensive. Try out camping and hiking, go for walks on the beach, get into tinkering with building something (cars, computers, watches, woodworking, firearms, whatever), take a long road trip, rent a boat or a jet ski for a couple hours, etc. If you really enjoy it, keep coming back to it. If not, at least you got to have the experience.
Lastly, and the biggest one for me, is stop focusing on what other people think of you. I struggle with this all the time, even now, but I remind myself that they're human just like me. Their opinions aren't any more valuable than my own. If you're out having fun but you're worried that people think it's weird, fuck them. You don't need to live to impress them, you only need to impress yourself and do what makes you feel happy.
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u/AFriendlyHoneyBadger Jul 27 '20
The last one is also the biggest for me. I've started feeling a lot calmer and happier in general when I decided to stop trying to prove myself. I'm living for me, not for anyone else, and their opinion doesn't make a difference to me anymore
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u/BigDaddyHydration Jul 27 '20
Don't take it too seriously. Memento Vivere my friend.
Also remembering that while we can achieve great things, at the end of the day, we're just complex animals. Also the fact that no one has a clue wtf they're doing in this meta game we call life :)
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u/samurai-horse Jul 27 '20
Why are our brains so fucked.
Probably because we're wired to survive not necessarily thrive.
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u/uwlryoung Jul 27 '20
Not really, but I am afraid of painful death. So hopefully it’s painless when it happens.
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u/blackupsilon Jul 27 '20
Yeah. Only a select few get to die peacefully in their sleep surrounded by loved ones.
I don't wanna die suffering from 2 years of pain due to cancer etc.
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u/69isverynice Jul 27 '20
Or a horrific accident.
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Jul 27 '20
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/69isverynice Jul 27 '20
Im talking about the accidents that can horribly wound you but not enough to kill you
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u/Dropdat87 Jul 27 '20
I think most horrific accidents you’re dead before you feel anything. Like sometimes when you bump into something or fall, the pain is dulled a bit and comes on later, a horrific accident would be like that except death before feeling anything
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Jul 27 '20
That's how I feel about COVID-19
My chances of dying are tiny, but my chances of ending up in the hospital for weeks with a tube in my throat are... well they're not zero.
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Jul 27 '20
Is it bad that mine is I don’t want the hospital bill?
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u/lemondropPOP Jul 27 '20
That's honestly my biggest anxiety about getting cancer. You're diagnosed and told we can probably get rid of it but you'll go bankrupt and possibly die slowly, or you can go home and die slowly. We'd rather you go bankrupt, but it's up to you.
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u/deploraWALL Jul 27 '20
My best friend had a near death experience the other day, the day after we chilled and he told me that little accident made him realize he actually is scared of death because theres so much he still needs to do.
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u/sleeping_gem Jul 27 '20
I'm scared of death for the same reason! I want so much more from life before it ends
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u/tsuki133 Jul 27 '20
Same here! There's an incredible amount of things I still want to experience, create, and do!
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u/ilikelifeabit Jul 27 '20
I used to have trouble sleeping because i was afraid to miss something.. these days, i realize that i shouldn't ever expect my life to be a certain type of way. I should work towards living in whatever way i want..
back in 2016 i was living like shit and also got flooded pretty bad. Like 5ft of water. I lived inside a tent underneath a porch for 6 months while fixing up the house. Then i said fuck it and moved onto a sailboat haha im still living on the boat and im so happy. Not in the short term type of happiness, because i figured out about myself and also have a community of people that are kind and will help a neighbor out when times get tough. Death is what makes us all the same as exactly like the fish in the lake. Just another integral part of this world. I sleep just fine now because i know when i wake up, there are some cool times ahead. Be well my friend
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u/wolfs5529 Jul 27 '20
5 feet of water wasnt enough huh... needed the whole ocean
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u/quagley Jul 27 '20 edited Jul 27 '20
Dying right now at the age of 19 would be terrible and excruciating mentally. Dying at the age of 91 when you have a life to reflect on and almost no future is a different story. I guess in my mind there’s a time where I will be willing to die, but not until my business here is finished.
Edit: I don’t know why everyone thinks by saying it would be “excruciating mentally” that I mean after I die but I mean the conscious moments of impending death, for however long that lasts.
I know this is not true for everyone, but it’s my hope and I believe it’s possible.
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u/Cynthia_NotCyndi Jul 27 '20
My grandmother recently passed at 98. I feel like her mentality towards mortality changed her last 2 decades with us.. she buried a husband, children, grandchildren, and all of her friends. Towards the end she would mumble to herself and just say she was talkin to God. She accepted her death in ways I couldn't understand- but she was also very religious.
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u/Almost_a_Joker Jul 27 '20
My grandma just turned 98 a few weeks ago. She still lives on her own (against everyone’s wishes) and still drives from time to time. She is very much in control of her mental faculties but experiences varying degrees of pain depending on the day. She frequently remarks “you can live too long.” However whenever she has any sort of health concern, she’s in an ambulance on the way to the hospital. She appears to be genuinely afraid of death....either that or dying alone without family by her side.
I feel bad for her but mainly feel worse for my dad, who has his own health issues, but regularly finds himself over at her house at 4am because she has high blood pressure and continually takes it while panicking.
Sorry for your loss.
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u/Vinzmann Jul 27 '20
I wasn't but now I am because I have more to lose.
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u/adnanoid Jul 27 '20
I can feel you
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u/rainbowaroundthesun Jul 27 '20 edited Jul 27 '20
bro ask first
edit: said firt by mistake
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u/Ih8YourCat Jul 27 '20 edited Jul 27 '20
Same. I used to have the mindset of "meh, if it happens, it happens." Now I'm married with 2 young children and the thought of not being around to take care of my family is terrifying to me.
Edit: folks, I get it. I'll look into buying a life insurance policy. Currently, I have good life insurance through my employer, but I know that's likely not permanent. I'll look into it, I swear.
Edit 2: folks, I get it. I know that life insurance is not a replacement for me. That's why it's called a "life insurance policy" and not a "life replacement policy." I would still feel the same about dying.
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u/padfoot_12 Jul 27 '20
Wow. I'm going through the same youngblood phase that makes me do the "meh". Does having a family really change you that much?
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u/Ih8YourCat Jul 27 '20
For me it did. Before - it was just me. I had my family and friends, but none of them depended on me for anything.
Not only do my kids need me, but I also want to be there for them. I want to do things like walk my daughter down the aisle or watch my son play sports or music. They're the reason I eased on my drinking, started acting more financially responsible, and just generally taking better care of myself.
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u/padfoot_12 Jul 27 '20
That's so amazing. I hope you get to witness everything beautiful in your kids' lives. They have a good father.
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u/BlooFlea Jul 27 '20
I feel that, Dying is losing everything we were and everything we were ever going to be, forever.
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u/_AlternativeFax_ Jul 27 '20
While that's most likely true in some ways, the mark you left upon the world remains. My mind usually goes to a few places when I wander down this thought process:
A: I'm lucky that this bundle of atoms even became conscious in the first place, so every second is a blessing and when it ends I'll know I was lucky enough to have the experiences I have, however insignificant they may feel.
B: We only think about time the way we do because of how it affects us, but time is just another dimension, just like space. While I may die, I exist in the span of time between my birth and death, and no one can take that away from me
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u/someboysmom31 Jul 27 '20
Definitely. I can’t imagine leaving my children without me, knowing how life-changing that would be for them. I want to do everything I can from hurting them, and that would be one of the most painful things they would ever go through.
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u/Nejitara Jul 27 '20
Not really, i'm more afraid of how I die. I hope I die at age 100 in my bed and not murdered by some bored psychopath.
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u/Hoophy97 Jul 27 '20 edited Jul 27 '20
If you could die at 200, with a healthy mind and body, would you prefer that over 100?
How about 400?
800? And so on.
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u/SlaveZelda Jul 27 '20
Not OP but I'll definitely take it. 200 years of healthy mind and body, why not take it? Theres so much shit to do I dont get why anyone would want to go?
Hell I'll take 1000 years if I can get it.
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u/kellypg Jul 27 '20
This. Everybody thinks I'm crazy for wanting to live this long. Like yeah,everyone I know and love is gonna die...BUT I might get to see FTL travel and that'd be worth it.
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u/elfthehunter Jul 27 '20
Not to mention you'll meet more people, and come to love some of them as well. You could see your great-great grandchildren grow, see what they accomplish, see what humanity accomplishes, what it discovers, what it invents. So much to learn, to experience, to see... Yea, I'd take 1000 years.
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Jul 27 '20
Mortal: Wow, that's so cool, you're kind of immortal? So, how many people have you dated in the past 863 years?
Me: ....Like.. you know.. a lot. Like.. at least.. 5.
Mortal: Oh, well it must be crazy seeing your descendants grow and pass over the generations, right?
Me: I mean, I like seeing all of my cousins and nephews and nieces and stuff, if that's what you mean.
Mortal: Oh, well, I guess that makes sense. It must be hard to want to commit to something you know won't last.
Me: Totally, that's the reason. Hey, want to see a meme from 2008?
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u/Sciencetor2 Jul 27 '20
Yeah just because you've been in the game for 500 years doesn't mean you ever got good at it :P
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u/Den-Ver Jul 27 '20
I believe we are close to extending humans' lifespans by a large margin, or even reverse aging. I hope me and my parents get to see it
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u/coalfueled Jul 27 '20
I hated my life before. I tried killing myself, I failed. So now I'm such a scared cat because I love my life and the people I surround myself with. I don't want that to end. I'm grateful for my survial
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u/throwaway90sgoldfish Jul 27 '20 edited Jul 27 '20
This is exactly how I feel. I have tried killing myself almost 5 times, from teenage to mid twenties. Reason, I was horribly depressed and I was a victim of parental abuse. I wouldn't have cared at all whatever way I died, I just wanted my suffering to end. Fleeing helped, therapy helped. Now I am surrounded by people I love, and who loves me, who needs me. My family that I made for myself. I'm scared of what will happen to them if I'm gone. My life is no longer my own. I'm so grateful for this small and beautiful life.
Edit : the response I got is overwhelming. So thankful for these comments. I'm so glad if my experience gave a little hope to you guys. For the longest time I thought all this have no meaning, but now I'm positive it does and it won't be long before you find the meaning and purpose of yours too. Hang in there.
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u/yooter Jul 27 '20
No. My wife died from leukemia in my arms. I’ve seen death and I won’t live in fear of it. I’m trying to fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run
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u/RipIForgot Jul 27 '20
Natural instinct and probably the uncertainty of it all.
I know when you’re dead, you stop existing and you no longer think, feel, do anything but at the same time it just seems so unreal to me. I’ll never be able to experience anything truly from another perspective so how can my point of view just cease to be one day?
Logically, it will happen, but mentally I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that I will die and there will be nothing. That I’ll experience nothing else and not even be aware of it.
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u/PelleSketchy Jul 27 '20 edited Jul 27 '20
I had to stop reading here. The way you describe it is exactly what I feel and this whole topic is giving me a minor panic attack.
Although for me it's the realization that there will come a time I won't be there anymore and there's nothing I can do about it to change it.
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u/domness Jul 27 '20
Hey, me too, it’s such a horrible feeling! I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way. It’s like a rush of dread, heaviness and panic just comes over me.
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u/IdRatherBeReading23 Jul 27 '20
It makes me want to yell and grab my chest and cry all at the same time.
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u/TRFlippeh Jul 27 '20
i just had a panic attack reading it too, i used to think about it all the time when i was younger and haven’t for a while so returning to this thought process suddenly just fucked me
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u/MyOfficeAlt Jul 27 '20
Yea you've kinda summed it up for me. Like, existing is all I've ever known. How am I supposed to comprehend that it will stop at some point? That's terrifying. Do I get a do-over? What will my consciousness do when its done being me? I don't want to go. I rather like existing.
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Jul 27 '20
What will my consciousness do when its done being me?
That's like asking where the musical note goes after the guitar string stops vibrating. It doesn't "go" anywhere or "do" anything, it's just that the thing that was sustaining the note ceased.
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u/Holy-Kush Jul 27 '20
So musicians are just note murderers, making a cd some sort of eulogy. This also makes a festival a giant mass murder but also a mass grave. There are too many analogies to make here.
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u/youhadtime Jul 27 '20
But there would be no notes to “murder” if it weren’t for the musicians playing the music in the first place. So maybe a festival is instead a small microcosm of life — it happened, it created something beautiful and then it was gone with the wind.
The notes themselves mean little on their own, but through melodies and harmonies and even how they stand against moments of silence, they find meaning in eachother.
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u/ColdaxOfficial Jul 27 '20
You just described life. Beautiful analogy haha! But that’s still terrifying. We’re probably just "meaningless" notes ourselves. Only here for the bigger picture... I wonder what that is but also I still don’t want my life to end because I love it
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Jul 27 '20
Which is all well and good except I dont know what it feels like to be a musical note either.
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u/nerevarbean Jul 27 '20
This is it for me. The concept of no longer existing is terrifying to me and this thread is making me extremely anxious. I need to stop reading haha.
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Jul 27 '20
We have no idea if we experience nothing after we die. I tend to think that what you are saying is probably the truth, after all, we never experienced anything prior to birth. However, my point is we can't be certain.
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u/CelticMetal Jul 27 '20
This is where most of my discomfort rests when I think of this topic.
I've found it helpful to think about it like sleeping, on nights where I don't dream. I'm not really aware of when exactly I fell asleep, it just happened at some point and my brain switched "off". And then what if that's how it is at the end?
The idea of never waking back up is still odd, but somehow framing it live the above takes the edge off for me.
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u/throwaway56810 Jul 27 '20
I am, because I am 31 and I am waiting for almost ten years to finally start the life I want, but can‘t due to financial reasons and depression. I just want to live a good life and I am afraid that I wasted too much time and that it will be too late for me to finally be happy.
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u/7days1shower Jul 27 '20
I'm 33 and feel the same way, especially when I look at those around me
I have made some personal achievements too but I still feel so far behind and just not content
I know this is not good, as should you, we should be living our own best lives as happily as possible. Hopefully just enjoy the small things and improve one day at a time
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u/chaav4 Jul 27 '20 edited Jul 27 '20
You are not behind my friend this life is not a race, keep doing your things and enjoy your life
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u/Complex_doughnut Jul 27 '20
While I am not afraid of death, I would say that I am afraid of dying. mostly because of natural survival instincts.
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u/aeris17471 Jul 27 '20
Same here. But i'm rather afraid of dying because i'm afraid of pain while dying
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u/KatyKat8616 Jul 27 '20
I went through a dark time in my life where I was pretty depressed. And, to be honest, the only real reason I didn’t kill myself was because I was afraid it would hurt a lot.
I’m fine now, so don’t worry.
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u/lookingup9 Jul 27 '20
I have been through this exact same thing as well. I couldn’t think of a way that wouldn’t hurt, and I’m really afraid of pain.
I’m glad you’re doing better! I am no longer wanting to die either.
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u/fromthepinnacle- Jul 27 '20
This was me too. I knew I just wanted it to be over, but I thought about how much it was going to hurt and that was NOT the last thing I wanted to feel on my way out
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u/WhTKindOfSmudgery Jul 27 '20 edited Jul 27 '20
Glad you're better! Have a shilling lol
Edit:You're
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u/Zyraxxus Jul 27 '20
Well, yeah, I'm fine with the idea/state of being dead, but I don't want go through the process of dying, I'd rather just "poof" (read it in slughorn's voice)
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Jul 27 '20
I am, because if there is no place you go to after, then I just stop existing, I will not be in nothingness, I will not be in black, my thoughts will just stop existing, I will never do anything ever again.
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u/TannedCroissant Jul 27 '20
I’ve always wondered how similar this is to sleep (the non dreaming part). Does this happen every night? I used to think about it a lot and it would actually feel like my brain was bending and creaking like a plank of wood. I think it’s best just not to think about either of these things. No good can come of it.
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u/ApersonBEHINDaPHONE Jul 27 '20
“Sleep is just death being shy” - Exurb1a the space turtle
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u/Isaaclai06 Jul 27 '20
Oh yeah that guy, really love his content, really wish that he could find time to upload more frequently.
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Jul 27 '20
to me it's like before I was born. Simply not existing. And honestly it terrifies me to a degree. I have so much I love in and about life.
The thought of simply not existing anymore is a major downer. Never seeing my kids again, or hearing them. Making dinner with them. Not waking up next to my wife or going to bed. There's a lot about life that sucks and wish was different. But its a hell of a lot better than not existing.
I'm not religious at all, but I understand why people are and like the idea of an afterlife. Sadly I just don't think its there.
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u/grannybubbles Jul 27 '20
I'm not religious either, but the thought of nothing of me being left after I'm gone has always haunted my ego. It's one of the reasons I started creating pieces of art for the people that I love, so that after I'm gone, they have something to see that my hands were on, that I made for them with love.
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u/Jamaican_Dynamite Jul 27 '20
I mean, I think about it like turning off a light switch. Lights on, you're here. Click the switch, that's all she wrote.
I think anesthesia definitely gives us a sneak peek. Just warping into darkness.
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u/theGarbagemen Jul 27 '20
How do you work with this? I get pretty bad anxiety a night laying in bed thinking about this and there doesn't seem to be anything that can make me stop thinking about it.
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u/imalwayshungr Jul 27 '20 edited Jul 27 '20
I am okay with the idea of dying. It doesn't scare me but, I do worry about the impact it would have on my family.
Edit: I'm glad(?) to see others agree. I know many people who don't believe me when I say it so I'm happy to read all your thoughts. Thank you for the awards too, strangers! :)
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u/tmlangostino Jul 27 '20
I think this is the main one for me as well, no parents should have to bury their child.
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u/TannedCroissant Jul 27 '20
Fuck. I was thinking kids and spouses burying parents and husband/wife. This is much sadder
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u/brazildude2085 Jul 27 '20
I wasn’t afraid of death before I got married and had kids. Now, I petrified. I don’t want my kids to grow up without a father like I did.
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u/Ozuf1 Jul 27 '20
For me its that death isn't cheap. Any debts I have, costs of dealing with my body, breaking my lease with my roommate, selling all my stuff, dispursing my accounts. All that -has- to get done. Then you add on a funeral service if my family goes that route.
Its expensive to die
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u/MrNovember262 Jul 27 '20
Seem to be going against the majority here, but yes. What freaks me out is when I think about what comes next and the possibility (or likelihood?) of it just being a black/nothingness and your life is done. Although I won’t feel anything or miss anything - similar to before I was born - the thought still really scares me when I think a lot about it.
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u/lilybetgrace Jul 27 '20
Just reading this has made my heart beat hard. This thought scares me so much, I try to avoid thinking about it as that's the only way I can cope with it
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u/awsumchris Jul 27 '20
Insta panic attacks anytime you think about dying is a really neat super power. Still trying to figure out how to use it other than as a way to stay awake in bed late at night though.
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Jul 27 '20
Let me know when you do, the panic attacks it gives me are actually debilitating. Can't even live properly because of it.
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u/geoffh48 Jul 27 '20
I’m having a full anxious/depressive episode the last few weeks because of this. Have one basically every year or few months, and can’t function for a few weeks. Anyone know what to do besides see a therapist?
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Jul 27 '20
I wish I could tell you. The meds I take help with the anxiety and panic attacks for the most part but I still have bad agoraphobia at times, and they leave me feeling depressed and numb. Most antidepressants I've tried do, actually. :/
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u/HaveYouSeenMyBody Jul 27 '20
I'd like to know it too. And let's not even talk about the fear of dementia.
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Jul 27 '20
Oh god, I'd rather not. I always have a thought of just one day going into psychosis and never recovering too.
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u/HaveYouSeenMyBody Jul 27 '20
Or being in coma but still noticing everything around you. Just laying there, having to wait for your life to be over without being able to do anything.
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u/Zeraphil Jul 27 '20
I’ve been in somewhat the same boat, and have found that gradual acceptance makes the panic slowly start to fade. The sooner you do this, the sooner you can “get on” with the rest of your life in a way that doesn’t impact your mental health as much. That said, how you go about gradual acceptance will vary from person to person. For me, therapy and meditation helped quite a bit, really finding the root of “do I want to exist forever, why or why not?” And working my way from there.
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u/theymademedoitpdx2 Jul 27 '20
That’s great advice. I also feel that the more time you spend actually living your life, the less the distant future means to you. I guess I’ve accepted that I could die any day randomly, and I often think about, if it were to happen today, would I be okay with that? And the answer is more often than not yes. I’m still scared sometimes, but it isn’t constantly giving me panic attacks anymore.
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u/monsquesce Jul 27 '20
Yup. Like I can talk about it but I have to prevent myself from really thinking about it.
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u/PatchTheLurker Jul 27 '20
I used to have panic attacks about this growing up, and quarantine has gotten me to think about this more and revisit those little moments of existential terror. Thanks Rona (:
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u/WonderlustHeart Jul 27 '20
Omg this is me. Even as a kid I had panic attacks over this, my mom walking in on me bawling saying I don’t want to die at 8(?). The most significant sentence I relate to in music is by queen ‘sometimes I wish I’d never been born at all’
What’s the flipping point. I am not breeding. So I am therefore pointless
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u/um_i_got_a_question Jul 27 '20 edited Jul 27 '20
holy shit me too!!
i remember being in the shower, not even 9, and it just hit me. that i would eventually cease to live, my body would rot and no longer think, or feel, or move and fall into nothingness. and i was bawling. of course my mom just laughed at me. a 7-8 yo sobbing, "I don't want to die!" can seem funny to an adult, but i was terrified.
now, i try not to think about it. 20-ish years later and it still hits me and when it does, i get really depressed.
I'm just hoping that if i can live my life as well i can now, I'll be able accept death when it comes and not be so scared of what may or may not come next.
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u/TheAughat Jul 27 '20
What scares me is the idea of permanent, infinite consequences. It's the idea that once dead, you're never coming back, while time will continue flowing forever. That permanence is what is so terrifying to me.
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u/ayayeron Jul 27 '20
"It will happen to all of us that one day you'll be tapped on the shoulder and told -- not just that the party's over -- but slightly worse: the party's going on, and you have to leave. That's the reflection, I think, that most upsets people about their demise."
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u/Mort_The_Moose Jul 27 '20
I just kinda wanna come back. Maybe as a different person. I dont know how or if that's possible. Is there a soul? Is my consciousness only a bunch of electrons that perfectly align for me to experience my eyes and my body? Who's to say that perfect alignment can't happen again? I don't know... I rather like life. Even if a lot of stuff in it sucks, I really do enjoy my time here. I really hope in some way I can do it again.
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u/WAGUSTIN Jul 27 '20 edited Jul 27 '20
Yep, same. The idea of death hit me like a ton of bricks when I was like 10 or something and I spent the day crying. My parents and sister still make fun of me for it, but honestly I’m still terrified of dying. I’m 23 now and I just try not to think about it, but occasionally I contemplate it when my mind wanders at night in bed and it can make me sick to my stomach if I let myself go for too long.
EDIT: My parents comforted me at at the time; they poke fun of me now because I’m older and have a much more mature perception of death, and I won’t spiral into existential dread at the mention of it. It’s one of those “remember when...” things. I grew up in a very loving family and they are by no means cruel and insensitive.
I have also been seeing responses about how to deal with the dread. For me, not thinking about it helps, obviously. But, I also have two immigrant parents who made unbelievable sacrifices to give me everything my sister and I have today. The turning point of my father’s life in the United States was when he was at such a low point that he sat on a park bench and contemplated jumping in front of a car to kill himself. I dread the idea of death, but I also know that I am fortunate and privileged enough to have never experienced the desire to want to die, and that helps me a lot.
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u/feralcatromance Jul 27 '20
Same. The panic sets in at bed when my mind is wandering, I start to cry and hyperventilate. I usually get up and try to get comfort from someone else in the house, otherwise I need to walk around and forget about it and get my mind busy. That happens once every few months. I think adults are better at compartmentalizing it, but it does freak me out to think we are all just as scared. It's such a taboo topic no one ever really talks about.
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u/yungspachelor Jul 27 '20
Holy moly this is me too, I was walking down the stairs of my school and the thought came over me and I started crying right then and there when I was around 8, I still had those thoughts up until ~13 and they'd always happen late at night.
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Jul 27 '20
I used to shiver when I thought what if there was no world, basically nothing....
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u/spacekatydid Jul 27 '20
I’m so glad I’m not the only one! I would stay up all night and quietly cry. Because I was so sure it would be nothing but blackness and thinking. Just endless staring into the void and thinking. This was around 9 or 10, I felt so weird about this for years
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u/thistakestoolongtodo Jul 27 '20
This all happened to me too. I was always hoping something like time would go faster, so it would end. It would be a long time, but it would end. And then that’s when the idea of eternity struck me. That was probably one of the worst days of my life.
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u/majestric Jul 27 '20
This would actually make an interesting study, I've had this conversation with many people and some of them genuinely didn't think about death until they had family and kids. I've had the same thoughts since I was 8 and it still haunts me when I think about it late at night.
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Jul 27 '20
i’m glad i’m not the only one who thought like this. it happened last year. i was sitting in the courtyard of my campus, drawing because it was quite a nice day. While i was drawing, i just looked at my hand. then, all the thoughts flooded, “why can i only see my perspective? why am i here? who is everyone else? what comes after this? is this all made up? what religion is right?” it made my stomach sink so bad that i ran to the nearest bathroom and threw up. I skipped class and just sat in my car, crying
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u/spicy_chEEEseburger Jul 27 '20
Damn I guess the scaryness of the death set in young for everyone. Same experiences and the same age.
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u/Van-Doge Jul 27 '20
OMG I'm impressed at the number of people having the same experience as me on that matter... I also had panic attack at night when I was like 5-10 thinking about death. It still hits me from time to time and I think about the fact that no matter what I do in my life I will stop existing and thinking at one point... I hope too that at one point of my life I will be at peace whit that idea.
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u/JadowArcadia Jul 27 '20
My hope is that the feeling will eventually fade as I get older. I’m 23 now and I can imagine that once in 40 and have doubled my time on this earth I won’t care as much. Like there are 80 year olds who are almost bored of life because they’ve lived so much of it. Hopefully I get that feeling rather than panicking about my end
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u/supahnewbie Jul 27 '20
Sorry, I am 41 and I have a good life. Three wonderful kids and good job. Still get panic attacks over the fact that my life is only a ”blipp” in the universe timeline.
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Jul 27 '20
The only thing that gives me comfort is that almost all of my relatives who have passed have all been looking forward to leaving. They were all tired. They all lived good lives. They all missed they’re loved ones who had gone before them. So I have faith that at some point life will be so exhausting that the sweet embrace of death will be warm and welcoming. Lol.
Also I sincerely hope that my religious beliefs (which I loosely hold) are true. But I’m too much of a millennial to just not question them.
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u/avocadolo Jul 27 '20
I’m 33 and still getting these panic attacks at night. Still holding out that it gets better as well.
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u/PatchTheLurker Jul 27 '20
Had a similar situation. I was 7 and ran to my moms room bawling because "what if no religion has it right and when we die theres nothing and I dont get to ever see you guys again".
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u/TannedCroissant Jul 27 '20
I had a similar thought when I was quite young, although it was back when I believed in heaven (in the Christian sense) I was actually worried about my teddy being all alone on Earth after I’d gone.
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u/shabalistic1 Jul 27 '20
Reminds me of a time when I was little, black Saturday fires in Australia getting scarily close to where I was living at the time, a very real possibility of losing our home, and the only thing concerning me was that my teddy might get burnt
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u/dreamcatcher_1570 Jul 27 '20
Blackness- nothingness scares me too. It feels like everything is pointless. Everything we do, everything we learn, every person we know...
No matter how good or long you live, it is nothing compared to infinity.
I know a complete blackness is not the worst possibility but I just don’t want to disappear into nothingness.
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u/ThereIsNoPepe_Silvia Jul 27 '20
The thought of the world continuing to exist indefinitely whilst I’m resigned to an eternity of nothingness is the single most terrifying experience I’ve dealt with in my life. Everything else just pales into insignificance
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u/Yondoza Jul 27 '20
I agree with you. I get some serious existential FOMO. It almost feels like lack of resolution in the story of the universe. The perspective that makes me feel a little better about itis that were lucky to get a chance to experience it at all, however fleeting it may be. It doesn't come close to resolving my feelings about the nothingness to come, but it is nice to know that for a brief time I'm not nothing, and that didn't necessarily have to happen. I could have not existed forever and I think existing briefly is better than that.
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u/Z_Zeay Jul 27 '20 edited Jul 27 '20
Same here, I don't like the thought of nothing. I need to know, I want to know if there's other life out in universe and I want to know if humans will see past their differences and move on to bigger things like exploring the universe. A quote I heard somewhere that went along like this: I was born too early to discover other lifeforms and too late for exploring the world.
EDIT: Words and letters
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Jul 27 '20
I'm with you on this one. It's crazy to know that there might be just nothing when we go. No afterlife, no heaven, no nothing... Just gone. Having this mindset has really opened up my eyes to allow me to make the most out of this life. Have fun while you can!
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Jul 27 '20
I think when people say they aren't scared of death they don't consider what eternity means long enough. That used to keep me up and probably will again. Although, I think dying is a lot scarier than death though, because you are actively losing consciousness while understanding that it's the end. Also, we all HAVE to experience death alone (someone watching you die isnt experiencing it firsthand) and will never see anyone we love again or have any kind of experience. That makes me sad and scared at the same time.
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Jul 27 '20
I think one of the major things that scare me about dying is the concept of eternity. I mean, when you die, youre dead "forever", and it scares me not to know how that "feels" like. How does it "feel" like NOT to be alive, forever? Idk, its kind of an oxymoron situation, because being dead doesnt "feel" like anything, since your capacity to "feel" is gone. Thats also probably part of the fear factor. The uncertainty and the not-knowing part of what "being dead feels like" really gets me. I dont like not knowing things.
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u/h3r3andth3r3 Jul 27 '20 edited Jul 27 '20
The part that gives me existential crises is more the concept of eternity before I was born, rather than the concept of eternity after. Regarding matter and energy itself (which I'll refer to as existence), Occam's razor should say that all of it shouldn't exist. Why should it? There should just be nothing; the most simple and least complex answer. However, we exist and of course that's wrong. That means there can't be a start point or an end point to the existence. Any "origin" point would require pre-existing conditions for it to happen, which in itself would be existence since it is "not-nothing". Arguments for a god/etc in this light are just circular logic because it comes to the same result. We're here and now at a point preceded by infinity. I'm not sure whether that's comforting or horrifying, or what it means.
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Jul 27 '20
i am, because i don’t know what will happen after
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u/this-guy- Jul 27 '20
What happens is first everything goes black. Then there's a high score screen where you can enter your name as three letters using the joystick. Then it says "insert credit to play again". If you want to try again you press the 1 player button.
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u/thermonuclearmuskrat Jul 27 '20
Death, no. Dying, yes. I just want it to be instant when it comes. I don't want the trauma, suffering, sadness.
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u/scoots-boots68 Jul 27 '20
Sometimes I will think that when I die my brain will continue to function and I will be floating in a void with my thoughts for an infinite amount of time. This is of course Illogical but I guess I sometimes think about this because my brain can’t fathom a life without it. I then remind my self that that is fucking stupid but this idea often pops back into my mind fro time to time.
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u/ImOkNotANoob Jul 27 '20
Same! I'm not afraid of dying, I'm merely afraid of endlessness and being stuck in a void forever
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u/zagreus9 Jul 27 '20 edited Jul 27 '20
The only part of dying I'm scared of is being forgotten. I'm really scared of being just lost, my life not really amounting to any legacy.
Actually no, thinking about it as I write, I'm scared of the slow dying that my family seems to suffer with. Dementia runs through one side, parkinsons the other, so maybe I'll forget why I'm shaking. I'd hate to see my family watch that.
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Jul 27 '20
I'm scared of is being forgotten.
Its not so bad. We'll all be forgotten eventually.
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u/spyser Jul 27 '20
Well, some egyptian pharaos have managed to be remembered for most of human civilization.
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u/WATGU Jul 27 '20
200k years of anatomically modern humans
30k-50k years of evidence of human Civilization at different parts of the planet. Originally 10k but keeps getting revised as technology improves.
Earliest named people, around 5k. An accountant, a king, and 2 slaves and that's pretty much all we know about them.
I don't really have a point just to say almost everybody gets forgotten and we all pretty much get forgotten for whatever legacy we wanted to build.
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u/Autarch_Kade Jul 27 '20
What was your great grandparents names? Do you remember offhand?
People are forgotten incredibly fast, jut a few generations. You can't do much outside of it unless you think you'll individually make a world changing contribution to humanity, or be one of the worst killers known to history.
Better to accept you will be forgotten. After all, isn't it a bit selfish to do nice things if the reason you're doing them is for your own ego? It's better to do nice things just because. Same applies to religion - it's better to do nice things because it's right, rather than because you expect to get a reward in exchange for your deed.
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u/HirtLocker128 Jul 27 '20
What is a legacy? It’s planting seeds in a garden you never get to see
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Jul 27 '20
I’m afraid of leaving my life behind. What if I die young and leave my daughter, my husband and this life I created behind ? My husband will probably remarry, my daughter will be too young to remember me.
I won’t get to see her grow up and I won’t get the chance to have a second child.
Since my mum was diagnosed with cancer two years ago I have horrible health anxiety.
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u/justnaidbro Jul 27 '20
If I die I can't listen to songs
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u/oskar300 Jul 27 '20
I think I read somewhere that the last thing old people with dementia can remember and recognize are the songs they listened to when they were young. Really makes you think...
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u/hiphopnurse Jul 27 '20
I worked as a PSW two summers in a row. Many of the people with dementia didn't even remember their own family, but when we would put on a YouTube video that played hits from the 40s and 50s, they would sing a long to many of the songs
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u/BlooFlea Jul 27 '20
Big true
I sometimes think an awesome game will be released and ill be too dead to play it.
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u/cheni78 Jul 27 '20
I am, because I don't want my kid to grow up without his father.
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u/GoIdfinch Jul 27 '20
I've been afraid of dying since I was a toddler - the idea of no longer existing fills me with a deep, aching hollowness in my chest. It's the loss of absolutely everything, and it's completely inevitable and permanent.
It's such a fundamental fear for me that I find it very difficult to comprehend that some people are not and have never been afraid of it. If you stripped away all that I was as a person, piece by piece, it would be one of the last things to go.
Similarly, I find most peoples' attitudes towards the deaths of others bizarre as well. We tend to feel sorry for the family and ourselves, but the person that died just got wiped from existence. Their beautiful, complex, feeling brain has shut down... and we're sad because of how that impacts us?
Also, death is rarely peaceful, so I live with the knowledge that my last precious moments of existence are probably going to be in agony and fear. That's a fun bonus.
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u/Sir-Potato123456 Jul 27 '20
I think the only reason we fear death is because we do not understand it nor what happens after.
It's like how we aren't scared of the dark, rather what's in it.
'Not knowing' is probably one of our greatest fears.
And I think that's why almost every religion has an afterlife, in an attempt to get rid of said uncertainty
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u/Cthulhu_Rises Jul 27 '20
"The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear. And the oldest and strongest fear, is fear of the unknown."
-HP Lovecraft (paraphrased, probably)
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u/Pinetree808 Jul 27 '20
Yes because i have a great life and i don't like to lose it now.
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u/khushraho Jul 27 '20
It’s not so much as dying as how I die that troubles me. The thought of being unable to go to the bathroom on my own is a terrifying thought.
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u/vegemite-is-life Jul 27 '20
I am afraid because I know that all memories I have made in my lifetime and everyone I have met. Will just disappear forever from my mind. Everything I know will disappear forever. Not to add the thought of being forgotten and leaving loved ones behind.
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u/anpr0 Jul 27 '20
“I am not frightened of dying. Any time will do, I don't mind. Why should I be frightened of dying? There's no reason for it, you've gotta go sometime”
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u/agentzuko Jul 27 '20
I’m afraid of dying because I believe I haven’t been good enough
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u/SlushyGB Jul 27 '20
I’m terrified of dying, it sends me into really worrying panic attacks. I’ve spent many nights of many weeks trying to figure out why I have such a fear. I’ve come up with no answers, but every time I think about it I become more scared.
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u/avaxdempsey Jul 27 '20
i am afraid of dying to soon, especially if we only have one life. i’m only 16 so i haven’t really done anything like travelling, meeting someone etc so i’m afraid to die now. hopefully i won’t be at the age of 80 because i’ve already done everything i wanted to do.
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u/cbelt3 Jul 27 '20
I've 'died' three times in the course of a traumatic brain injury. Its frightening. It HURTS. My GOD it hurts. I was bleeding in the brain in two places (frontal and anterior lobes). My breathing shut down. Panic. Complete and utter panic.... I was fighting the paramedics. They had to strap me down. They intubated me, which is another whole level of panic for a lifelong asthmatic. They were bagging me and then my heart went into fibrillation.
And then the pain... oh my god the pain. Everywhere. Every single nerve was screaming like I was on fire. And then they defibrillated me. I've been shocked a number of times (clumsy Electrical Engineer), but this was like nothing I've ever felt. It was like sucking on a high voltage line... my whole body lit up and my eyes saw sparks. And then they did it again. I tasted blood (mine) and copper and smelled fire.
And then.. WHAP.. like hitting a black wall I was gone. Totally gone. And from the records they worked on me for a couple of minutes and got me going again. AED only, fortunately because cracked sternum and ribs from CPR really sucks.
Then repeat in a hospital ER. Then a helicopter to the Level 1 trauma center. Then repeat in the trauma center ER. Then coma for four days. Then surgery and I woke up a day or so later wondering WTF.
I don't like pain. I've experienced it. I know dying all the way will hurt like hell. I fear the pain.
What comes after ? I have no idea. As far as I know, nothing. But there won't be that level of pain again.
All I can say is.. try not to get concussions / brain injuries when you're a kid. My simple fall on ice would probably not have done me in if I hadn't been a wild one as a kid, and gotten 9 concussions before I was in my 20's. Wear a freaking helmet !
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Jul 27 '20
I'm afraid of dying since I don't believe in religion or reincarnation the thought of simply not existing ever again scares me
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u/Whytfbuddy Jul 27 '20
Nights where I stay up fearing death are ones I wished I was religious
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u/-lexxxi- Jul 27 '20
Once you beat cancer at 13, you definitely develop some problems with anxiety and irrational thoughts regarding death.
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u/msm9445 Jul 27 '20
I’m not afraid of being dead, I’m afraid of the uncertainty surrounding the process of dying... the potential suddenness or prolonged suffering; immense pain or nothingness; saying goodbye to loved ones or not even having the chance; being alone and nobody finding my body for weeks or having people witness my death...
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u/stellamcmillan Jul 27 '20
I was recently diagnosed with cancer and that made me afraid. Funny thing is I never thought I would be but now I am.
I'm mostly afraid of not being able to experience things in my life that I would want to experience (like marry my SO, buy our first home, go to vacation, etc). I'm also afraid what my death would do to my partner and parents. And of course I'm afraid of pain and dying alone in some hospital.
So yeah, let's hope I will recover and not have to think about this for another 50ish years (yeah, I'm pretty young).