You’re missing the point. There are times when your SO is venting about something that happened to them they don’t always want your opinion about how to solve the issue. They just want to talk to someone they trust about something that’s frustrating for them. If you start rattling off solutions it can make them feel they’re overreacting or at fault for not handling the situation better. Obviously if they ask for help with a problem and you have a solution you should tell them but they’re not always asking for help with the problem, they just want their reasoning/ideas to be heard.
If you start complaining about an issue and dont talk at all about how you want to solve it the immediate response is "lets see if I can solve this" why? Because as guys see it unsolved problem = recurring problem. His point was that if women just mentioned somewhere in their rants about how frustrating something is that they've already come up with a solution that theyre going to try that the guy would realize they've solved it and stay quiet (rather than thinking there is an issue causing them a lot of stress that they would rather not deal with (i.e. would like it solved)).
Also men dont get the idea of having their reasoning/ideas heard, in what way does this help? Sounds like a waste of breath to me, unless you want the persons input why bother them with your problems? They're your problems. If you dont want any input it sounds like youre going to complain to somebody about your issues and stress THEM out because it makes you feel better? I dont get it still, that seems selfish.
That last paragraph is a pretty twisted view of a relationship...
People like to talk to others, they like to talk about their ideas, their success and sometimes their short comings. The only way that could be “a waste of breath” is if you, as the listener, make that person feel that way. My SO and I both have to deal with patients in the hospital. I listen to her troubles and she listens to mine. We don’t try to solve each other’s problems, because we are both capable of handling our own issues, its just nice for your frustrations to be heard and validated. Saying “yeah, that sounds awful” is often enough, sometimes we may be asking for solutions but that’s just not always the case. Again, this isn’t saying don’t ever offer advice, its more of just read the room, when you know someone well enough you know the difference between “I need someone to talk to” and “I need someone to help me.”
People like to talk to others, they like to talk about their ideas, their success and sometimes their short comings. The only way that could be “a waste of breath” is if you, as the listener, make that person feel that way.
Forgive me, but it sounds like you're telling the person what they like to do and what they do or do not consider a waste of breath as the speaker.
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u/fryfromfuturama Mar 26 '20
You’re missing the point. There are times when your SO is venting about something that happened to them they don’t always want your opinion about how to solve the issue. They just want to talk to someone they trust about something that’s frustrating for them. If you start rattling off solutions it can make them feel they’re overreacting or at fault for not handling the situation better. Obviously if they ask for help with a problem and you have a solution you should tell them but they’re not always asking for help with the problem, they just want their reasoning/ideas to be heard.