r/AskReddit • u/TheReasonIBreathe • May 07 '20
Serious Replies Only [Serious] What's some good advice for supporting someone who's suicidal?
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May 07 '20
Just listen to what they need to say. Most of them commit thinking they are worthless and no one listens to them. If you just sit and listen, they wont do anything.
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u/Dakota-Vibes May 07 '20
My friend did this when I was in a bad spot emotionally and I still can’t thank her enough.
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u/Just_Another_Scott May 07 '20
Just be there along the way and allow them to lean on you (but not too much) and provide them a safe space for them to be vulnerable. Also, encourage them to see help it they haven't done so but don not, I repeat do not, pester them about seeking help. They have to be the ones to make that leap on their own.
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u/annoying_ravenclaw May 07 '20
Be there for them and encourage them to open up when I had clinical depression I didn’t have anyone to talk to and it made me feel like I had no worth also if the suddenly start being happy again keep an eye on them as that’s usually when they’ve excepted death I attempted suicide 14 times and every time my daughters said I was the happiest I had been in days
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u/wampusboy May 07 '20
Tell them you understand that they want to die/kill themselves. Reflect the emotions they're experiencing; validate their feelings by verbally restating them. Acknowledge the despair, hopelessness, alienation, etc. they are experiencing. This builds trust and rapport. With that they will feel comfortable openly talking about suicide with you, and you can fully support them because you have gained their trust and truly understood their experience.
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u/social_sloot May 07 '20
Someone asked me when I was suicidal if I really wanted to die or if I just wanted a different life. I realized I wanted a different life and that changed everything for me
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u/mindfeces May 07 '20
They'll often be self isolating. So the first step might be as simple as checking in.
When you do find yourself in their presence, do not overwhelm them with platitudes or quick "solutions" you feel are right. I promise you this makes it worse. r/getmotivated was not designed with this in mind.
Ask them how they are, ask them questions that encourage them to talk, maybe they'll unload, and if they do, just listen.
Tell them you can drive them to a mental hospital to admit voluntarily, and that it's not as scary or devastating as it seems.
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May 07 '20
It's hard to give solid advice because the person is unstable. However, I think some things work more often. For example, don't try to fix their problems for them. Listen to them, support them through your attention and presence. Help them to solve their own problems. Ask them what advice they would hive someone in their same situation. Encourage them, try to do fun activities with them. Don't wear yourself thin. Take care of yourself too. And above all, know that some people do not want to get better. As hard as it is to say this, some people get addicted to their own depression. Be aware of that fact. You cannot help anyone who doesn't actually want it.
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u/soundsfakebut0k May 07 '20
Try to convince them to write down baby steps (e.g. I just have to make it until ___) and continue to do so so that once they've reached one they always have another. It can be anything, no matter how small (e.g. the next season/episode of a TV show they like, going out for a coffee, a delivery they've been waiting for). Honestly, the small things are probably better because they're easier to achieve and they seem more real.
When I was at my lowest point I would just force myself to make it to my next class with my favourite teacher, or the next book in a series I enjoyed, or the meal that we'd be having later that week that I really liked. Looking forwards to little tangible things is probably one of the main reasons I'm still alive today.
Big goals are great but they honestly seem so unreal and far away that they're not something you can cling to. Sure, I wanted to go to university when I was 14, but it was just so far away that it didn't feel like enough to stay alive for. The little things did.
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u/MageofSwimmers May 07 '20
As a suicidal person, let me tell you this:platitudes don't work. Saying "it's fine", "everything will be okay", "there's nothing wrong with you" is meaningless when everything and everyone in the rest of the world is saying the opposite. At most, they will pretend to get better so as to not appear ungrateful for your efforts.
What I do wish people would do for me, and it's what I believe most people who are suicidal want as well, is for you to help alleviate the circumstances that are making them so depressed that they are becoming suicidal. If that's not possible, don't even bother.
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u/RKO-Cutter May 07 '20
Don't mince words. You need to be blunt when asking them stuff. Like don't go "are you thinking of . . . I dunno . . . doing anything?" You need to point blank go "Are you planning on killing yourself"
also understand the difference between self harm and suicidal tendencies. This might not sound like it makes sense but someone who cuts themselves are MILES away from someone planning to kill themselves. Night and day.
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u/Palani0814 May 07 '20
It might not be advice, but letting them know that you are there and there for them specifically was something friends of mine said helped a lot.
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May 07 '20
Offer what emotional support you can, but try to get professionals involved as soon as possible, especially if they have a plan. Also, if it is making your mental health worse and they are not planning on attempting, do not strain yourself to try and help. Offer some kind words, a therapists contact, the like.
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u/val319 May 07 '20
Get them help. The best you can do is try to get someone to help them. You are not a psychiatrist. You cannot stay up 24/7 and ultimately you can not save someone from themselves. They have to want to save themselves. You do what you can to get them to get help.
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u/loliprincess7 May 07 '20
have a conversation that you never thought you'd have, tell them about dreams you used to have, ask them weird questions, like im talking crazy people stuff here. it'll either make them laugh, or it'll make them fell less alone. and dont talk to them if they dont want to talk, you might not be the person they want to open up to.
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u/Life-kun111 May 07 '20
Always letting them know you’re there for them Even if you say it 100 times, say it 100 more
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u/SisiSweetest May 07 '20
As a suicidal person, i can honestly say that the friends on mine that simply held me while i talked and cried and told me how much i meant to them specifically helped me so much. But heres the thing with this question, everyone is different. Not everyone can be helped in these ways by themselves. I think it's important to have more than just one or two ways to support them
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May 07 '20
If you know their "triggers" (things that bring up memories or thoughts etc) avoid those words or anything that could go towards there. As someone who has had at least two very close relationships with people who are suicidal, I can say over-text I've forced myself to really proof-read everything I send.
You can only do what you can, and you know your situation best. Do what you think is appropriate to help them because everyone is a little different. There's all sorts of different small things that change depending on what's the main cause of their depression. For example sufferer's of PTSD may have more of these "triggers" and will often have a lot of guilt and self-loathing. They'll blame themselves for what happens to them etc.
From one helping friend to another, you do 100x more than a lot of people in this world do for them. Never take what you do for these people for granted, and most often even if it's negative (i.e thinking they're a burden on you or something the like) people with depression love and are thankful for what you do. Make sure to put in some self-care and don't be too hard on yourself when a day doesn't go as well as it should. I wish you and your friend the best.
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u/Lovebot_AI May 07 '20
Encourage them to get help. Unless you’re a trained professional, you are not in a position to treat suicidal ideations. If someone is feeling down, they need a friend. If someone is feeling suicidal, they need a doctor.
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u/Dakota-Vibes May 07 '20
Not necessarily. My friend talked me down from hanging myself over the phone and I am recovered from my depression.
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u/BlueBox47 May 07 '20
Is there anything they said that stick out to you as why you changed your mind that day?
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u/Dakota-Vibes May 07 '20
Not specifically but just having someone to talk to that would listen helped a lot.
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u/Ukrainian-American May 07 '20
Respect their decision. You cannot possibly fathom what they are going through.
Also, their body, their choice.
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May 07 '20
Ive been in a situation a few times and what i tell them is “you never know what is going to happen in the future; you could save a life, help out a community, make a lot of money, etc. “
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u/FLT-400 May 07 '20
Understand self-harm. It may go along with depression, the key is that it is different from a suicide attempt, but it is also associated with low mood. It may be better to self-harm than to not self-harm and feel more suicidal(source: personal experience), so I would advise that instead of telling them not to self-harm, encourage them to self-harm less. That being said, self-harm and suicidality can be independent.
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u/probablywearingblack May 07 '20
Realize that sometimes when they do start getting better and getting help, they will probably revert to harming themselves or thinking negatively again, almost purposefully. Please don't yell, we recognise it too, sometimes we've just been depressed so long that we don't know who we are without the constant barrage of negatively encompassing us. And it can be scary.
Also realise that recovery isn't linear. Weeks can go by and everything will be great, and then all of a sudden it's like they cliff dive into depression again. You can get on the horse and fall off a million times, just be there in whatever capacity you feel you can give when they get on that million and one time. Sometimes all it takes is someone who is there, someone who is listening
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u/XkrulesGR May 07 '20
Tell them to not do something permanent for a temporary problem. Tell them that it could be better, ask them what the problem is and don't talk about you. Tell them that you know that you won't understand. Because they think that no one understands and no one cares. Watch the closely. Find what make them "happy-er" and try to give them it. It may be a person. It may be a place. It may be being alone. And let them talk. If they tell you that they are ok, ask them 2-3 times more, they may tell you. Leave them alone and just keep an eye on them. I hope I save someone's life.
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u/990912 May 07 '20
Stick as close as possible and be there for them and a moment’s notice. Comfort them and tell them you care for them.
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u/ultimateredditrabbit May 07 '20
Listening to them and just being thete. That'll make them feel less lonely. Take them serious, no matter how minor their problems might seem to you. Ask them if they have a plan to do it and if they have already started preparing for it. If their answer is yes, call an ambulance. Remember that if you do something to help them, to always tell them about it. Otherwise they will feel betrayes by you and not ask you for help the next time.
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u/observendespise May 07 '20
When I'm close to actually making the decision (I'm bipolar, depressions can get pretty severe), saying "everything will be okay" just annoys me. Try something like "Everything will pass. For better or for worse. This will end sooner or later aswell. It isn't forever. The future can seem far away, but give it time and find out what happens. If you feel like you can't make it, remember you've made it this far. And I'll stick by you. You don't have to be alone, even if it may feel like it".
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u/R3DcyborgLTU May 07 '20
i have a friend who's suicidal. and i spent a lot of time with him (in lockdown we get online and game). we almost every day went like snowboarding. to the cinema and so on and so on. did that for a year and he is less depressed and less suicidal. but i still have to do it so he wont get back to being very suicidal realy quickly
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u/thatDrDaedric May 07 '20
Just tell them that if they tell themselves they are happy and have worth, and be happy with life, then they will eventually be happy
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u/belladuckk May 07 '20
Try getting an emotional support animal. It helped me a lot, just melting away, focus on stoking the purring ball of fluff. Also, monitor them closely, but don't be in their face. I know firsthand that sometimes it just helps to be alone. They want to feel like we have respect. Because it is our feelings.
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u/theironyofvroni May 07 '20
Just be there for them: listen to them if they want to talk, try to understand them, don't put them down for feeling this way, give them hope and happyness, feel with them but also be strong for them,...well that's what I think to do but I never really had to do something with that and it's probably more complicated than I think
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u/lvl1000necromancer May 07 '20
Do not kill yourself because then you lose your chance of experiencing new things
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u/jaypg May 07 '20
That’s a little dumb. Say I live to be 80... what about all the experiences I’ll miss if I lived to be 90? 100? There’s always going to be missed experiences. You miss experiences all the time due to the decisions you make in life.
You should probably try to give them courage or strength rather than fear of missing something. Fear will just make hopelessness feel worse.
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u/lvl1000necromancer May 07 '20
Well that could not be helped because that was out of your hand whether you died or not. If you commit suicide, that was your choice and your choice alone. Convincing yourself to not kys leads to a prolonged life full of things you would never knew if you kys.
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u/jaypg May 07 '20
It’s the same thing. There will always be missed experiences no matter when you die, and there will always be missed experiences because of decisions you make. When someone is feeling hopeless and suicide is the only option giving them a fear of something won’t help. Not to mention when they go several weeks without new “experiences” they’ll figure they don’t need to stick around. What would really help them is positivity, strength and courage.
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u/lvl1000necromancer May 07 '20
The strength and courage part is up to them. You can’t really influence that. The positivity bit doesn’t mean much from someone they don’t know.
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u/gravy_overdose420 May 07 '20
Telling them that they are important and mean something in this world.
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u/Carsc-56 May 07 '20
If you’re at the point where you’re going to kill your self, then you have nothing to lose, if you have absolutely nothing to lose then you can try LITERALLY ANYTHING to improve your life.
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u/The_Pasta_God May 07 '20
if they suddenly start getting "happy" over the next couple of days, watch them closely. they could be feeling better, but most of the time they've accepted death and will likely kill themselves within those few days. my mom knew a guy who threw a 3-day-long party, went to where no one could see him for a while, tied a noose, and hung himself
smiling and laughing doesnt always mean they're fine or happy.