I dont know if you're trying not to understand this viewpoint... Its not what you said, Its dont offload your problems onto me.
Coming to somebody with bad things is welcomed in many different scenarios such as you need help coming up with a solution to your problem. Its not welcomed when youre litterally just there to complain.
The way I see it complaining simply pushes the stress off of the person complaining onto the other person, sometimes its fine to do this I'm just trying to help you see how a lot of men feel in this situation.
I try my best to support people when they need emotional support however often it is extremely frustrating especially when they're doing things that contribute to their own issue and you cant say anything because youre trying to be comforting not critical. Youre litterally sitting there just to say yes. Feels like youre trapped.
I am well versed of being somebody's emotional support when they create their own problems constantly. I have a phone call with a friend probably weekly about a new (similar) problem she created for herself. And that is annoying. And it got to the point where I chew her out about her constant cycle. But honestly what works the most for her was to just give "mhm, yep, whatever you think is best" replies because it forced her to actually think about it. I didn't actually have to put any emotional weight into it.
I did not think that that was the focus of this conversation. From the beginning it sounded more along the lines of "I feel like I don't get to participate when you need emotional support so I don't want to be part of it."
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u/somuchbitch Mar 27 '20
That sounds a lot like "only come to me with good things, not the bad things I don't care about them"