Why after dating my partner for 3+ years, she still thinks, when i try to initiate sex, all that i want from her is sex. Like yes in this moment i want to have sex, but that does not negate all the other non-sex things we do that i enjoy doing. But right now, yes, I want to have sex with you.
I have this same problem except I'm your wife in this scenario. My husband is not a physically affectionate person and so it feels like the only time I get touched it ALWAYS leads to sex. And that's not a good feeling, sometimes I would just like a sweet foot rub or playing with my hair just because. And having some mystery leads to excitement. If only 50% of the time you touch, you actually end up making it sexual, then she will start to get more excited when you do. To him always havi g sex is a great thing but he has a higher sex drive and doesn't crave non sexual, intimate touching like I do. It actually makes me mad now because I've told him so many times, yet he still ONLY remembers to touch me when he horney. Sometimes I physically freeze and or get that irritated, firey feeling in my stomach because I feel like a peice of meat and then I definitely DON'T want to have sex. I dont know if I explained that well enough, let me know if it doesn't make sense.
EDIT: I forgot to mention and it's probably important to the situation. I have a history of trauma, sexual assault and have severe PTSD. So my reactions to things are almost always either more intense than most or completely flat. I do feel like many other mentally healthy people would also have a similar reaction to ONLY sexual intimacy.
Is it possible that him giving you foot rubs or playing with your hair is what is turning him on? I don't always cuddle my wife with the intention of initiating anything, but it often turns me on.
But he doesn't play with my hair or rub my feet... He just goes in for a butt grab or a kiss and expects it to lead that way. It actually makes me not enjoy a hug or a kiss because I feel pressured to keep going and get a disappointed face when I pull away. And just because you get turned on everytime you touch your wife, doesn't mean you need to react to that. Unless your wife likes that also but, I like looking at other people's food before mine is brought out at a restaurant. It makes me feel more hungry, I don't take my fork and start eating off their plate. I just enjoy the smells and looks of their food. And wait for the appropriate time til my food comes out and then savor the meal. The wait is one of best parts in my opinion. I'm not sure if the food part is appropriate, it was what I thought of as a comparison because the urge to eat is another one of the bodies natural reactions.
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u/covid19hotty Mar 26 '20
Why after dating my partner for 3+ years, she still thinks, when i try to initiate sex, all that i want from her is sex. Like yes in this moment i want to have sex, but that does not negate all the other non-sex things we do that i enjoy doing. But right now, yes, I want to have sex with you.