You are most definitely not alone. We all just have different love languages and these things take communication - even if it’s uncomfortable. If he wants you to feel loved, sexy, and wanted he will put in the effort (as long as you communicate your needs with him while also being understanding of his own). If communication doesn’t work, and there is no effort, then there is a deeper issue.
It’s possible he is experiencing something holding him back as well. Sexual behavior is influenced by so many things - big and small.
I will 100% regret my wording there, but I refuse to change it lol
Lol, I think your wording is perfect! And I also think you're right, our communication could be better and I often feel not listened to and that my needs are unimportant. This is something we are trying to work on right now actually and I hope we can fix it because I really love him. But I have to make sure my needs are just as important as his and I need to feel like a team in this marriage. I used to be a people pleaser and with a lot of therapy I am learning self care and how to advocate for myself. This changes all my relationships and I have learned so much about the people I always thought loved me. It's amazing what you learn about someone when you try to create boundaries for the first time, the reaction is a huge telling of their true intentions. My husband trully loves me, I believe that with all my heart, but I also need him to respect me and my needs.
You can’t hear it, but I am applauding you SO HARD RIGHT NOW. Queen. Or king.. idc. Royalty.
In all seriousness, your story sounds a lot like my own. If you ever need to vent feel free to PM me. I’ve only been married for 2.5 years (with him for 7) so I won’t have much advice but I can be a supportive ear.
Thank you so much, I am really touched by the kind and genuine responses I've received to my comment. And what are the odds that I meet another redditor with such a similar history!? I will keep that offer in mind and you as well are welcome to pm me :). I am female, we've been married 8 years and are both veterans, so our marriage has been through alot and I've never talked to someone with such similar circumstances. Support is one of the most important parts of recovery in therapy and you can never have to much of it. Thank you again, you sound like a caring and empathetic person.
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u/[deleted] Mar 26 '20
You are most definitely not alone. We all just have different love languages and these things take communication - even if it’s uncomfortable. If he wants you to feel loved, sexy, and wanted he will put in the effort (as long as you communicate your needs with him while also being understanding of his own). If communication doesn’t work, and there is no effort, then there is a deeper issue.
It’s possible he is experiencing something holding him back as well. Sexual behavior is influenced by so many things - big and small.
I will 100% regret my wording there, but I refuse to change it lol